Computer Apocalypse
by I-PWN-AT-BASS
Summary: Rated M for adult situations later chapters. Eggman has put Sonic Team in a computer simulation, for a month, and they have to do stuff to get out... SonicAmy KnuxRouge TailsCream EspioWave. Read more that one chapter to get the gist of it.
1. The Explaination

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter One: The Explanation_

"What the hell? How'd I get in Station Square?" asked Sonic aloud. Sonic looked around only to see his friends, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Shadow, Cream, Espio, Rouge, Vector, and hell, even that complete loner Big was here.

"What the hell?" Amy asked.

"Hey Sonic, how'd we all get here?" asked Tails.

"How'd we not?" retorted Shadow, trying to be all bad ass.

"5HAD0W! Y0Ur 71M1NG 15 1MP3CCAB73!1!11one! (Computer Slang Translation: Shadow, your timing is impeccable)" blurted Vector.

Just then a flying computer screen flew over to the Sonic Team. It turned on to show an unmoving picture of Eggman's face.

"Hi Sonic and friends!" yelled the Egg computer.

"Hi!" Knuckles said while waving his arm around stupidly.

"Eggman! PREPARE TO DIE!" Shadow yelled. Shadow pulled out a katana from his pants and started swinging it at the Egg computer, but Shadow kinda sucks at life and missed... 16 times…

"5HAD0W, 570P A77ACK1NG H1M U n00BZ0RZ! (Computer Slang Translation: Pineapple)" Vector yelled.

"What?" Cream asked.

"Don't worry, I've lived with him for 2 years, and not even I understand him. I blame that game 'Shadow the Hedgehog' on his hard-to-understand language." Espio explained.

"BURN IN HELL YOU DAMN CROCKODILE! CHAOS BLAST!" yelled Shadow. Shadow started glowing yellow, and did that DBZ rip-off pose, as a Kame-hame- I mean a Chaos Blast shot out from his hands.

"Z0MGZ, F1ND 73H C0MPU73R R00MZORZ! (Computer Slang Translation: Oh my good golly gosh, find the computer room)" Vector yelled. Vector got hit, head on with the blast. It's super effective! Vector fainted.

"Is Vector alright?" asked Sonic.

"How the hell does Shadow keep a katana in his pants?" questioned Knuckles aloud, "Does Shadow even wear pants? How come I don't wear pants? Who am I? For what purpose do I exist?"

Sonic started walking towards the downed Vector.

"STAY BACK YOU FAKER! I KILL YOU, I KILL YOU, AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!" yelled Shadow as Sonic went into a fetal position.

"Enough of this nonsense!" yelled Eggman.

"Hi Dr. Eggman!" Knuckles stupidly waved.

"Oh yeah, I forgot you were here. How did we get here?" questioned Tails.

"Er… I put you in here, in my computer. Think of it as a video game that I can't control." Eggman explained.

"Dah, Eggperson, where's da baaathroom?" asked Big, clutching his no-no spot, doing the "I have to urinate" dance.

"CHAOS BLAST YOU OBESE CHILD!" Shadow blasted Big with a Chaos Blast. Chaos blast hit Big. No effect. "DAMN, NOT HERE! I FORGOT CHAOS DOESN'T WORK ON STUPID PEOPLE!"

"FROOOOGYYYYY!" yelled Big. Froggy then jumped on Big's head in a pleasurable way… REALLY pleasurable… Even more pleasurable than my last girlfriend… which isn't saying much… that cheater…

"I wonder what Froggy and Big do alone on Friday nights… in the forest house… alone… naked…" Tails asked.

**Flash Back**

"Check" Froggy said. Big looked around at his pieces. Big moved his king.

"Da… Check!" Big said stupidly.

"Big, you do know that that youu can not do that because you just made yourself into a checkmate. Not only that, but you moved a man's ear, not a queen." Froggy said.

"JESUS, HELP ME!! THAT FAT ASS JUST RIPPED OFF MY EAR!!!" a man cried trying to get away from the dumb fat cat.

"FROGGY! YOU CAN TALK?" Big yelled. Big started to chase the defenseless frog.

"God, I hate my life…" Froggy complained.

"SERIOUS!! HELP ME!" cried the man as he closed his eyes… to die alone to the hands of a mentally retarded cat.

**Flash back over**

"That poor frog…" Tails said.

"That poor man…" Sonic said.

"That poor retarded cat…" Knuckles said.

"Um, as I was saying, this is just a computer simulation I trapped you in, as I rule the world. You will be left free, if each of you finish the five tasks I set up." continued Eggman, "These tasks will work on your strengths, weaknesses. Power, discovery, diversity, and social skills."

'_Social skills?_' Shadow thought, '_Damn, I can't do this…_'

"So why'd you bring us here?" asked Tails.

"I brought you here because in every single game the Sonic Team has made, my plans go wrong because you exist. So if I get you dick lips off of the face of the Earth, my problems, your problems, and America's problems will be solved. Well, not America because of the president, but I can't talk about that here with out getting killed by the governator." answered Eggman.

"How could it help us, you, and hopefully America?" asked Tails.

"It will help you because of the tasks I give you. The tasks will make you better people on the inside. It will help me because I'll rule the world, and it will not help America in any way, as I told you." answered Eggman.

"There's not way in hell I'll let you rule the world Eggman!" yelled Sonic. Just then the Egg computer opened up and shot electric rings at the Sonic Team. It attached itself on to the right leg of each person.

"If you attack me, whenever I visit, I will zap you! It hurts!" Eggman threatened. Just then Sonic jumped at Eggman. Sonic stopped midway because he got shocked, and he fell on the ground.

"Ah! My gallbladder burns!" Sonic yelled, writhing in pain, clutching his… where ever the gallbladder is.

"Sonic!" yelled Amy. Amy ran towards Sonic, but Amy got shocked too.

"Ok, I will leave you for a month. You do five tasks each. By the end of the month, you will return to the real world IF you do the five tasks. If you do not, you will be left behind, to await… dramatic pause Computer apocalypse." Said Eggman.

"Eggman, why isn't Charmy here?" asked Espio.

"Shouldn't you know? He's a master mechanic! And besides, when I die due to a heart attack or an obese kid thinking I'm an egg and cook me, he will be the next evil scientist. Besides, he's pretty cute!" answered Eggman, "So, any more questions?"

"Who am I? For what purpose do I exist?" asked Knuckles.

"What are you smoking? You must have really good crack, or really bad weed..." asked Eggman.

"ANSWER HIS DAMN QUESTION OR I KILL YOU! I KILL YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY!" yelled Shadow. Shadow pointed his katana at the screen...

Eggman sighed, and then answered, "You are Knuckles the Echidna, and you are the guardian of the emeralds. So, any more questions?"

"Will I ever find true love?" asked Knuckles.

"Ummmm… Sure, definitely, any more questions? Last question." said Eggman.

"Why do fools fall in lo-" Knuckles was tackled by Rouge.

"Don't waste our answers away with anymore of your stupid questions!" chided Rouge.

"Why are you letting us free for one month if you want to rule the world? I mean, you rule the world, ONCE, and then when we comeback, we'll freaking kick your ass again and make it normal again." asked Tails.

"There are tasks I'll be giving you tomorrow, so just go to the Station Warehouse, front desk clipboard, which is basically the meeting place of all you. There is a bulletin board in to the left of the reception desk, and Tails, for your question… Uh… Idunnogottagobye!" Eggman answered. The Egg computer flew off.

"O…K…? That was weird, I guess." said Tails.

"That's what she said!" Knuckles said.

"That didn't even make any sense…" Rouge said.

"That's what she said!" Knuckles said.

"You're an ass..." Rouge sighed as she walked away.

"This basically is Station Square, so we can just hang out untill tomorrow I guess." said Amy. Amy walked away, to sightsee around Station Square.

"I know my purpose in life! It's to go to the Station Square hotel! I MUST COMPLETE MY GOAL!" yelled Knuckles.

"What about Mr. Vector?" asked Cream.

"Leave him be. We'll tell him tomorrow!" said Shadow.

"Why? I mean, somebody can abduct him, and Vector would die a virgin…" Knuckles asked.

"I FREAKING SAID TO LEAVE HIM HERE YOU DAMN RED GUY!" Shadow said.

"Shadow, you do know that wasn't insulting at all right?" asked Tails. Knuckles began to cry at Shadow's insult. Shadow started laughing like Howard Sterns to his own jokes. Tails sweat dropped, "Well… that wasn't insulting to me at least…"

"Where do we meet tomorrow?" asked Rouge.

"We'll meet here." Espio said pointing to a Flamerz Bar. Everybody looked at Espio weirdly.

"Espio… Are you slightly homosexual?" asked Sonic.

"I was pointing to that empty warehouse you perverts!" yelled Espio, blushing.

"Well, the meeting area is settled, and Espio's sexual orientation is kinda settled too… So all that's left to do is to get a place to stay." Tails said.

"Damn it! We're going to have to work to pay the rent aren't we? I'm horrible at job interviews!" Knuckles cried.

**Flash back**

"So, you wanna be a Pokemon master, right?" Ash Ketchum asked.

"Sir, I don't mean to sound rude but… you're forty and you are still a virgin. You had so many chances at losing it, with Misty, May, Max, Dawn, Cynthia, Brock, Chuck Norris, Generic Trainer #81, an awkward handjob, Officer Jenny, Jesse, James, Meowth, and many more people, and you still didn't hit it off." Knuckles said.

"So?" Ash asked in a pissed off tone as he stood up.

"What I'm saying is, I don't think I can work for someone like you. I mean, how will I get raises if you're not experienced enough in the art of animal loving?" Knuckles admitted. Just then, Ash pressed a button and Knuckles went unconscious. Next day, Knuckles woke up in a Pokeball.

**Flash back over**

"I still am a Pokemon… two more levels until I learn Splash, and 4 more till evolve into Shadow." Knuckles said.

"What about me?" Shadow threatened.

"Penis." Tails said.

"Yeah!" Shadow yelled.

"We don't need to work, cause I know an apartment that is so bad, that it charges for free." Rouge said.

"Like Paris Hilton?" Tails asked.

"Hell yeah." Rouge answered.

"It's settled then, let's get a room!" Cream said.

"I'm too lazy. I'm gonna party! See you losers tomorrow!" Sonic said. Sonic dashed off, down the streets of Station Square, at the speed of sound.


	2. Day 1: The Horror on Bombington Bay

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Two: Day 1_

_Sonic_

"Uuuggghhh!" Sonic groaned. He opened his eyes to see that he had been sleeping on a stair case in front of a statue of Fonz, near some random church. Sonic had four bottles of beer in his hands, and he had the worst migraine ever. "Was yesterday a dream? If it isn't, then I'm going to listen to emo bands and cry myself to sleep."

Sonic looked around to see he was in the Station Square in Sonic Adventure.

"Damn it!" Sonic yelled. Sonic ran to the Station Square Hotel to see his friends.

- - -

"Hey Sonic!" said Tails.

"Who the crap are you..?" Knuckles asked.

Sonic ignored Knuckles and then looked around at the team, "Hey, where's Vector?"

"Jesus?" Knuckles asked, trying to get a hug from Sonic, but then Sonic chopped Knuckle's head off with a Nintendo DS… not really, Sonic just said,

"Go away Knuckles." Sonic commanded, which caused Knuckles to run away and cry… allegedly…

"Mr. Vector hasn't woken up yet, and he still is on the street where we left him." Cream said.

"Still? We have to get him out of the road! Who knows what perverted people will do to him!" Sonic said.

"SONIC, IF YOU SAVE THAT DAMN HIPPIE, I WILL KILL YOU!" yelled Shadow.

"We at least need to take him to a Pokemon Center!" Sonic retorted.

"DAMN YOU SONIC, SAY ONE MORE WORD, AND I WILL DESTROY YOU, AND YOUR MONKEYS!" yelled Shadow. Sonic went into the fetal position.

"I think those are those tasks that Eggman wanted us to do." Espio said, pointing to a billboard.

"Espio? These are advertisements for 50 Cent brand condoms." Rouge pointed out.

"Rouge? You do know you are looking through a Victoria's Secret magazine, right?" Amy questioned.

"What is Victoria's secret? Who is Victoria? Why don't I have secrets? Why can't I find truth? I MUST FIND TRUTH!" Knuckles yelled. Knuckles randomly glided out of the window. Forty minutes later he walked back in carrying a gigantic billboard that says 'Truth'.

"I found truth!" Knuckles said happily. Espio placed his hand on Knuckles' shoulder.

"I'm proud of you… Son…" Espio said. Knuckles started crying.

"50 Cent condoms?? How do those work out?" Cream asked.

"Yeah, they are condoms where there are nine bullet holes in them, cost 50 cents, and tastes like teen spirit." Rogue answered.

"Ok, my first task is…" Sonic's eyes widened, "…to learn to swim."

There was a long silence between the team until everybody started pointing their accusing fingers while laughing at him.

"No! Stop laughing at me! No! It's like my old high school all over again! Wahhhhhh! I'm going to go home and cry and listen to emo music!" Sonic yelled. He started to sing the lyrics to the most meaningful song in the world, "So cut my wrists and black my eyes, CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EYES! So I can fall asleep tonight, and die! Wahahahahahahahah! Emo music isn't working! I can't handle the pain of being a man!!" Sonic jumped out the window and ran away.

"My task is to… Damn can't say it here without getting horndogged… by Shadow… like I was while I was asleep that one time… naked... ew…" Tails said. Tails just then pulled off the card off the bill board and walked away. Everybody else did the same as Tails, for they did not want to get owned by everybody else. The whole team went to different directions.

_Tails_

"Aw man, my first task is to bring Vector to the Pokemon Center without Shadow stopping me! How on Earth am I supposed to do that?" Tails looked around for something that can help him with his first task. He rummaged through his book bag and stumbled on his artificial Chaos Emerald, "Of course! I can fight him and take Vector away!"

_Big_

"Daaa Ummm… My furst task is too reed Da Catcher In Da Rye… Aww man, dai don't know wat reeding ith" complained Big as he walked into the Station Square Library.

"Holy crap! It's the purple Kool Aid Man!" one kid yelled. Just then, Big was run out of town.

_Sonic_

Sonic had floaters on his arms, those floater noodles, an erection, and a duck tube thing around his waist. He walked toward the object of Sonic's misery. One step in, and he sank right into the bottom of the pool, like a rock. Sonic was standing on the pool floor, flailing his arms and legs around, until he stood on the bottom of the pool as if it were normal ground.

'Wow, swimming is going to take a me while…' Sonic said, 'Oh well, go emo music! Cut my wrists and black my eyes, CUT MY WRISTS AND BLACK MY EYES! So I can fall asleep tonight, or die…'

_Shadow_

"My first task is to…" Shadow stopped, "Hmph, this'll be easier then taking candy from a baby, which is fine by me."

_Knuckles_

"Ok, I need to learn how to kick box. I need Rouge for this task, or I think she could help me… suspiciously…" questioned Knuckles. Knuckles started looking for Rouge. He searched over the hills and far away, he searched the beach, he even searched OJ Simpson's heart, and did not find any sign of true and authentic beauty.

_Rouge_

"Ok, my first task is to fight with my hands. It would be easier if I didn't have huge freaking bouncy boobs that get in my way and jiggle (Damn boob bouncy-ness physics in video games)! Well, I bet Knuckles can help me with this task." Rouge said to herself. Rouge started to look for Knuckles.

_Amy_

"I wonder what type of tasks my friends have to do. They did make it seem like it was really bad. I have to lose the Piko Piko Hammer, and find the Piko Piko Sword. I guess I can lose the hammer now…" Amy threw her hammer as far as she can outside of her window.

_Espio_

"WHAT? I DON'T WANNA TURN TO A PIRATE! I DON'T WANNA, I DON'T WANNA, I DON'T WANNA!" Espio cried. Espio popped out his CD player and started listening to his silly emo music, "I'M NEVA COMIN HOME, NEVA COMIN HOME…" Just then a hammer came out of no where and hit Espio's head.

"What the deuce? That mildly hurt my chameleon like head." Espio said. Espio took the hammer and threw it at a random biker. The handle of the hammer directly hit the wheel, causing the front to flip over. The biker fell face first into the cement.

"AHHHH!! THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!" the biker cried. Just then, a cat fell from the sky and landed on the man's head. Just then, a wild Pikachu thunder bolted the poor Indian man. Then of course, a meteor fell from the sky and was directly over the man, "Oh… my… Shiva…"

_Cream_

"I have to kiss Tails? Awww hellz no!" Cream yelled.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

Knuckles was walking down the SS Park, and he finally found Rouge and they ran to each other, as if it were fate that had brought them together to meet in the confines of this computer generated world… don't worry, I don't know what I said either…

"Hey, can you teach me-" in Knuckles and Rouge said in unison.

"Can you teach me how to fist fight?" asked Rouge.

"Sure, if you teach me how to kick box." Said Knuckles. Knuckles soon went in his normal fighting stance and was demonstrating to Rouge how to uppercut.

- - -

Later that after noon the Sonic Team met at a fast food place, known as Dick's Glazed Doughnut Hole Shop. There were a lot of people there, and most of them were Shadow fangirls.

"I wonder if anyone else here noticed the restaurant's name." Cream said.

"Holy poop! I just realized that it could be an innuendo." Rouge said.

"Heh… Rogue, I can be in _your_ endo… heh…" Knuckles flirted, at which Rouge turned beet red.

"Errr… I got to go!" Rouge said as she left the restaurant, leaving Cream and Knuckles alone sitting together.

"So, Cream…" Knuckles started as he looked at her ear. It had a yellow tag on it, with the number 51, "Where'd you get that yellow thing?"

"Errr… I got to go!" Cream said as she left the restaurant, leaving Knuckles alone.

"I'm so lonely…" Knuckles sighed as he placed his head onto the table.

Meanwhile, in another table…

"So, how are the tasks going?" asked Tails.

"I HATE WATER!" yelled Sonic, "WITH THE BURNING INTENSITIES OF A THOUSAND SUNS!!"

"Hey Sonic, I can help you swim." Said Tails.

"Thanks man, after lunch ok?" Sonic said.

"Tails, are you gay for Sonic?" asked Amy.

"Nah." Was the only answer Amy got… from Espio??

"This place is perfect to do my fist task!" Shadow said. He looked down at the card he was given, _Strip you sexy mofo, Strip!_ Just then Shadow jumped on the table.

"Huh? What are you doing there?" asked Sonic to Shadow. He knew something was going to end up bad, just because he was an expert on the whole subject.

Shadow slowly took off his right glove as the random fangirls crowded around the table. His left glove was finally off, and he threw it to an audience in the crowd, and the lucky fangirl that caught it fainted. Then he took off his left glove and did the same, but more girls got on top of each other to fight for it. He started to unbutton his pants.

"Oh hell no! Not this again!" Sonic yelled, "Everybody get out of here! GET TO ZE CHOPPA!" Sonic tried to pull people away from their seats, but they were hypnotized at Shadow's odd body movements...

Everybody there was in some sort undead trance, even the entire Sonic Team, except for Big, who was still reading The Catcher in the Rye. Sonic could hear the unzipping of Shadow's pants.

"Everybody, listen, GET OUTTA HERE, NOW!" yelled Sonic again. Nobody listened. Sonic resorted to Sonic Winding the people out of the building. Just then Shadow removed his pants completely. There was a brief moment of silence and blank stares, all on the black hedgehog up on the table. Then, pandemonium.

"OH MY GOD, WHERE IS HIS PENIS!" yelled Knuckles as he shielded his ears, "OH GOD, I'LL NEVER KEEP MY KATANA IN MY PANTS AGAIN!"

"IT'S JUST A RED FURRY AFRO THING!" Amy cried out while covering her eyes.

It was pure pandemonium. Babies were crying, people were shouting, screaming, dogs were barking, Shadow was moaning… wait, what the hell? Ah forget it… All the girls were running into things really hard, breaking stuff, claiming they couldn't see. Men were trying to open up the doors, but the doors were glued shut… with Elmer's glue. As the men tried opening the doors, glass shattered, stabbing almost everybody with the sharp shards. People were getting trampled, rioting, and someone accidentally started a fire. Amongst the pandemonium, there lay two friends.

"SONIC!!! HELP ME!!" Tails cried, "Why is everything going black..?"

"TAILS!! NOOOOOOOO!!!" Sonic cried towards is best friend.

"Sonic… I think I see a white light…" Tails said weakly.

"I was too late… I WAS TOO FREAKING LATE!!!" Sonic cried.

A red and yellow sword dropped from his pants, and shot toward the crowd, impaling the biker guy who got owned earlier this chapter.

"AHHHHH! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?" cried the Indian biker man.

"Hey, there's the Piko Piko Sword!" said Amy. Amy ran toward the Piko Piko sword. Everybody started fleeing at the sight of Shadow's penis-less body. After this incident, everybody just went home, puked and cried themselves to sleep. This incident was called, The Horror of Bomington Bay Restaurant.

After Shadow's one hour of dancing, Shadow just put his pants back on, acting as if he hadn't just killed 100 people on accident, and walked into the sunset. Big just had put his book down, and chuckled slightly to himself.

"Wow… what the hell happened here?" Big asked.

Tails got back up, and was completely fine.

Sonic, on the other hand, took this really hard.

Knuckles… was just being dumb somewhere…

- - -

Two years after this incident occurred, there was a book written about it, a movie, and a first person shooter game out for the PC, all based on this tragic incident. The book won 5 prized on it, became a best seller, and a required reading book for 8th grade literature. The movie stayed as number one on the box office charts for five years, and the actors were Ben Affleck, Tom Cruise, and Billy Joe Armstrong. The video game sold one billion copies the first day of release, and the Bush Administrations made it a law that you must have this game. And if you didn't… you were a heretic and you had to be burned on the stake, just because the President can do stuff like that. Well, almost anything, but whatever…


	3. Day 2: Tails vs Shadow

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Three: Day 2_

_Tails_

Tails was pacing back and forth, wondering how he will pull off his first task, "Hmm… First I must see if Shadow is near by Vector's downed body, and I gotta know where the Pokemon center is…"

Tails rummaged through his book bag to look for a map and his fake Chaos Emerald. He pulled out his Emerald, and goggles. He placed the goggles on his head and finally pulled out a map. He scanned the map for five minutes, put it away, then walked to the city streets to the SS Library.

_Espio and Knuckles_

"Oh my Shiva, Ken, you're back!" Espio said in a high pitched voice while moving his Barbie doll up and down.

"Hey there baby…" Espio said in a lower voice while moving his Ken doll. He then crashed the two dolls together.

"MwahmwahmwahkisskissMwah!" Espio said, imitating the poorly made kissing sounds.

"Oh Ken, I want you now!" Espio said in his high pitched doll voice. Just then Knuckles walked into Espio's room.

Espio was caught red handed as Knuckles just stared at him. This is where Espio had to use his ninja skills at lying. Millions of answers processed into his head, as he thought of more. What was he going to say?

'_It's for my little brother? Nah… I'm gay? Nope… I found it? No… It's for my girlfriend!'_ Espio thought. As Espio's mouth opened to tell Knuckles about the dolls,

"Can I play as Ken?" Knuckles asked. Espio sweatdropped.

_Shadow_

Shadow stood on top of a building, with a sniper rifle, looking down the street, guarding Vector's downed body. He stayed there over night, just guarding it because Shadow has nothing better to do. Just then a really, really, REALLY pale man with long hair and an over coat walked toward the body, studied it, then tried to carry it away.

"HALT! LEAVE THAT HIPPIE DOWN THERE, OR DIE!" Shadow yelled as the man tried to run with Vector's body.

Shadow dug deep into his pants to look for the Piko Piko sword, but he never found it. Without any questions, ands, ifs, or buts, Shadow jumped down the building, and then flew towards the white guy. The white guy dropped Vector's body and tried to run away, but was picked up, and then got tossed fifty feet into the air. Shadow jumped up to him, kicked the guy's back, then kicked his face, then punched him to a building. After the last attack, Shadow put his hands together and yelled, "CHAOS BLAST!" After he completely owned the white guy, he flew back to the building he was on, and continued to watch Vector's body.

_Tails_

Tails walked into a library, just across Vector's body. He saw Big still reading The Catcher in the Rye, and Big didn't even notice Tails. Tails looked out the window to see Vector's body, and Shadow on top of a building, with a sniper rifle, and a completely mutilated white guy sprawled on the floor. Tails gulped, said his prayers, and jumped out the window.

"Chaos Shield!" yelled Tails as he ran towards Vector.

Shadow started shooting at Tails with his semi automatic, but Tail's shield deflected the bullets. Shadow jumped down the building and flew towards Tails.

"Chaos Blast!" yelled Shadow. The Chaos Shield and the Chaos Blast negated each other, but Tails acted quick and countered.

"Chaos Blade!" Tails yelled quickly. An Excalibur sword came from under the Earth and above, and hit Shadow from both sides. Shadow got launched in the air about seventy feet. Shadow took control again and was about to cast Chaos Control, but it failed due to-

"Chaos Mech Gun!" Tails yelled. Tails shot rapid bullets of photon energy at Shadow with his hands, as he was still in the air. Shadow's body dropped on the floor, fainted.

"That was easier then I thought…" said Tails. Tails walked over Shadow's body, pulled out a marker, and started drawing mustaches and glasses on him, like what I did to the teacher in 7th grade. When he finished being immature, he picked up Shadow's body and Vector's body, and walked to the Pokemon Center, which was seven blocks away from the Station Square Hotel.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

"Ok, a jab is basically a fast, but weak punch. You normally do it with what ever hand is front in your fighting stance. Got it? Hit me!" said Knuckles excitedly. Rouge punched Knuckles, but Knuckles turned his head, making Rouge completely miss, "YOU CALL THAT A PUNCH? THAT WAS PATHETIC YOU SISSY, DO IT AGAIN! HARDER, FASTER, COME ON!" Just then, Rouge punched Knuckles into a building.

"Sorry!" Rouge apologized as she ran towards the red man.

"Jeez! That hurts more than the time Mike Tyson bit off my ear!" Knuckles cried, "Because of Mike Tyson… My whole boxing career got ruined! After that, I had to become a video game character!" Knuckles began to cry, punching the ground. Rouge, feeling sorry for the deaf red man, covered him up in a hug.

- - -

Later that afternoon, the Sonic Team met at the Station Square Steakhouse for lunch. Everybody was there, except for Vector and Shadow.

"Where's Shadow?" asked Amy, not really caring, just trying to start a conversation.

"I heard he got owned, and is now in the Poke Center." Answered Sonic.

"Argh, I hear he be owned by Tails, argh…" added Espio. The team looked at Espio. He had an eye patch, a cutlass, a parrot on his shoulder, and grew an awful goatee beard, which he was petting.

"PIRATE! I CHALLENGE YOU!" yelled Knuckles as he jumped onto the table. Knuckles drew his sword and got in the Japanese sword fighting stance. Espio pulled out two guns and aimed at Knuckles. Knuckles stood still, ready to take on me. Espio shot nine times, and all of them hit Knuckles.

"OH GOD DAMN IT, THAT BURNS! I WAS SO NOT EXPECTING THAT AT ALL! ARGH!! HOW THE HELL WAS 50 CENT ABLE TO SURVIVE NINE SHOTS! DAMNIT! THIS HURTS SO MUCH!" Knuckles fell on the floor dead. Not really dead, but I think you can understand true pain of a broken heart.

"You owned Shadow? Why?" asked Sonic, completely ignoring the dying echidna on the table.

"SERIOUSLY, TAKE ME TO THE POKEMON CENTER!" Knuckles cried.

"It was my task to bring Vector to the Poke Center, but Shadow had to be a dick and try to stop me." Tails answered.

"WHY IS EVERYTHING TURNING DARK!?!" Knuckles cried.

Sonic laughed, "I am so going to make fun of Shadow for getting beat up by a 14 year old!"

"I SEE A WHITE LIGHT!!" Knuckles cried.

"Excuse me, Mr. Tails, can I talk to you in private please?" asked Cream.

"Sure, I guess" answered Tails.

"OOOOOO, I THINK SHE LIKES YOU!" blurted the entire Sonic Team, except for Knuckles, because he kinda died… I think.

- - -

_Tails and Cream_

Tails walked out to the hallway with Cream.

"So what do ya need me for?" asked Tails.

"Um, IjustrememberedIgottafinishmyfirsttaskbye!" mumbled Cream. Cream randomly neck chopped Tails hard enough so that Tails fell unconscious. When Tails fell to the floor, Cream dropped down and kissed him lightly on the lips. Cream walked out of the restaurant, leaving Tails in the hallway with perverts running around in there.

_Big, Amy, and Sonic_

"Aw man, Tails never came out of the restaurant… How am I ever going to learn how to swim?" cried Sonic, "Hey Big, can you help me swim?" Big didn't pay attention, for he was still reading the same book.

"Sonic! I can help you swim." Blurted out Amy. Amy was blushing.

"Amy, I never knew you swam…" Sonic said. Amy thought fast, trying to seduce Sonic.

"I do everything…" Amy said in a seductive tone.

"Ok, that turned me on slightly." Sonic stupidly said aloud.

"I can turn you on some more." Amy said while placing an arm around Sonic. Sonic had a second misplaced tail protruding from the front of his body.

"The apartment tomorrow morning?" Sonic asked.

"Yeah, make sure you buy a condom before then, I don't know your size yet." Amy flirted.

"Wow, that's hardcore." Sonic said as he turned red.

"I didn't know you liked hardcore Sonic." Amy flirted.

"Uh… I have to go… to the bathroom… to NOT touch myself… while NOT thinking of you… Damn, that just made me really hot…" Sonic said nervously, turning about as red as Knuckles. Sonic knew he had to get out of there, or Amy would notice his giant pocket rocket, and she would probably mention that so here goes nothing, "Big, can I hold your hand?" Sonic asked. Big and Sonic held hands together and skipped back to the apartment.

"That was awkward…" Amy said as she watched the big, fat, purple, cat hold Sonic's hand, skipping into the over exaggerated sunset, which seemed to come out of nowhere.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

"That last punch was hard enough. I think you know how to punch already." Complimented Knuckles. Rouge was blushing.

"Thank you Knuckles, but now I get to teach you how to kick!" said Rouge. Rouge got into her fighting stance and demonstrated a near perfect formed round house kick. Knuckles tried to do the same, but he fell over, which caused Rouge to laugh a little bit.

"Stop laughing at me!" Knuckles cried.

"Hah… Sorry about that, it's just kind of cute. How about I help you keep your balance?" Rouge suggested.

"Thanks, I really needed it." Knuckles said. Rouge placed her hands on Knuckle's hand and shoulder. Knuckles kicked again, and fell on top of Rouge. Face two inches apart, legs wrapped up together, arms around each other's neck, in a sexual position, basically,"Sorry!" They stayed in the same position for a few minutes, staring at each other until they both heard,

"TAILS! I WILL CLAIM MY REVENGE FOR DRAWING ON MY FACE! AND FOR KICKING MY AFRICAN ASS TOO!" Just then a gigantic red pillar of light came from the north. Shadow came flying towards Knuckles and Rouge and flew past them. Knuckles and Rouge helped each other up.

"Wow… Shadow REALLY needs to get laid… badly…" Knuckles said.

"Wait… How were you able to survive nine gunshots to the chest?" Rouge asked doing that gigantic eyed anime expression.

"I survived by love, my friend. Love…" Knuckles said. His voice trailed off.


	4. Day 3: Tails vs Shadow pt 2

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Four: Day 3_

_Knuckles_

'Did yesterday even happen? Did we really do that? Have I fallen in love with Rouge?' Knuckles thought, 'She's just so beautiful to me…' Knuckles sat up from his bed, and walked off.

"Ah, I'll figure my whole love life, Dr. Phil thing later, I'm gonna go play dolls with Espio!" Knuckles said as he picked up his Superman doll and glided off.

_Tails_

"Holy jeebus! Where am I?" asked Tails. Tails scanned the room, "I'm in the restaurant place from yesterday! How..?" Tails stopped to think for a moment, "Cream! Why would she do this to me?"

Tails stood up and noticed a lot of foot prints on his skin. He brushed it off and he started his walk to the Station Square Warehouse to receive his next task… OF DEATH!

_Espio and Knuckles_

Espio opened his eyes, sat up, yawned, scratched his scrotum, and jumped off the bed. He took a shower, brushed his teeth, and sat down on a gay pride chair, staring at the wall.

Espio sighed, "I wish I had friends that weren't Vector or Charmy…" As if Shiva has answered his prayers, there was a knock on the door. Espio slowly marched to the door and opened it up to see Knuckles with a huge smile on his face.

"Wanna play dolls with me again?" Knuckles asked holding his Superman action figure up.

'_Yay! I made a friend!'_ Espio then said, "Sure, come in."

_Sonic and Amy_

Amy was flailing her arms and legs up and down, trying to stay on top of the water with Sonic holding on to her waist trying to swim.

"Sonic! This idea isn't working! You're going to kill yourself! Stop sucking at life you discolored rodent!" yelled Amy. Sonic didn't respond, considering he couldn't hear things whilst underwater, but maybe... Amy kicked Sonic off of her so she could get his attention. Sonic let go of her waist then climbed on to the ledge of the pool.

"OWWWW! Why did you do that?" Sonic yelled rubbing the back of his head.

"I needed your attention. The crappy plan you thought of really wasn't helping you learn. Here's the plan, I carry you on the surface of the water, and you swim Ok?" asked Amy. Sonic simply nodded. Just then a bundle of sticks fell into the water. A few second later, an explosion sent Amy and Sonic flying.

"What the hell!" Sonic yelled. He looked up to see some cool 5th grader laughing his ass off for throwing fireworks into the pool. Sonic jumped at the kid and kicked the 5th graders' balls. Then he threw him out of the window to land on some guy's car.

"DAMN IT!" cried the unlucky Indian man, "THIS WAS A NEW CAR TOO!" Just then someone car jacked his car, and got away from it. Then the car exploded, "DAMN IT!"

"Sonic! What the hell!" Amy yelled, "You just beat up a minor and made a man's life miserable!"

"Sorry?" Sonic asked.

"Good enough apology, so let's go!" Amy said while pointing her hand into the sky. Amy and Sonic walked to the task place.

- - -

It was about 9:00 AM and most of the Sonic Team came to the Station Square Hotel to receive their next tasks. Tails removed his card and read it out loud.

"Defend yourself." Said Tails. Just then Shadow tackled Tails through the walls of the hotel. Now they were outside, in the streets.

"I CUT YOU! I CUT YOU GOOD!" Shadow yelled, "I SAID I'LL CLAIM VENGENCE, AND NOW YOU DIE!"

"No!" yelled Sonic.

"Oh no!" yelled Cream.

"OH YEAH!" yelled Vector, randomly barging into the scene, right through a wooden wall.

"God damnit! It's kinda annoying from the inside." The Kool Aid Man said as he threw his newspaper to the floor out of anger.

"Kool Aid Man!" a bunch of 5th graders screamed with sunny delight. They started chasing the poor red pitcher guy.

"Wow, I'm gonna kill myself…" The red fat man said as he got a hammer.

Shadow started brutally punching Tails' face without Tails fighting back. Shadow then just threw Tails into the air.

"Chaos Spear!" Shadow yelled. Five spears headed for Tails. As they hit, Shadow jumped up to Tails, grabbed him by the throat, then flipped him head first into the concrete. Shadow then stood above Tails and started kicking the already downed fox. Just then, Espio teleported behind Shadow, and kicked him off of Tails. Espio then held on to Tails' hand, and teleported away.

"WHY DID YOU INTERFERE! NOW I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU!" yelled Shadow. Just then Knuckles tackled Shadow into the ground, and then Sonic created a whirlwind that shot Shadow into the air. Knuckles jumped up, kneed Shadow's back, then kicked his face, and then stomped Shadow back to the ground again. Shadow's body crashed against the ground of the street. Knuckles dropped onto Shadow's chest.

"Yo Knuckles, this kid's crazy, like that hot movie, Girls Gone Wild: Snoop Dog Edition! We need to kill him or he'll destroy us all!" said Sonic. Knuckles closed his eyes, then lifted up his fist. A tear rolled down his eye. Knuckles hated to take away life. Knuckles was about to land a punch until a huge wave of energy shot upward against Knuckles, causing Knuckles to grow unconscious, and flew into the air.

"Knuckles!" Rouge yelled. Rouge flew away to catch Knuckles. Shadow stood back up and slowly walked towards Knuckles.

"Shadow! Stop! What the hell are you doing?" yelled Sonic at Shadow.

"Tails and Knuckles humiliated me! I must kill them for revenge!" answered Shadow with his eyes red and bloodshot.

"Who cares about humiliation? This is a damn computer simulation! Nothing goes wrong here at all!" Sonic explained.

"Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me. Sorry about Tails though, so I'll see you later." Shadow said. Shadow walked away to do his emo business elsewhere.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? HE PWNS US AND HE JUST SAYS SORRY AND WALKED AWAY!" yelled Sonic out of anger, slamming the floor. Rouge walks in carrying Knuckle's body.

"Where'd Shadow go?" asked Knuckles.

"He walked away, saying sorry…" Sonic answered angrily.

"R U T3H HUl2+3D?"asked Vector.

"What did you say?" asked Knuckles, "Oh. I'll be fine. I'll give it 10 minutes to heal this broken heart."

The Sonic Team walked into the hotel to get their task cards. Then the team disassembled, beaten and tired.

- - -

_Big_

"Ok, my next task is to…"

_Knuckles_

Knuckles was walking down the park, where he and Rouge used to be training together. Until he heard, "FAST FOR A WEEK?" near Big's hotel.

'_My next task is to make out with Rouge. I wonder if she likes me too… When should I do it? How do I do it?'_ Knuckles asked in his head. He then went on the internet to watch porn movies on how to kiss and other… misguided discrepancies… just so he knew what to do with Rouge.

Frankly, he started to get really horny and started launching the pocket rocket. Choking the chicken. Whacking the weasel. Withdrawing from his meat wallet. You know what I mean.

I don't even know what the word discrepancy is, but it sounds right… I think…

- - -

The whole team rested after that battle with Shadow. They were exhausted, tired, and unbelievably horny.

- - -

_Espio_

'Man Tails isn't in good condition. Shadow must have really beat him up. Tails is only fourteen after all. I don't think that this center will be able to save his life. I hope Eggman isn't watching me betray the pirate task. Healing Wind no Jutsu…' Just then every cut and broken bone on Tails' body disappeared as the blood dried up.

- - -

There was a sinister laugh in an alleyway among two shadowed men, one a rectangle and one was a bee.

"He broke the rules of his tasks… we must…"

"Indeed…"

"Mwahahahahahah!"

_Knuckles_

"Damn! I'm hearing evil sinister laughing in my head!" Knuckles cried as he started to panic and ran outside screaming.

- - -

"Damn, we just ruined an echidna's sanity…"

"Freakin bees…"

Freakin fat men…"


	5. Day 4: You Cheeky Bastard! A First Kiss

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Five: Day 4_

_Tails and Espio_

"Hey, Espio, is Shadow around here?" Tails asked.

"You can stop hiding behind that Ricky Martin mask already! It doesn't fool anybody, and if Shadow attacks again, I'll kick his ass with my ninja ownage things." Espio said as he threw a kunai into the air to demonstrate.

"Yeah, you're right. Shadow's a complete pansy and a cheeky bastard, and even Big can take him on…" Tails said as he removed the Ricky Martin mask, his pants, his size C bra, and the cherry red g-string, just for safety.

"Do you think my third task is up on the wall? I don't know if that task on the wall yesterday was real or not." Asked Tails.

"Only one way to find out. I'll race you there." Espio sprinted forward, and Tails followed after.

"Wait up you bastard!" Tails said jokingly.

'_Wooo! I made a new friend!!'_ Espio thought as he teleported.

"Espio! You cheeky bastard!" Tails complained.

_That Cheeky Bastard…_

The unlucky Indian guy was just walking outside, walking his dog until a random kunai just dropped from the sky and pierced the dog's stomach.

"Noooo! WHO KILLED MY DOG!?!" cried the unlucky Indian guy.

_Sonic_

"God damn it! My next task is to stay in Super Saiyin - errr… I mean Super Sonic Mode for three days straight. I'll be getting a lot of attention from the civilians." Sonic sighed in disbelief. Sonic jumped in the air, and turned into Super Sonic and left his house only to find a grieving Indian guy and a 40 year old died dog. Just then, random Sonic fangirls ran to Sonic, in his Super form.

"DAMN!!" Sonic said as he dashed off in his Super Mode.

_Cream_

"I have to stop saying mister for one whole day… Easy, right?" Cream asked.

_From out side Cream's window…_

"She's going to stop saying mister? Shit! We attack at midnight…" said a couple of African American people wearing read shirts.

"What's the plan though?" asked another Blood member.

"We hit its weak point for MASSIVE damage." The leader answered.

_Shadow_

"I have to be completely different than Sonic. Hmph, this will be easy. WHERE'S THE DAMN FOURTH CHAOS EMERALD?" he yelled... in America...

_Knuckles and Rouge_

Knuckles was walking down the Station Square Beach, until he saw-

"Hey Rouge!" Knuckles blurted out without thinking. Knuckles started running towards her, and she was running to him.

"Knuckles! I was just looking for you. I need you for my next task." Rouge said in excitement. She held both of his hands, and got closer to Knuckles. Just then, from behind a fake bush…

"Kiss, kiss, kiss..." they all loudly chanted.

"Shhhh! I think those two are going to kiss!" said Super Sonic.

"Those two look so cute together!" said Amy.

"VVH3R35 DA C0Pu+3R R00M!" asked Vector.

"Vector! Shut up you cheeky bastard!" yelled everybody else.

"Damn! Not here!" said Shadow.

"Rouge, did you hear something?" asked Knuckles.

"We'll worry about that later…" Rouge said.

"Everyone, quiet down!" Tails barked.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss..." Everyone quietly chanted in a whisper.

"Shadow! Keep your pants on!" chided Super Sonic.

"I think somebody's watching us." Stated Knuckles worryingly. Just then Rouge closed her eyes, placed her hand on the side of his face, and pulled her lips to his for a deep and passionate kiss. They stayed in each other's embrace, and there tongues were wrestling each other like The Rock's wrestling career. The kiss lasted for ten minutes, but both of them didn't want it to stop. They HAD to stop of one of them was going to die either by running out of oxygen, or a random satellite falling on one of them, just like that guy in Canada. Ahh… good times in Canada… Rouge broke the kiss, but they were still staring into each other's eyes, both beet red, or just as red as they could go.

"WOOOOHOOOOO! KNUCKLES IS GOING TO GET LAID TONIGHT!" yelled Super Sonic. Super Sonic started dancing.

"Shadow! You have no penis, keep your damn pants on!" yelled Tails. Just then everybody looked at Shadow. It started to smell like teen spirit.

"Ahh… The sweet scent of desire…" Shadow said.

"JESUS SHADOW! IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT!" Sonic and Tails screamed out. Knuckles saw everybody run out of a bush, covering their noses. Just then, Shadow walked out.

"Knuckles, I'm proud of you… my son…" Shadow paused, "Just don't break her!"

Shadow walked away as Knuckles and Rouge were staring at Shadow, still holding on to each other.

"That was random…" Rouge said.

"Just like this story…" Knuckles added.

"What?"

"I love you Rouge." Knuckles said.

"Aww…" Rouge said as she pulled Knuckles in for another kiss.

- - -

Later that day, everybody met at the fast food restaurant. Knuckles and Rouge had their own table, and Shadow sat alone. Big started crying as he saw everybody else but him eat.

"Mister Big, are you alright?" asked Cream patting his shoulder, _'Damn it! I said mister on accident!'_

"I'm a big boy… I can make it for a week… just a week… just one, pain full, long week." Big started crying. Big walked away, hunching over a complete 90 degrees while crying.

Super Sonic just started to look around after his healthy meal of chili dogs. He noticed EVERY person in the restaurant staring at him whispering sentences full of LIES!!!!!!!!!!

"No! Stop staring, you meanie butthead people! Get away from me or I'll kill you all! Stop staring at me because I'm different! Go away or I'll go home and write poems on how much I hate you all! Stop staring! Ahhh! I'll be just fine, pretending that I'm not… Ahhhh! Emo songs don't take the pain away! Ahhhh! I can't take this hell we call life anymore!" Super Sonic cried out. Super Sonic jumped out of the window, in a sad attempt at suicide, but since he can fly, he ended up running home to cry himself to sleep instead.

"Eh… He's fine. He's just going through his depressed teenage phase." Said Tails.

"Isn't Sonic like… twenty?" asked Amy.

"I can make you feel twenty." said Cream with a smile on her face and with a seductive tone, rubbing Amy's thigh.

"Ok, I'll come over after lunch." Said Amy.

Shadow walked in dressed up all girlish. He had a leather mini skirt, a black leather tank top, and had make up on his face similar to the make up for Gene Simmons from KISS, that cheeky bastard…

"Hey guys, am I different from Sonic now?" asked Shadow in a girlish voice. A moment of silence went out about the restaurant. Just then everybody started laughing at Shadow's transvestite appearance.

"No! Stop staring at me you accursed humans! Get away from me you juice heads! Stop laughing at me because I'm black and a transvestite! Go away or I'll go home and cry myself to sleep! Stop staring! Ahhh! I'd never thought, I'd die alone, I laughed the loudest who'd have known… Ahhhh! Emo songs don't TAKE MY PAIN AWAY! Ahhhh! I can't take the pain of this hell we call life anymore!" Shadow cried out. Shadow jumped out of the same window Super Sonic jumped out of in a sad attempt of killing himself. Unlike Sonic, Shadow can't fly, so he ended up falling to his inevitable and bloody death. Un/fortunately, he was on the first floor, and didn't really die, so he ran home to cry himself to sleep instead.

"Nooo! Shadow!!" Knuckles cried.

"Man I'm surrounded by weird people…" Espio said, "Hey Vector, did you start doing your tasks?"

"VVH+5K5?" asked Vector.

"You do five tasks. By the end of the month, you will return to the real world IF you do the five tasks. If you do not, you will be left behind, to await… Computer apocalypse." Answered Amy in her Eggman voice, if she has one that is.

"AIMIE, YUR +1lVl1NG 15 1lVlP3CCAB73!" said Vector.

When lunch was done, the Sonic Team disassembled.

_Cream and Amy_

"OH GOD CREAM! YOU REALLY ARE MAKING ME FEEL TWENTY! HARDER! FASTER!" yelled Amy.

_Right outside their window, WITH MY RADIO! Not really with a radio, but more along the lines of a video recorder._

"Yeah… that's good… yeah… a bit slower…yeah… oh baby this is hard core…" Shadow moaned while taping the two girls make each other feel twenty.

_Vector_

"1 H/3 +0 +3ND A 5CH001 FUR 3 DY5 (I have to go to school for three days)." said Vector. Vector walked to the Station Square Elementary School.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

Knuckles and Rouge were lying down on the beach, watching the sun slowly going down. Rouge's head was on Knuckle's chest, listening to his heart beat faster, and Knuckles placed his arm around her shoulders.

'_Man this feels so right! I don't even need to talk to her to let her know I love her.'_ Knuckles thought, _'I wonder if somebody was actually watching us kiss earlier today…' _

'_Knuckles, you are amazing…' _Rouge thought.

'_Rouge, you rock my world…'_ Knuckles thought. He noticed the she was sleeping, so then Knuckles placed his other arm around her, and he fell asleep too.

She dreamed of his life with him in 10 years…

**Rouge's Dream**

Ok, here's the setting: They now live in a new white house, with a white picket fence, a wiener dog in the front yard and its little dog house, and two and a half children. Rouge is now a stereotypical housewife of America.

"Hey Rouge, I'm home!" Knuckles said as he walked through the door of their new white house.

"Knuckles!" Rouge said as she ran into Knuckle's arms.

"Mwahmwahkisskissmwah!"

**Rouge's Dream end**

He dreamed of playing dolls with Espio tomorrow…

**Knuckle's Dream**

"Hey Barbie, I'm home!" Knuckles said in his low voice.

"Ken!" Espio said in the high voice as she bashed Barbie into Ken.

"Mwahmwahkisskissmwah!" they both said as they imitated kissy kissy goo goo noises… familiar in anyway?

**Knuckle's Dream end**

Hey, I had to kill the clichéd Hollywood/Myspace romance somehow… I hate clichéd love stories with the same predictable endings and same predictable drama…

_Espio and Tails_

Espio were just walking down the streets of Station Square until the Egg computer came infront of them.

"Espio! You betrayed your own tasks! You used ninjutsu when you were a pirate! We all know that pirates don't use ninjutsu! For your treachery you shall be the first to face computer apocalypse!" yelled the computer. Espio pulled out a throwing knife and threw it at the computer, but the computer somehow deflected the knife towards the unlucky Indian guy back in chapter 2.

"AHHHHHH! NOT AGAIN! YOU CHEEKY BASTARD!!" he cried. Just then a UFO appeared over the Indian guy's head, "God damn racist aliens!"

"Damnit! Tails don't look!" Espio yelled. Just then a narrow beam of light came up from under Espio, and Espio levitated into the air. Espio's body started to get cut by massive swords, and then he fell down, into the ground. He could still hear Espio's blood bathing screams. The screams ran through his ears like a sick lullaby.

"Tails, imagine getting cut up like that forever, that is what hell feels like!" the computer flew away.

"No… How can hell be any worse?" cried Tails.

- - -

It was midnight...

"Ok, this is the apartment, now we barge in and take the money and the women..." said a person from a gang.


	6. Day 5: Lemonade

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Six: Day 5_

_Super Sonic_

"Can't get out of this building! Mean people will laugh at me! Two more days, two more days!" Super Sonic cried while sucking his thumb in the fetal position.

_Knuckles and Vector_

Knuckles stood outside of Espio's doorway knocking for 10 whole minutes. Vector just then walked by, from his room about to leave for the Warehouse.

"Knuckles, you here for Espio? He didn't show up from last night…" Vector said.

"Maybe he's lost?" Knuckles asked worryingly.

"Don't even joke about that you ass." Vector said.

"Wanna play dolls with me since Espio isn't here?" Knuckles asked, pulling out his Ken and Barbie action figures. Vector sweat dropped.

_Big and Froggy_

"Hey Froggy. Did you know before I sleep, I take Viagra so I won't roll off the bed?" Big asked/told the damn frog.

"HOLY CRAP! I CAN'T PUT UP WITH YOUR IDIOCITY ANYMORE!" Froggy yelled as it ran away.

"No! Froggy, I need you!" Big said as he started chasing Froggy.

- - -

Amy, Cream, and Shadow were standing at the Station Square Warehouse, in a triangle pattern.

"Where is everybody?" asked Cream. Tails, just then, ran in crying. Then he fell on the floor to his knees, holding his head. Then Tails fell in love. Then America is saved from the stupid people taking over and running the country. Nah, we all know that stupidity in America is mandatory… freaking stupid people…

"Everybody! Eggman killed Espio! I saw him die right before me!" Tails cried out. Just then Espio walked in stoking his long peni- I mean pirate beard.

"Ahoy me lads!" Espio said in his weird pirate voice.

"Espio! I thought you were dead!" Tails cried. Tails ran towards Espio and gave him a hug, but Espio broke free.

"Ew! Tails is gay!" yelled Amy. A tear dropped from Bush's eyes as he pushed the big red button to…

"ERADICATE THE GAY FOX!" Shadow yelled at Tails. Shadow pulled out his NEW Piko Piko sword from his pants, and started chasing Tails, with the speed of sound.

"I'm not gay! I'm not gay! I'm not gay!" yelled Tails as he ran around crying.

'_Aw man! Tails is gay… How am I going to lose my virginity to a man?'_ Cream thought.

Knuckles and Rouge walked into the building holding hands and Knuckles noticed Shadow chasing Tails.

"I wanna play tag too!" Knuckles yelled. Knuckles started chasing Shadow, and Big fell from the sky, and started chasing Knuckles, then everybody was in a grand old, orgasmic game of tag. Rouge pulled out her task card, and she read it.

'_Task: Lose your virginity to Knuckles… Get my meat pounded by Knuckles? How am I going to ask him to do that?'_ Rouge thought as she stared at her boyfriend chase Tails around.

'_I have to kiss Sonic? HELL YEAH BITCH!_' thought Amy. Amy left the building, and started to look for Sonic.

- - -

_Sonic and Amy_

Amy had searched for Sonic everywhere! The beach, Tail's house, her closet, her heart, but she didn't find him anywhere! She stood outside of Sonic's room.

_Knock. Knock. KABOOM!! Knock._

'_Damn it, someone is looking for me!'_ Sonic thought. He then ran and hid in his closet.

"Damn, I guess he's not here…" Amy said as she walked away.

_Shadow_

"I have to find a way to become different than Sonic… He's all speed and agility so… I must become a samurai!" Shadow pulled out his sword, and a straw hat, and started to beat up innocent civilians on the street, like that Hot Coffee game… Shadow cut a random person in a taxi cab.

"OH, GUP SHAH MUHAMMAD ES GHANDI! WHY ME!" cried the unlucky Indian man. The Indian guy fell from his car onto the road. Just then, a speeding hotdog car was closing in on the downed man, "Oh. My. Shiva…"

_Tails_

"I have to prove to everybody that I am not gay!" Tails yelled out accidentally. Everybody in the apartment started laughing at him, "Cor Blimey…"

"Oh baby, he's gay?" asked Uchiha Sasuke. He turned around to look at Tails with a huge flamboyant smile on his face.

"ERADICATE THE FOX!" Shadow yelled out of nowhere. Shadow started chasing after Tails. Knuckles came from behind a bush and started chasing Shadow, and Big dropped from the sky and started chasing Knuckles.

- - -

Everybody met up in the Dicky's Donut Hole Restaurant.

"DAMNIT! I CAN'T FIND SONIC!" yelled Amy.

'_I have to prove that I'm not gay…'_ thought Tails. Just then Tails grabbed Cream's waist and back of her head, pulled her in closer, and brushed his lips against hers, _'That was easy…'_ Just then Tails felt a huge impact against the side of his face, causing him to get knocked back against the wall.

"OWWW!" yelled Tails.

"Don't you do that to me again! I'm in love with Amy!" yelled Cream, still beet red from blushing.

"ELIMINATE THE BISEXUAL!" yelled Shadow. Shadow started chasing him. Then of course Knuckles… ah screw it, I hate my life.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Tails cried. Tails quickly got up, and ran away.

"Wait, you love me? I thought it was just a hot lesbian one night stand thing!" commented Amy.

"Really? Damn, I gotta tell Tails!" Cream yelled. Cream started chasing Tails too.

"Man, I'm so lonely…" said Amy.

"Me too sister… I can fix that…" Shadow said.

"Shadow, you lack a no-no spot, and if you did, it would malfunction, making it impossible for you to obtain an erection, therefore you cannot have sexual intimacy with me, unless you get surgery." Amy said, pushing up her glasses which came out of nowhere.

- - -

_Knuckles and Rouge_

'_How do I tell him I want him inside me, hard?'_ Rouge thought. Rouge turned on the water to hot, took her clothes off, and got in, _'Hey Knux, do you want to be my Siamese twin? Nah, too scientific. Knux, I'm feelin a bit off, do you think you can turn me on? Nah, too corny. Hey Knuckles, did you know you remind me of McDonalds? Because I wanna take you out and eat you in the back of my car… Nah, Knuckles might not get the sexual innuendo and might think I'm a cannibal… Well…'_

Knuckles was on top of the roof, trying to break dance until the roof fell in. Coincidentally, he fell into Rouge's bathroom. Coincidentally, Rouge's task was to be plowed by Knuckles. Coincidentally, Rouge was naked thinking about Knuckles. Coincidentally, Jesus rose from the dead. Coincidentally, the planets all lined up perfectly, and now the Earth is getting ripped in half due to the immense gravitational pull of all the planets being all lined up. Oh well, I'll see you all in the after life then…

"Ah! Rouge! I didn't mean to fall in! I'm sorry!" Knuckles said shyly, while blushing even redder… if possible… Knuckles started to walk away.

"Wait!" Rouge stood up as Knuckles turned around, "I know-"

'_Boobs…'_

"-that this is akward-"

'_Boobs…'_

"-but, I want-"

'_Boobs…'_

"-you inside me. Nao"

"WOOOOOO HOOOOO!" Knuckles yelled.

Knuckles got into the tub with Rouge and Knuckles wrapped his arms around her. He started biting her lip, teasing her, then moved his tongue to wrap around hers. The tongues were wrestling, until Knuckles' tongue gave in for a bit. He started to move his face lower. Knuckles placed one hand on her left breast, massaging it. Just then he moved his head down to her right breast, and circled the hardening nipple with his tongue, as they got harder with every tongue stroke. Rouge accidentally let a loud moan escape her mouth, but she was enjoying every second of Knuckle's teasing her. Knuckles moved his head to her neck and started nibbling at her neck, then Knuckles left some red marks on her neck, but Rouge's rate of moaning increased. Knuckles finally backed away. He took out his throbbing member and Rouge at first, kissed the head of it ash she placed her hand on the base of it, jacking him off. Slowly, she placed her mouth over the tip of it. Her tongue was all over the head, making Knuckles moan, then she moved her tongue a little lower at a time. Rouge then bobbed her head up and down, while jacking him off with her hand.

"God, you're amazing…" Knuckles moaned out. Knuckles shot his magic into her mouth, and Rouge gagged at first, but swallowed all of it. Knuckles took his member back out of her mouth and he wrapped his arms around her body. He started to poke her sex with the tip of the penis, in and out, just to tease her.

"Knuckles, stop doing that!" Rouge whined. Knuckles then stuck his whole length into her sex slowly, then started thrusting her slow, but deep. Rouge was let another moan escape her mouth, but two times louder. She closed her eyes, and wrapped her legs around his hips while placing her arms around his neck.

"Faster Knux! Faster!" moaned Rouge. Knuckles knew he had found her spot, and continued to thrust that one particular area. Knuckles pulled her body in closer, while kissing her. Knuckles picked up the pace, thrusting her faster and faster. Rouge was moaning into his kiss, and the water in the tub started splashing off the sides of the tub. It was five full minutes of thrusting. He was ready, but didn't know where to shoot his magic. He flipped her over, so her stomach was on the side of the bath. He stuck his readied member into a new, smaller hole, and shot his magic inside of her secondary hole. He flipped her over again. He started to finger her, while kissing her passionately. She couldn't hold her fluids in. She planted her seed all on Knuckles' hand. Knuckles and Rouge sat on the edge of the tub, holding each other, still kissing passionately.

_Shadow_

Shadow sat on top of the roof, looking down the hole that Knuckles fell into. He saw all of it. He started to shed tears, but tears of joy.

"That… was… beautiful…" Shadow said in awe. He started rubbing his eyes to hold back tears. Just then Shadow just broke down and cried.

_Cream and Tails_

Cream and Tails were standing on the roof of a tall building, just relaxing and hanging out. They were looking through binoculars to see people.

"Wow, Shadow is so emo…" Cream said.

"Let me see." Tails said. Cream handed Tails her Pokemon binoculars to see Shadow bawling his heart and soul out.

"See him?" asked Cream.

"Man… I wish my grass was emo, just like Shadow, so it would cut itself." Tails said.

"NO! Never wish that!" Cream demanded in a fiery yell.

"Hm? Why's that?" Tails asked.

"My grass was emo once so…"

**FLASH BACK**

"AHHHHHH! Why is the grass always greener on the other side?" whined Cream's front lawn. Cream heard him and sat down on the lawn.

"It's OK! The grass over there probably thinks your greener than him too…" Cream said reassuringly. The lawn started to cry fake tears… again…

"Ahhhhh! Stop sitting on me! You're hurting my eyes! I wanna listen to Hawthorne Heights but I realize I have no ears! Cream, wanna cut out wrists and black our eyes, while listening to Evanescence, while talking about hot guys?" the lawn whined/asked again. Cream left for an hour and came back. The grass was still crying. Cream pulled out a shot gun.

**FLASHBACK OVER**

"Wow… That flash back is so pathetic, but I can't help but notice that it is so depressing too…" said Tails.

"It's OK Tails, just don't end up like Shadow, or I'll do to you what I did to my lawn…" Cream threatened.

Tails joked around, imitating cutting his wrists and saying "Wahhh! I'm emo!"

"TAILS!!!" Cream said as she started to make out intensely.

'_She did this to her emo lawn? What the WTF?'_ Tails thought while in the kiss.


	7. Day 6: ZOMG! AMY AND CREAM HARDCORE!

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Seven: Day 6_

_Amy_

"Argh!" Amy yawned. She felt something furry in her bed, under the sheets with her… stroking Amy's long, beautiful, pink, hedgehog legs, "Sonic?"

Amy took the blanket off of her bed and saw it was Tails with a third tail and a huge smile on his face.

HUGE smile.

HUGER than a fat man on a bike.

HUGER than The Beatles' effect on music.

Almost as HUGE as me baby :-D

…Sorry you had to read that…

"Hey-ah! Good morning Amy!" Tails said excitedly. Amy jumped out of the bed and realized that she was naked and wet.

"TAILS! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!" asked Amy furiously.

"Proving to the world I'm not gay." Answered Tails. The closet door opened up and Shadow walked out of it.

"ERADICATE THE PEDOFILE!" yelled Shadow pointing his gun at Tails.

"Shadow, where the hell did you come from..?" Amy asked.

"My mom…" Shadow answered.

"I'm 14 though… and she's 18… so technically it's completely legal in my country." retorted Tails. Tails gave the American flag a salute, and the president shed a tear for all his good (Cough) deeds and hard (Cough) work.

"Man I'm surrounded by weird people…" Amy said. Shadow started chasing Tails. Amy's dress turned into Knuckles and he started chasing Shadow. Big came out from under the bed and started chasing Knuckles… again… Cream walked into the hot, insane, yet not erotic tag orgy… OF LUST!!

"What's going on in here?" asked Cream. Cream eyed Amy's pink, hot, naked body.

"Nothing, I was just going to take a shower." Amy said depressingly. Amy walked away with Cream following after.

- - -

A few moments later…

"OH GOD CREAM! CLEAN ME HARDER! CLEAN ME FASTER! CREAM, IT'S SO FUN!!" yelled Amy in ecstasy. Knuckles walked by hearing this.

"What the hell?" Knuckles asked. He knocked down the bathroom door and saw Cream and Amy playing a Nintendo DS, Trauma Centre.

"Knuckles!" yelled Cream and Amy in unison.

"Sorry…" Knuckles pulled the door back up and started duct taping and gluing the door back.

"That butt face fell for it!" Amy said. Amy and Cream took off their clothes.

"AMY, YOU'RE SO TIGHT AND HOT!" moaned Cream.

"CREAM! I THINK I'M COMING!"

To be continued after the break…

_Tails and Espio_

"Espio, how exactly did you get out of hell – er… the Computer Apocalypse?" asked Tails.

"When you actually saw me sink into the floor, I was actually going back to the real world instead."

"Is it still the same as it was before we left?"

"I really couldn't tell because I was inside his bedroom. Eggman said he'd let me back into the computer simulation if I did something special for him… a favor if you will…" answered Espio, stroking his pirate beard.

"What was it?" asked Tails.

"You'll know when you're older… and when Cream leaves you… And when you can't get a girlfriend… for 20 years… and you get REALLY curious due to constant rejection… and when-" Espio was cut off.

"OK! I KNOW ALREADY!" yelled Tails, forcing Espio to stop talking about how he did THAT to Eggman…

"Yeah, but make sure you come out of the closet before you turn 25, then you'll regret it…" Espio warned.

"I'M NOT GAY!!!" Tails shouted, which gave him weird looks from everyone around…

"WHAT YOU SAY?!?!" Shadow asked.

"Oh bloody hell…" Tails said as he started to run…

- - -

Everybody met at the Station Square Apartment, except for Big, Vector, and Sonic.

"My second task is to beat Sonic in a race… Cor blimey, I hate Eggman." Tails sighed.

"Convert into ninjutsu, and master the five elemental techniques." Espio paused, "HELL YEAH! I hate being a pirate. Pirates are gay."

"WHATCHU SAI!" Everybody yelled in unison. For some peculiar reason, the restaurant was occupied with pirates. It must be pirate season this month… That or for some reason ninja immigrated to Canada. Maybe even Mexico if they are lucky. Hell, maybe the world will finally end now that the ninjas are moving to Mexico… Oh God! Bad mental images in my head!

"Tails isn't gay anymore! ERADICATE THE GAY PIRATE ESPIO!" yelled Shadow while pointing his samurai sword to the sky.

"Why hate on gays? You republican or something?" asked Espio. Espio drew out his cutlass and started sword fighting Shadow.

"I have to find a new voice actor… What's a voice actor?" asked Cream.

"I think it's a big strap on." Said Amy who was winking at Cream, "I can help you try out your new voice actor…"

The team disassembled.

- - -

_Tails and Super Sonic_

"Sonic!" yelled Tails. Tails started banging Sonic's door. Tails then just kicked Sonic's door down. He saw the blue guy with a knife in his dark, meaningless, beating heart, a puddle of blood on the bed surrounds the rotting corpse, a piece of paper in his hands, reciting his last words and his final will, and a faint sound in the background, the song 'Ohio is for Lovers' was playing to add on to this painful session, "Holy Shit! Sonic!!! Noo!!"

The closet opened up and Super Sonic walked out, "Hey Tails. So I see you saw the doll. Do you like the suicidal doll I made of myself?" Tails fell on the floor, stupefied.

"Sonic! You bastard! I just thought you actually died you bastard!" Tails yelled.

"Nah, I was just isolating myself from the civilians even more than usual. I got REALLY bored playing with my Pokemon Yellow and started to fool people who walked in. So why'd you come here? Anything I can help you with?" Super Sonic asked.

"My second task is to beat you in a race." Tails answered.

"Not today! Tomorrow I can finally get out of my house normal blue guyhog form!" Super Sonic said. Sonic spun around, and did some Japanese cartoon pose.

"Fine…" Tails said, "So why are you staying in your room here all by yourself?"

"I don't know, most likely a lame plot device… again… man I hate his creativity…" Sonic cried.

"Sonic, what the hell are you smoking?" Tails asked.

"Not even OJ Simpson knows Tails… Not even he…" Sonic said as he patted Tail's shoulder.

- - -

The team met in a new restaurant this time, called Station Square Ultimate Restaurant. Shadow was eating alone, Sonic wasn't there, Big was in the bathroom throwing up, and Vector was working at the cash register. Shadow was evilly staring at Espio, as if he wanted to kill him.

"I need help if I'm to race against Sonic tomorrow." Tails said nervously.

"Oh yeah! Sonic! I forgot I was to pretend I'm his girlfriend." Amy said, "Oh yeah, Cream, I love your new voice actor."

"Really? I didn't know you liked cactuses…" Cream said.

"Ew…" Rouge said as images flooded her head.

"Take steroids." Big suggested to Tails as he walked back from the bathroom.

"No! I don't want you to have a small wiener!" cried Cream.

"I think these pills will help you out… These aren't steroids, but the make me feel stronger when I'm fighting…" Espio said as he handed Tails a pill, which Tails just swallowed. The table was getting lifted off the ground.

'_Is this some sort of new ninjutsu?'_ Espio thought, _'This never happened to me when I used thes… Oh my Shiva, it's huge freaking huge!'_

'_Shit! I think he gave Tails Viagra on accident!'_ Amy yelled in her head.

'_Holy crap, I wanna get my meat pounded by that monster!'_ Cream thought as she rubbed an unknown liquid onto a handkerchief.

'_Man he's pretty big for his age.'_ Thought Vector, _'Oh who am I kidding? I wish I were at least average!'_

'_Almost as big as Knuckles…'_ Rouge thought.

'_What the hell is lifting up the table?'_ Big thought, looking underneath to see it being lifted up by a gigantic stick, _'Ok, good. I'm not going crazy.'_

'_Holy crap, I can hear myself think! Hi!!'_ Knuckles thought as he placed his hands on his head in amazement.

'_That kid has nice pubes…'_ a random man said almost out of nowhere.

'_I'm so lonely… I wonder what the Sonic team is doing at the cool table right about now…'_ Shadow cried.

After everybody was done staring in awe at Tails' huge wiener, everybody left the restaurant. Cream walked with Tails.

"Hey Tails, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" Cream asked as she put the handkerchief on Tails' face. Tails dropped.

- - -

_Tails and Cream_

Tails woke up naked, and tied to a bed. The Viagra was still in effect.

"What the hell?" Tails thought as he tried to break free from the ropes. Cream walked into the room, naked.

"Hey Tails." Cream winked at Tails. She walked towards the three tailed fox with the biggest grin on her face.

_Knuckles_

Knuckles walked by Cream's room:

"OH TAILS! PUSH IT! OH YES! PUSH IT!" moaned Cream.

Knuckles sighed, "Man! Kids and their video games these days!" Knuckles walked to Rouge's room for some video game action too. Really, nothing too suggestive here. Well, maybe they were going to play Dead or Alive or Sexy Beach 3, but Knuckles and Rouge were not intended to do it in this chapter. Tails and Cream were really playing video games too, Mario Party, hence the pushing of the party blocks. I'm too lazy to write something like that, you perverts! Ah, who cares..? Make them do what ever you want with each other… I'm too lazy to do something that's not guitar or Nintendo DS…


	8. Day 7: Lemonade, the second edition

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Eight: Day 7_

_Tails_

"Ah bloody hell mate! How the hell do I beat Sonic in a race if he could run at the speed of sound?" Tails questioned. Tails felt a huge pain in his lower back. He limped to the mirror and noticed that his canine teeth were showing.

- - -

Everybody met down the main road of Station Square. Sonic walked to the starting line, and Tails followed after. They each placed their front foot on the starting line and looked at Espio.

"You two faggots ready? It's just a 20 mile straight road test. If Tails wins… He's not going to Eggman. If Sonic wins… he gets bragging rights… again… contestants ready?" asked Espio.

"Yeah!" Sonic said.

"I'm not a faggot…" Knuckles cried.

"Ok, on your mark:

3…

2…

1…

go!"

As soon as the starting shot was fired, Tails' eyes burnt red, fangs grew, nails sharpened, and Tails grew a fourth tail. Tails dashed forward, almost unseen, and Tails was about 40 feet in front of Sonic.

"Holy crap! Tails wasn't that fast last night!" Cream said.

"My son is finally growing up… I'm so proud of him!" cried Shadow.

"Wait… where is his fourth tail? All I see is three…" asked Knuckles looking around Tails' body.

"You're too young to understand." said Amy while shaking her head in disappointment.

"Damn it! I'm getting beat by my side kick!" Sonic complained. Sonic turned back into Super Sonic and flew even faster than before. Super Sonic was able to keep up with Tails, but unable to surpass him. It was neck to neck, both of their knees were weak, and arms are heavy. Tails just turned around and punched Super Sonic in the face, and Sonic spun out of control, and crashed into a man's house, making one half of the house collapse into the ground.

"Damn, you're allowed to do that?" Knuckles asked.

"Yeah, it's a free for all race…" Espio explained.

"With two people? Wow, what a dumb free for all…" Shadow complained.

"Shut up. Make me a sandwich." Espio commanded.

"Yes boss…" Shadow sulked off.

"GOD DAMN YOU! I JUST BOUGHT THIS HOUSE YESTERDAY!! AND I LACK INSURANCE!!" the unlucky Indian guy cried. Sonic went back to normal, due to fatigue, but Tails won the race. Tails went back to normal form.

"Tails, what was that? You went all sexily fast, then ripped Sonic." asked Amy.

"Tails, do you think you can turn back to that form tonight?" asked Cream. Tails saw people throw stuff at Sonic, as Sonic walked away, crying and angry.

"Sonic! I'm sorry!" yelled Tails, but Sonic couldn't hear him. Nobody ever listens to cheaters…

- - -

After the racing event was over, everybody, except for Sonic, went to the warehouse to see if they have new tasks. Cream started looking for her new task on the bulletin, but she couldn't find it.

"What? I got a new voice actor! I should get the new task!" Cream yelled.

"You noobs… strap ons are NOT voice actors! A voice actor is a person who plays the voice of a video game/cartoon character. I know this because I just got a new one!" said Vector in a British voice.

"Holy crap Vector! The people who actually read this crappy story can understand what you say!" congratulated Amy.

"What story?" Vector asked.

"Nevermind…" Amy sighed.

"Where's the DAMN fourth chaos emerald?" yelled Shadow while holding a gun.

"Hey Knuckles, why is Shadow speaking American?" whispered Rouge to Knuckles.

"Damn! Not here!" Shadow yelled as all of his rings dropped.

"Don't worry Rouge, Shadow just wishes he were white, so he is speaking American." Knuckles said.

"I remember when I was that young and that stupid…" Rouge reminisced.

"Rouge… You do know that you are technically white right?" Tails asked.

"I may be white on the outside Tails, but I am Native American on the inside…" Rouge said. Just then Shadow appeared with an old school gun and a pilgrim hat.

"I see we missed one…" Shadow said as he cocked his gun. Rouge appeared wearing feathers and axes.

"So this is where this war ends…" Rouge said. Rouge threw the axe at Shadow's head, instantly killing him.

"OH GOD THIS BURNS!" Shadow said before he died.

"My next task is to listen to good music. What the hell? Fall Out Boy and Simple Plan are good bands!" Vector screamed. Just then everybody started laughing and pointing at Vector, "Uh… why is everyone laughing at me?"

"Vector, you're joking right?" Amy asked.

"No! They must be one of the most punk bands in the world! Ever! Unlike those poser punk bands like Bomb the Music Industry or Bad Religion…" Vector explained, which caused MORE people to point and laugh at him.

"Hey! Let's beat up Vector for listening to pansy poser rock music!" Shadow yelled. Just then Shadow, Amy, Knuckles, the Kool Aid Man, and the blue ghost from Pacman started chasing Vector.

"I thought Shadow died…" Big said outloud.

"Damn you Fall Out Boy! Because of you I'm going to be beat up! Damn you losers!" Vector yelled.

- - -

_Meanwhile in a concert_

"AH JEEZ! WE JUST CAUSED A VIDEO GAME CROCODILE TO GET BEAT UP FOR LISTENING TO OUR MUSIC! LET'S WRITE A SONG ABOUT IT NOW!" The lead singer said out loud. The band walked off the stage and later wrote a song called "Sugar, We're Going Down" dedicated to the crocodile they thought was beat up for liking them. Then they got famous. Then they were accused of being gay. Then George W. Bush arrested all gays, put them in Cuba, and Fall Out Boy was arrested. No one ever heard of Fall Out Boy again… Them and Freddy Mercury from Queen were arrested too. And Lance Bass. And my next door neighbor. Damn homophobes and their lack of understanding…

- - -

"Hey! That means Tails will be arrested soon!" Shadow said.

"I'm not gay Shadow…" Tails said.

"Wait, what's that? I can't hear you, because your too busy masturbating to gay porn again." Shadow said.

"Shut up dad! I hate you!" Tails cried.

"I am such a failure as a father… I must repent for my sins!" Shadow yelled. Shadow took out a knife…

"I thought that Shadow was chasing after Vector…" Big thought outloud.

"I have to become more famous than Sonic. Wow, he can't hate me any more now, can he?" said Tails. Tails ran away crying.

"Cream, you should go with him." Amy said to Cream.

"Tails! Wait up!" Cream yelled, chasing after Tails.

"Yeah, I should comfort Sonic, before he hangs himself with his Hawthorne Heights shirt." Amy said, running upstairs to Sonic's room.

_Cream and Tails_

Cream found Tails in a park somewhere, crying.

"Hey Tails, what's wrong." Cream asked.

"Eh… just really upset. Sonic is my best friend, but he hates me now because he never had anyone beat him before…" Tails said.

"Well, this is probably how he reacts at first, and once you start beating him at things he would most likely get used to it. He doesn't hate you, just kinda jealous." Cream explained.

"Thanks Cream…" Tails said as he hugged Cream.

"Wanna go watch Sonic and Amy have sex?" Cream asked.

"Hell yeah!" Tails said as they walked towards the apartment complex.

_Vector_

Vector turned around to see that no one was chasing him anymore.

"Woo! I got away! I'm gonna go watch Amy and Sonic have sex!" Vector said.

_Sonic and Amy_

"Sonic! Are you in there?" yelled Amy. Amy took out her sword and slashed Sonic's door down. She saw the blue guy lying on his bed, blood on the floor, a knife in his right hand, a letter in his other hand, and Hawthorne Heights was blasting on the radio. Amy ran to Sonic.

"Holy shit! Sonic!" Amy cried. The closet opened up and Sonic walked out. Sonic didn't speak until he said,

"Hey, I didn't know anybody still cared about me…" Sonic said depressingly.

"Sonic… Tails didn't mea-" Amy was cut off. Amy just stopped talking, unable to think of what to say to make him feel better. Then she wrapped her arms around Sonic's back, and kissed Sonic romantically.

"Come on! Do her already!" said Shadow.

"God damn it Shadow! Masturbating isn't cool anymore man! Stop doing it you douche!" yelled Tails.

"Why are we watching this?" Vector asked.

"I don't know. We have nothing else that's interesting to do, other than these ridiculous tasks. It's a break, so a porn concert is good enough as a break." Answered Tails.

Sonic pulled Amy onto the floor with him and he wrapped his arms around her. He started nibbling her bottom lip, then placed his tongue inside of her mouth. After a while, Sonic moved his face lower, and flicked the hardening nipple with his tongue back and fourth, as they got harder with every flick. Sonic finally backed away. He took out his throbbing member and Amy at first, kissed the head of it as she placed her hand on the bottom of it, jacking him off. Slowly, she placed her entire mouth over the tip of it. Her tongue was all over the head, making Sonic moan her name out, then she moved her tongue a little lower at a time. Rouge then bobbed her head up and down, while jacking him off with her hand. Sonic shot his magic into her mouth, and Amy gagged at first with the strong burst of liquid, but she slowly swallowed all of it. Sonic took his member back out of her mouth and he wrapped his arms around her body. Sonic then shifted his position, so that he was on top of her, his member just grazing her sex. Sonic then stuck his whole length into her sex slowly, then started thrusting her slow, but deep. Amy closed her eyes, and wrapped her legs around his hips while placing her arms around his neck. Amy then screamed Sonic's name, and Sonic knew he had found her spot, and continued to thrust that one particular area. Sonic pulled her body in closer, while kissing her, as he picked up the pace, thrusting her faster and faster. It was five full minutes of thrusting until Sonic pulled out and shot his magic all over Amy's body.

"Amy, you're so amazing…" Sonic said. Amy had tears in her eyes.

"Sonic! I love you!" Amy cried as she hugged him.

"Aww… that's so cute…" Cream and Rouge awwww'd at the same time.

"Holy shit! Shadow! You got all your man juices on me, you bastard!" yelled Vector.

"I thought Shadow didn't have a penis." said Tails. It literally started to smell like crap.

"Ahh… it smells like teen spirit…" Shadow sighed.

"EVERYBODY! RUN!" everybody in the closet yelled in unison. The closet opened and everybody jumped out the window. Shadow walked out the closet.

"Dude, Sonic. You rock! I got it all on tape!" Shadow said as he walked away with a gigantic smile on his face.

"God damn it!" yelled Amy and Sonic in unison, with Sonic still inside Amy. Amy just remembered that she forgot to close the door, and she was moaning like a girl on prom night. As a result, there were couples watching Sonic plow Amy, and there were camera men who taped the whole thing for MTV.

"Man, this couple will be famous…" said one of the camera men as he walked off.

_Shadow_

"Ok, so now all I have to do is get an account for Newgrounds, then upload the video from the C folder… This will be easier than taking candy from a baby, which is fine by me…" Shadow said. Shadow turned on his computer.

_Tails_

Tails was looking for Naruto Parodies on the internet from a dumb little web site called Newgrounds until he stumbled on a hardcore Amy and Sonic pornography video… on Newgrounds… what the hell?

"Damnit! I'll never become as famous as Sonic now!" yelled Tails. Tails kicked his computer off of the desk and started crying…


	9. Day 8: Tails vs Sonic

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Nine: Day 8_

_Tails_

'_I need to become more famous than Sonic… I would make a sex video with Cream, but that's illegal for 14 year olds and 12 year olds to put that kind of action on the internet. Maybe I should start a crappy pop rock emo band like New Found Glory? Nah, I can't sing or play guitar, and I bet we would suck more than Fall out Boy... Ew... Become an actor? Nah, I don't want any STDs yet... Maybe I should just fight him… YEAH!!!!!!!!!!! I'LL KICK HIS ASS!!!!!'_ Tails thought. Tails walked down to the lonely road, the only road that I have ever known. Don't know where it goes bu- Nah, he's just going to the Station Square Warehouse.

- - -

"Holy crap! Big! What happened to you?" Tails asked as he walked in. Big was literally as skinny as Ghandi. Big just collapsed right on the spot, gasping for air, like a fish out of water.

"WATER!!" Big begged while pointing his hand to the light.

"He'll be fine. I bet Big is just trying to get attention... Like all emo kids do..." Sonic said. Sonic looked over at Shadow, who had a camera, a video recorder, and a Panic! At the Disco/Fall Out Boy CD, and was staring at Sonic and Amy constantly.

"Come on, Sonic, pop her trunk, pop her trunk, pop her tru-" Shadow was interrupted.

"Shadow! Shut the hell up already! I'm not going to do her in public!" Sonic yelled.

"You're not? Aww man…" Amy said sadly.

"PLEASE HELP ME!" Big cried.

"Shadow, how do you masturbate if you have nothing to touch?" asked Knuckles. Everybody's eyes widened at the sick thought.

"You shall learn in time my dear friend…" Shadow said, while placing his hand on Knuckles shoulder.

"Ahh! Don't touch me with your masturbating hand!" Knuckles said as he jumped away.

"I CAN'T BREATHE!" Big yelled.

"Sonic, can you fight with me?" asked Tails.

"God damn it Tails! You humiliated me enough already!" Sonic yelled.

"No, it's really just my task." said Tails.

"Fine, what ever, you cheeky bastard!" yelled Sonic. Sonic walked away angrily. Everybody took their own cards and walked away.

"AHH!! I SEE A LIGHT!!" Big said before he died.

- - -

_Amy_

'_I have to find something new to wear. Well, I guess I should considering I have been wearing this same dress and boots since I was in 2nd grade.'_ Amy walked to a clothing store called, Station Square: Hot Topic clothing store. She bought some "unique" and "insanely erotic" clothing and purchased them.

_Knuckles_

'_I have to learn how to do everything I can do now, but without my oversized punching gloves.'_ Knuckles thought, _'How the hell am I able to fly though?'_

**Flashback of Knuckles' Life**

One sunny day, in Angel Island, a small little echidna was walking down the road. The poor little echidna's life changed before it's little enchidna eyes when and overweight, middle aged, egg shaped man poured red paint on the echidna.

"Holy crap! I'm red and I'm super strong! I can fly and dig and swim, and I have dread locks! I have huge gigantic meaty knuckle spike glove things! I think I'll call myself Knuckles the Enchidna from now on. Holy crap! It's Eggman, I must stop him! And it's a blue hedgehog! I must stop them both from stealing my family jewels!" Knuckles said. Knuckles flew away to steal the emeralds from Sonic and ended up killing Eggman… which doesn't explain the reason for OVER NINETHOUSAND sequals...

**Flashback of Knuckles' life over**

"God damnit! That doesn't answer my question of how I can fly at all! That just showed me how I got a crappy, poorly thought of name and how I became cool!" Knuckles yelled. Knuckles removed his gloves and walked to the top of the tallest building to attempt to fly. He jumped off the building.

- - -

A few hours later, everybody went to the fast food place, except for Amy and Big. I think Big died, so I don't have to write about him anymore! Woo!! Party in my pants!!!

"Knuckles! What happened to you?" asked Cream in a slightly lower, American voice.

"I broke my nails trying to dig on concrete, broke my legs trying to fly off of buildings, broke my shoulders while trying to climb on cliffs, and broke my heart listening to Hawthorne Heights – Saying Sorry." Knuckles said.

"How long are you going to have those casts on?" asked Rouge.

"Nah, I was kidding! I didn't break anything, I just wanted to get you losers worried." said Knuckles. Knuckles took off all of his casts and braces.

"I'm not THAT much of a loser…" Shadow cried while looking down, twiddling his fingers.

"Yes you are. Go watch Star Trek on Youtube and play Dungeons and Dragons Online you faggot." Knuckles said... as he put on his school jock jacket.

"Shut up you jock! You have no where to go after high school, cause you know why? Cause u r dumb!" Shadow said as he put on glasses and... uh... a sweater vest?. Knuckles walked over to Shadow, grabbed his underwear, and hung them on a hook…

"Nerd…" Knuckles said as he walked off.

"Oh yeah? I'm going to be your boss one day!" Shadow screamed.

"Who wants to TP Shadow's house?" Knuckles said. Vector, Espio, Tails, and Cream raised their hands.

"Let's go!" Vector said as Vector, Espio, Tails and Cream ran off.

"...I wasn't being serious..." Knuckles said.

"Mommy!!!" Shadow cried.

Amy walked in wearing just straps and chains. Everybody in the restaurant was looking at her, mentally undressing her… or what's left of her clothing…

"Sonic! Stop touching yourself!" yelled Knuckles.

"Hey Amy, I need to go to the bathroom." Sonic blurted out. Sonic ran to Amy, picked her up, and ran to the bathroom with her. There were now loud moans that can be heard.

"OH GOD SONIC! THAT'S IT!" Amy could be heard from the bathroom.

"Damn it! I'm missing all of it! Chaos Control!" yelled Shadow as he still flailed on the wall. Shadow disappeared.

"So... we're all alone now..." Knuckles said.

"Wanna go watch a movie?" Rouge asked.

"What?"

"Backdoor Sluts 6. I got the clothing and everything..." Rouge said.

"Alright!" Knuckles said as he and Rouge walked away... to watch porn, while Sonic and Amy stayed in the bathroom cleaning for two more hours.

- - -

_Tails and Sonic_

Tails and Sonic met in the Station Square beach at night, where they were surrounded by friends, the news crew, and the deformed white guy that Shadow pwned in Chapter 2 or 3. I forgot which, but you should remember him. Later on, he's going to be really important to this story… When Sonic and Knuckles dies, he's going to becom- oops, said too much…

"Good luck!" said Sonic nervously.

"Ok, ready… Fight!" yelled Espio.

Sonic turned into his super form, and Tails transformed into his demonic form. They flew into the air and started going all out. All the people can see is lights flashing up above, and all they can hear is the thunder of guns. What really was going on is that Demon Tails was kicking the crap out of Super Sonic in ultimate DBZ-like crap super speed action that DBZ did due to their laziness. They both jumped back in the air.

"Chaos Control!" Sonic teleported to ground level, "Octobeam!" Eight lasers shot simultaneously at Demon Tails.

"Panic Disk!" Demon Tails yelled. A purple disk appeared in front of Tails and spun towards Sonic. It was strong enough to cancel out the all the Octobeam lasers, and the disk hit Sonic's leg. Tails then kicked Sonic's chest, and he flew backwards and landed on the concrete, bleeding. Sonic stood back up, and charged up a Chidori. He charged towards Tails, but Tails charged Sonic with a Rasengan. Sonic flew back, and landed in the water. He turned back into normal Sonic, knocked out. The deformed white guy in an overcoat walked over to the downed Sonic and attempted to pick him up.

"CHAOS RECTUM!" yelled Shadow. The man blew up into pieces.

"God damnit, not again!" Tails yelled. Demon Tails turned back to normal Tails and ran away, crying.

"God damnit! I died again!" cried the white man.

"Tails!" Cream yelled. Cream attempted to run for Tails, but Espio stopped her.

"Leave him be. He's just going through his angsty, teenaged, depression stage." Espio said coolly.

"What the crap are you smoking?" said Cream angrily. Cream pushed Espio away and chased after Tails. Everybody departed, and Amy carried Sonic home.


	10. Day 9: FFFFFFuuuuuucccccckkkkkk

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Ten: Day 9_

_Amy and Shadow_

"Argh!" Amy yawned. She felt something furry in her bed, under the sheets with her, "Sonic?"

Amy took the blanket off of her bed and saw it was Shadow, who was clinging on against her leg like a koala does to a tree, like Paris Hilton does to long and erect wieners.

"Eeeek!" yelled Amy. She ran out of her bed and noticed she was NOT wet and naked. In fact, she was fully clothed and completely dry. Shadow woke up upon her scream into his ears.

"Hello there Amy!" said Shadow happily.

"What were you doing sleeping in my bed?" asked Amy.

"Well, whenever I have nightmares, I normally go to my mommy, the Black Doom alien guy. Since I had to kill him to save the world from a giant meteor in that crappy game called 'Shadow the Hedgehog', I don't have a mommy to cry to anymore." cried Shadow.

"So why did you pick me out of all the girls here? Why not Rouge, Cream, Blaze, or that new bitchy bird bitch moving in called Wave?" asked Amy.

"Rouge is too sexually attractive to be a mom, Cream is too young and white to be a mom, Blaze is a freaking cat and is in a dysfunctional relationship with Big, Wave is too gangster to be a mom with her bandana look going on. And besides, you thought that dumb robot called Emerl was your baby, so why can't I be your baby?" answered Shadow.

"Well… Emerl and I had 'special' relations. Well, out of curiosity, what was your dream about?" asked Amy playing along with Shadow's sensitive heart. Amy sat on the bed with Shadow.

"When I was in elementary school, these kids kept beating me up for being black, short, hairy, and having weird hedgehog hair. When I found out I was the ultimate life form, I killed them all and put their head on pikes and put the pikes on my front lawn as a fence. I had a nightmare where I never found out I was the ultimate life form, and in elementary school again." Shadow almost cried, "EVERYBODY MADE FUN OF ME AND CALLED ME FAT AND BALD!!" Shadow paused, "THIS PAIN I FEEL IS TOO UNBEARABLE!!!" Shadow jumped out the window to kill himself. Unlike before, he actually died. Yeah, they'll believe that a main character died… yeah…

"Double you tea eff is wrong with this story..?" asked Amy, dumbfounded, "I'm gonna see what's up with Sonic…" Amy walked to Sonic's part of the apartment.

_Big_

Big woke up back at the Warehouse, except it was whiter and brighter than before… allegedly…

"Ahh… what the hell? Didn't I die last chapter?" Big asked.

"No, you're in heaven right now. If you defeat me, I'll give you your life back and you can live again." Said some fat Italian man wearing a dumb red hat with blue overalls. Basically, it's Mario. You know, the plumber? In Nintendo? Dumb ass…

"What? In a fist fight or something?" Big asked.

"No, in a chess match."

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK……………………………………………………………" Big said.

**- - -**

Every non important character in this story met at the bulletin board, meaning Sonic, Amy, Big, Shadow, and Tails were not there.

"I feel so bad for Sonic and Tails…" said Cream. Everybody was still getting used to her lower pitched, American voice actor.

"Same, Sonic must be so embarrassed and Tails must feel so guilty…" Rouge added.

"I should comfort Tails!" Cream said as she walked away.

"Why is Cream talking in English? We all know that American voice actors suck." Vector whispered to Knuckles.

"She's growing up so fast!" Knuckles began to cry.

"Maybe she went through American puberty…" Espio noted.

"My task is to actually learn how to fly instead of gliding… I just realized, why can't I fly at all? Damn, I sense a flash back." warned Rouge.

**Rouge's Flashback**

None.

**Flashback over**

"Damn it!" Rouge said as she kicked the sky.

"Ouch."

"I have to become a crazy insane guitarist!" Espio as he ran off into the unknown.

"I have to learn how to sing." said Vector. Everybody was also getting used to his British voice actor too.

"Noooooo! I have to set free Cheese and Chocola." People heard Cream yell from Tail's apartment.

Everybody departed to complete their tasks and comfort the broken hearted.

- - -

_Espio_

Espio was sitting on his bed with a crappy Yamaha lead guitar he bought from Costco. It literally is a huge piece of crap. The strings are all rusty and out of tune, the pick guard has scratching marks that say, "Pen15, lolololol" and "Go to dent marks on the body, a shattered neck, and it costs $50. Espio had a piece of paper with guitar tablature in front of him, and he was playing what sounded like a cracked out version of Brain Stew by Green Day. The only noticeable difference is that Espio sucks a little bit more than BJ Armstrong… Lol… His initials are BJ and I said suck… lol… That makes me giggle…

"HELL YEAH! I'M OWNING THIS DAMN GUITAR!" yelled Espio as he smashed his guitar at the ground, cracking it in half as he starts stabbing his really small, lunch-box shaped amp with the neck while he was naked. Just then Kurt Cobain rose from the dead and threw a rock at his not rock and roll face.

"You freaking suck at guitar worse than I do!" yelled Kurt.

"Big woop, wanna fight about it? I challenge you to a guitar-off!" said Espio. Espio spun around several times, and then threw a Pokeball into the air, "I choose you, Green Day!"

"Pshhhh… You newb… I choose you, Guns and Roses!" yelled Kurt, "Guns and Roses, use Knocking on Heavens Door!" That basically ripped Green Day in half. Just then, Green Day was evolving into Fall out Boy.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk… I'm so skrewd with a K…" kried Espio.

_Cream_

"Cheese, Chocola, I want to let you guys know that I love you… I'm gonna miss you guys when you're gone…" Cream said sadly. Cream started to kiss them… on the lips… passionately… with tongue action… for 30 minutes straight… in the bathroom… with the lights out… in the shower… while they were naked… and horny… like my last girlfriend… And when she finally finished, from the insanely hot Cream on Chao action, Cream placed them in the toilet and flushed them down the crapper. That was the last we've seen of those generic Chaos called REAL Sonic characters again…

_Espio_

Fall out Boy flew backwards, unconscious.

"WE'RE GOING DOWN DOWN SWINGING!" Fall Out Boy cried.

"Noooo! Fall out Boy!" yelled Espio. Espio ran to his downed Pokemon.

"You need to give me my Rock Badge now…" Kurt said as he with drew his Pokemon.

"I'm not a gym leader… I'm a Pokemon breeder though… So just take an egg!" Espio said as he handed his Palkia egg to Kurt

"Well… that was a huge waste of my undead life…" Kurt complained as he walked off to the end of the Earth.

"That was a pointless plot device to make the story even remotely humorous…" said Espio.

_Vector_

"'Cause I… can't… help… falling in love with you…" Vector ended the song. Vector was in a bar with a karaoke machine. A huge rock hit Vector's left testic- I mean left side of his brain.

"You suck, go die you damn hippie!" yelled some drunk heterosexual person.

"That's so mean!" yelled Vector crying. Vector ran away.

_Kurt Cobain_

Kurt walked up to Vector, who was crying his eyes out sitting on the curb.

"Hey there little boy, what's wrong?" Kurt asked as he sat down next to him.

"A heterosexual drunk male, about the age of 25, with ideal body proportions, long blonde hair, blue eyes, size 13 feet, and shops at Hot Topic excessively, threw a rock at me for singing badly! I wanna be a singer when I grow up too, so it broke my heart and the left side of my brain!" Vector sobbed.

"Well, I can help you sing…" Kurt said.

_Big_

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk………………………………………………………" Mario said.

"Damn, I won! I was so not expecting that at all! I'm going to be alive again!" Big said being the happy skinny cat he is.

"Damn it! Fine…" Mario said as he snapped his fingers and Big appeared on his bed in his apartment room.

"Wooo! I'm alive!" Big said, "I didn't realize that Mario was mentally retarded…"

_While back in heaven…_

"It sucks to be the only person accepted in heaven… I'd expect more people to be accepted into heaven… I guess I'm the only pure soul in the end of the world… I'm so lonely…" Mario sighed as Akon's 'Lonely' song started playing.

_Amy_

'_Ok, gotta find clothing that doesn't seem that I like bondage so that those pale gothic kids won't follow me around.'_ Amy thought. Amy walked into a Hot Topic store.

When Amy was done, 4 hours and $509.34 later, she came out with some stupid emo band shirt, that said, "Cut my wrists and black my eyes" on it, a black mini skirt, and fish nets. She got her hair cut into an emo unibang, and she got both ears pierced with mini blue guitar ear rings with her pussy wrist bands and stupid studded belt that she wears backwards. Kind of like the girl I dated when I started this story. Grrrrrr… freaking liars…

_Shadow_

Shadow woke up in a warehouse, except whiter and brighter! Colgate!

"Yay! I'm not alone here anymore!" Mario said as he started hugging Shadow.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK……………………" Shadow said, "How did I get accepted in heaven if I commit suicide?"

_Somewhere below the ends of the Earth…_

"Sir, Shadow the Hedgehog is in heaven and was supposed to be in hell sir…" Peter Griffin said.

"GOD DAMN IT!!!" the devil cried as he threw his Nintendo DS on the floor while kicking the air…

"Ouch!"


	11. Day 10: Saying Sorry

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Eleven: Day 10_

_Sonic_

Sonic was lying on his bed with the TV on, switching channels due to lack of anything better to do with his time.

"Buy Tails Adventure: DX now! It has mad fast, intense, speed levels, and a hidden Hot Coffee mod that Jack Thompson can't find! So crappy pixilated sex for all you losers!!!" said a TV ad. Sonic furiously changed the channel.

"We're now back, to Tailsemon, Joto League Challenge! Who's that Pokemon? George W. Bush!" said another channel. Sonic blindly changed the channel again.

"Here's Fall Out Boy's new dumb and pointless music video of them trying to be hardcore with their spinny things and vampire poserness, 'It's Not Homosexuality if We Fantasize About Tails the Male Sex Fox!'" Sonic changed the channel again.

"We're back to… The Simple Life with Paris Hilton… One of the biggest sluts in history… forever… and ever…" Sonic disgustedly changed the channel.

"Just got a girlfriend? Then use Four Tails! It is guaranteed to make your "tail" four inches longer! Call 1800-Suckmytail! I repeat! Call 1800-Suckmytail NOW for this limited edition sponge!" Sonic threw his TV out the apartment window.

"I hate my life!" yelled Sonic angrily. He heard somebody yell out from outside the window. Sonic then just walked away, to the Station Square Restaurant.

_Kurt Cobain_

Kurt was walking down the road, looking for inspiration for his new CD called, "Dear Diary, I Cut My Wrists Again", until a TV fell from nowhere and landed on his right arm. Since it is stereotypical for undead people to be slow, fragile, and dumb, his right arm fell off.

"Nooooooooo! I can't play guitar anymore!!!" cried Kurt. Kurt later wrote a song bout how he can't play guitar anymore and became famous in an emo band that sang about teen spirit's fetid stench. Kurt then changed his name to Sonny and changed the band name to From First to Last, but Kurt was kicked out a day later because emo bands are like that… like Amy Lee… bitch…

_Shadow_

"AHHHH!!! WHY'D I GET STUCK IN HEAVEN WITH A MENTALLY RETARDED NINTENDO FRANCHISE CHARACTER!?!?!?" Shadow asked as he ran away.

"BEEEEEEEEEE MYYYYYYYYY FFFFFFFFRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNDDDDDDD!!!!!" Mario screamed as he tried to hug Shadow… WITH HIS VICE GRIPS OF DEATH!!!

Shadow ran fast, turning left, then a right around corners, then he ran into the forest. He was covered in mud, and was bleeding very little.

"Wait… what the hell am I doing? I could Chaos Control!" Shadow said as he teleported away into Station Square.

"SSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Mario cried.

_Somewhere below the Earth_

"Uh… sir? Mario is going crazy…" a new secretary said to the demon overlord thing.

"Heh… it's funny to watch…" the Overlord said.

- - -

Sonic and Big didn't appear at the apartment to pick up their tasks. Tails was in the corner crying, while ripping up the shirt to his Hawthorne Heights T-Shirt, and Knuckles and Rouge were in another corner, groping each other... sexually… until Rouge orgasmed the third time… in 10 minutes… wow... Vector was singing "What is Love?" really crapily, to practice his high pitched notes, and Espio was holding his guitar, smoking, grew an afro, and had a top hat, and wore a rain coat. Not really, but he did have guitar in his hands.

"Why is Big never here?" asked Cream.

_Somewhere in an apartment in Station Square_

"Look, Blaze, I'm so sorry about the abortion! I never wanted for it to end up like this!" yelled Big as he backed up.

"Oh Big, how can you be so blind?! It was a miscarriage, a damn miscarriage!" yelled Blaze angrily.

"I'm sorry! We'll have another one, I promise!" Big lied as his back pinned up on the wall, "Damn..."

"So we can kill it again? I hate you Big! Get out of my life!" Blaze picked up Big's skinny body and threw him out the window.

"It didn't have to be like this!" Big cried loudly as he fell head first into the ground, "Why!?!?!?!" Big crawled to an alleyway and crawled in to a cardboard box to live his live as a vagabond.

_Back to reality…_

"Oh, that's why…" Cream said dumbfounded and heartbroken. Sonic walked into the room sullenly. He looked at his task and it stated 'Learn to fight with fists and feet'.

Tails and Sonic never looked at each other while they were in the same room. As soon as Sonic got his, card he left into the forest. Amy walked to see her next task, and it said, 'Break Shadow's heart'

"My task is to learn to fight… damn it, I can't fight without my chao! And I had sex and killed them last chapter! So I'm screwed!!" cursed Cream. Rouge walked to the board and her task told her to, 'Turn super mode.' Everybody walked out of the building.

- - -

_Amy and Shadow_

"Uhh… Hey Shadow!" blurted Amy.

"Yes?" asked Shadow.

"I'm sorry to tell you this but…" Amy hesitated, "I'm not your mom, and I think you're fat and ugly. Like most of the kids in the author's school."

"Nooooooooo!" cried Shadow, "Mommy! Why do you keep breaking my heart Amy!?!?" Shadow fell into the fetal position, sucking his thumb.

'_Wow, breaking his heart was a lot easier than I thought…_' thought Amy as she walked away, _'I should do it more often some time later on this week, it's bloody hilarious!'_. Amy left Shadow alone in the park to cry.

_Rouge and Knuckles_

Rouge broke away from Knuckles' grasp.

"You've been in super mode right?" asked Rogue.

"Yeah, I have in Sonic and Knuckles 3 and Sonic Heroes. Why'd you ask?" asked Knuckles.

"I need to turn super for a task." said Rouge. Knuckles pulled out a chaos emerald from his pants and slowly handed it to Rouge.

"Now, what I will teach you to do, I need you to promise me: With great power comes great responsibility..." Knuckles said before he stood up.

_Cream and Sonic_

Cream was walking down a park, looking for a place to train. She saw Sonic in the Station Square Forest, punching and kicking trees.

"Excuse me." said Cream shyly.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" asked Sonic.

"I need you to teach me how to fight." said Cream.

"Well, I can't teach you how to fight, but we can try fighting together, I guess…" Sonic said boringly. Just then Cream punched Sonic in the face.

"I win!!" Cream cried.

- - -

Everybody met at the restaurant except for Big who is most likely still in the alleyway.

_Across from the Station Square Ultimate Restaurant_

"Don't you dare try hiding from me, you bastard! You still never apologized to me you no good, lazy assed, husband of mine!" yelled Blaze while chasing Big with a flyswatter.

"I apologized already! You sick, cruel, animal abuser!" yelled Big while still running.

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!?!?!? YOU'RE SO DEAD!!!!" yelled Blaze. Blaze put away the flyswatter and pulled out a can of Mountain Dew from seemingly inside her pants and used it as an improvisional weapon… OF DEATH.

'_God damn it, I hate my life…'_ thought Big as he sprinted for his dear life.

_Back to the restaurant…_

Shadow was in the far end of the table, staring at a piece of celery.

"I must lose weight… Amy called me fat… can't eat… man I'm so emo…" Shadow said. Shadow started breaking down in tears while nibbling ever so slightly on the celery stick... OF FAT!!! "I FEEL SO FAT!!!"

"You must be strong Shadow, this is for Maria, remember?" said Espio. Espio placed his hand on Shadow's shoulder, trying to consol him, but that made Shadow cry even more because of his loserish-ness. Sonic, Amy, and Cream were all eating together, talking about their personal sex lives.

"So… how's Tails?" asked Sonic.

"He's hung like a mutant, enormous, sex horse." Cream answered while blushing slightly, "How's Sonic?"

"Well, he IS the fastest thing alive, freaking pumping at the speed of sound…" Amy answered, "Sonic, how is Amy?

"Wait, what? I wasn't paying attention… Too busy masturbating at this really erotic conversation." Sonic said. Amy slapped him and dragged him to the bathroom where animal loving was going on.

"OOOOO! SONIC! CLEAN ME HARDER!!!" Amy moaned from the bathroom.

Knuckles, Rouge, and Tails were sitting together at a table.

'_Maybe I should play a game of footsies with Rouge…'_ Knuckles thought. He started feeling up her leg with his adventurous foot.

Tails felt a foot moving up and down his leg. He tried kicking is away, but he couldn't fend the intruding leg off. The foot rose higher to Tails' thigh and Tails started to panic. The leg closed in on his groin and Tails blurted out,

"Guys, I gotta go do something!" Tails ran away.

"Where the hell did he get that third leg?" asked Knuckles.

"I don't think that was his leg…" said Rouge.

"Oh…em…gee…" said Knuckles with a hint of lemon in his eyes.

"That's freaking huge!" stated Espio, "Cream must be so lucky getting penetrated by that huge thing!" Everybody looked at Espio.

"Espio, just admit you're gay!" Vector yelled.

"God damn it, I'm not gay! Asians can't be gay!" Espio yelled.

"Oh… Then we believe you!" everybody said in unison as they dismissed the ever so true statement.

The team split up to finish off their tasks.

- - -

_Tails_

"I know what I should do! I should write an emo song about saying sorry to Sonic! He'll forgive me!" said Tails. Tails got to work and in four hours he was done writing it. His song came out like this:

_Saying sorry we're falling apart  
wish we knew this from the start  
Saying goodbye's the hardest part  
Wish we knew this from the start _

_Saying goodbye this time, the same old story  
Seeing you cry, makes me feel like saying sorry_

"God damn it! It took me four hours to copy a Hawthorne Heights song?" Tails cried as he threw the papers into the ground and kicked the air.

"Ouch!"


	12. Day 11: Shadow's First Time

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Twelve: Day 11_

_Tails_

"Hopefully this song I wrote will make Sonic forgive me." Tails prayed. Tails walked to the nearest post office and dropped the letter in.

_Sonic_

"I got mail!" Sonic said. He hopped out of his shower in the nude, walked to the door, and opened up the letter. It was a letter stating he won 5 million dollars!

"Hell yeah!" Sonic said. He opened up another letter. It was his hardcore/lesbian/interracial/gangbang/barely teen/upside down/hedgehog/catholic porn magazine.

"Hell yeah!" Sonic said. He opened up another letter. It was his bills and taxes that he had to pay for whatever grown ups had to pay for... freaking old people...

"Hell yeah!" Sonic said. He opened up another letter. It was a song apologizing from Tails.

"Hell no!" Sonic said as he read it very thoroughly. Sonic caught on and he knew that it was a complete copy of a song Sonic listened to when he cried himself to sleep while blacking his wrists and cutting his eyes. Sonic walked over to Tails' apartment room and knocked on the door.

_Tails_

Tails walked to the door and opened it up to see it was Sonic.

"Soni-" Tails was interrupted. Tails got punched in the face by Sonic.

"Next time you apologize by writing a song, do not copy my favorite song from Hawthorne Heights you American bastard!" Sonic yelled. Sonic stormed back downstairs to the Station Square Warehouse to get high off of information.

_Espio, Knuckles, and Vector_

Knuckles walked up to Espio and Vector's apartment room holding up a box full of hidden miscellaneous items. Knuckles knocked and Espio opened the door, with Vector in the back of the room.

"Hey Espio! Hey Vector! Do you want to watch Broke Back Mountain with me?" Knuckles asked. Espio's eyes lit up.

"HELL YES!!! MY FREAKING FAVORITE MOVIE IN THE WORLD!!!" Espio yelled. They all watched it, and at the sex scene, if Broke Back Mountain does have one, Espio got hot, Vector got disgusted, and Knuckles got confused.

- - -

Everybody was in the Warehouse this time, hell, even Big was there for once in the past 10 chapters... that slacker... Big took his task card and read it out loud.

"Climb a tree with no branches, like a normal cat." Big said. Tears rushed down Big's eyes and he ran away, to ease his troubled mind. Knuckles started to chase him because Knuckles still thinks they are playing tag and he was it. Amy got her card out and it said to 'beat four of your friends in a fight'. Shadow walked up to the board and looked at his card.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Shadow yelled in a Luke Skywalker wannabe manner.

"What do you have to do there emo kid?" asked Sonic as he tried to look at Shadow's card. A tear rolled down Shadow's eyes.

"I have to…" Shadow hesitated for literally ten minutes, and then whispered, "get a girlfriend…" Everybody laughed at Shadow for a while, 'cause it was funny, then laughed at Tails, because he had a 14 inch ERECTION again, then laughed at Shadow again because he then killed himself. Nah, I can't kill him… Shadow took it like a man, and did not run away to cry himself to sleep this time. Still, he took being made fun of like a real dateless loser would, and that takes a lot of emo skill… The team separated to do their dumb little tasks.

- - -

_Amy_

"This is my last task. I have to fight my friends… I know I can kick Big's ass and Cream's ass because they are the worst Sonic characters in the more recent gen consol games…" Amy said. She thought for 2 hours and she had a plan. Amy walked to Burger King and talked to an obese ten year old.

"Hey, do you want to be my friend?" asked Amy.

"Sure! Mommy! I made a friend!" said the kid happily, as he lifted his Triple Whopper Junior Deluxe Quarter Pounder Chicken Bacon Cheeseburger with extra double cheddar cheese: hold the pickles and the mayonnaise, in the air. Just then Amy kicked him in the genital area, which caused his eyes to tear.

"My mom does that to me too… WHY DOES NOBODY LIKE FAT PEOPLE!?!?! IT'S A PROBLEM I CAN'T CONTROL!!!!" the fat ass cried while holding his painful… no-no area…

"One down, three more friends to fight!" said Amy. She walked over to another fat kid in the food restaurant.

"Hey, do you want to be my friend?"

"Yeah!"

_Kick!_

"Ouch!"

"Seriously, where does that random 'Ouch!' come from?" Amy asked as she kicked the air.

"Ouch!"

_Kick!_

"Ouch!"

_Big_

Big looked up at the 100 foot tree. He removed his fishing gloves, said his Jewish prayers, and let his nails out and started to climb.

_Tails_

"Erection."

- - -

The team met at the restaurant. Big was covered in bandages, casts, and looked like a mummy.

"Big, what happened to you?" asked Cream.

"I fell off a 100 foot tree, Blaze was chasing me with a paper fan, that unlucky Indian guy kicked me in the balls for killing his dog and being a 'White Devil', the deformed white guy slapped my ass, and Knuckles wanted to play tackle tag again, and he was it. Oh yeah, and this heroine addict, Kurt Cobain called Courtney Love, shot me in the mouth with a shotgun, kinda like how he died." Big answered.

"Oh my Shiva…" Espio said.

"Holy crap! Big! Are you alright?" asked Vector.

"Of course! The doctor said it will clear up in a few minutes." Big said. Shadow was walking around the restaurant. Shadow first stopped at an 8 year old girl.

"Hola, senorita bonita. Quieres estar mi novia?" Shadow said in a deep Spanish accent.

"Tu no tiene pene y no me gusto burros" She answered before she slapped him in the face and summoned her giant dog on him, but Shadow walked on with the determination of the little train that could! Shadow stopped at a red, curly haired, middle aged, overweight, Italian, lonely, mole-faced woman with cats sitting on her shoulders. And she had mad body odor too, with no deodorant.

"Hey, I'm Michael, do you want to be my girlfriend?" asked Shadow. The woman pulled out pepper spray out of her curly, unkempt hair and sprayed it at Shadow's eyeballs.

"That doesn't work on me because everybody I asked that to did that to me. I think I'm blind now, but I can't tell anymore, but it's worth it. So indirectly and hypothetically, I sort of built an immunity." Shadow explained. The cat woman pulled out a metal bat from her pants and started whacking Shadow in the head with it.

"The people I asked also did that to me, so I built an immunity towards that too, along with pepper spray." Shadow said. She started kicking Shadow square in the balls about five consecutive times.

"It doesn't affect enemy Shadow with the LEVITATE ability." Shadow said in a Pokemon announcer voice. The woman then threw Shadow out the 2 story window.

"Ow! I'm only semi immune to that." Shadow said. Just then a meteor was aiming straight for Shadow.

"Ok, I'm not immune to that… yet… but I can try." Shadow said as he lay on the cold concrete. The team separated after lunch.

- - -

_Big_

"Damn it!" yelled Big. He pulled out a circular device from out of his pants, "My Blaze Radar is tingling! That means she's coming at me with a non lethal item… OF DEATH!" Big looked back and saw Blaze rush for him with a keyboard. Big ran up the 100 foot tree and stayed stranded up there.

"Big! God damn it, he's stuck up there." Blaze yelled, "Help! My cat is stuck on a tree!"

_Shadow and Wave_

Wave was walking down the streets of the new town she moved into and saw a strange black figure sprawled all along the floor. She ran towards it and noticed it was Shadow the (EMO) Hedgehog.

"Hey Shadow! Are you alright?" asked Wave, shaking Shadow's body.

"Yeah." Shadow said. Shadow tried to stand up, but Wave picked him up.

"What happened?" asked Wave.

"I don't exactly remember. I think I'm blind now though, and I got rejected by a Spanish girl and a woman with red, curly hair, was middle aged, overweight, Italian, lonely, mole-faced, with cats sitting on her shoulders. And she had mad body odor too, with no deodorant..." Shadow sadly said.

"Aww…" Wave cried, giving Shadow a chaste hug.

"Hey Wave! Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

"Sure… I guess…" said Wave shyly as she blushed.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

Knuckles and Rouge were walking down the apartment's hallway. As they walked toward Shadow's room they heard something.

"OMG WAVE! YOU ARE PICKING UP TURBULENCE IN MY PANTS!" Shadow yelled.

"SHADOW! YOU'RE PULLING OFF AN X TRICK IN MY PANTS!" yelled Wave.

Rouge and Knuckles were staring at each other, and then peaked through the door.

"Hey, Rouge. Do you want to play Sonic Riders with me?" asked Knuckles.

"Finally!" Rouge said excitedly. Rouge took off her clothes and started riding Knuckles' automatically hard turbulence.

_Wave_

Wave lay in bed, half awake and half asleep, and half naked baby!

"How the hell was I able to lose my virginity to a man who has no penis?" asked Wave. Tom Cruise crawled out of the bed sheets.

"Just ask my wife, she's been through the experience with me before…" Tom Cruise said as he walked away.


	13. Day 12: Knuckles vs Shadow

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter Thirteen: Day 12_

_Big_

The firemen came, just as Blaze requested. Big was still holding on to the tree, and Blaze stood at the bottom, staring up. She was holding the arms of a police man for comfort, hoping that her dear Big was getting down safely, and was waiting for Big to get down from the tree very patiently. The ladder was nearing Big ever so slowly, and it seemed like the world ceased time just for this tragedy. In one hour, the ladder reached Big, and Big placed his hands on the rail. The news channels 4, 11, and 77 were witnessing the tragic event up in the helicopters, recording this into their books of new and old tragedies. Big slowly placed one foot on the bar of the ladder, then another one on the same bar, and tried to secure himself on it. When everything seemed safe, when everything seemed picture perfect, the ladder crept back downward, but due to a sick twist of fate and a curse that befell upon himself, the ladder malfunctioned and bent in half. Big screamed as he falls face first to the ground. A large thud can be heard, and in Blaze's eyes, the crash goes through slow motion as Big falls through what seems like a brooding abyss. Blaze rushed to his side, held his hands. With one final breath, and his one last organized thought, he whispered into Blaze's soft and tender ear the words,

"I…love…you…" Big's hand dropped, his eyes closed, his heart stopped, and everybody was tearing and dieing profusely on the inside. Big was dead and gone from this hell we name Earth. No longer shall pieces of his dieing existence linger, and now, the darkness engulfed the dieing plain of this eternity with the malevolent shadows and the sick symphonies that orchestrate during the maritime-like hours of darkness. Evil shall have his way, and there is nothing, absolutely nothing in this universe that mortals could do to cease this tragedy from inevitably happening. Death has won this battle, and nothing can be helped, and nothing ever will…

Not really, just kidding. You just wasted 30 seconds of your life reading that and 2 minutes trying to understand that entire paragraph.

Big actually got down safe and sound from the ladder, minus the crazy un-needed detail and un-needed angst, poetry, and gothic-ness, and Blaze started chasing him. Just then the police came and whacked Blaze with their gay butt-prodding rods.

"You are under arrest for animal abuse!" said one cop.

"He's not my cat! He's my husband!" yelled Blaze.

"That lucky cat…" said the white guy who was assumed dead in Chapter 9 with a dirty, perverted smile.

"You got married with your cat? Yeah, you are coming with us, NOW!" said the police man. They first started prodding her with their butt-prodding rods, then the police men dragged Blaze into his car, and he drove away. Big started twitching uncontrollably.

"WOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!" Big yelled all of a sudden. Big started break dancing.

- - -

The whole team met at the apartment. Amy was throwing a tantrum in front of the board.

"Amy! Calm down!" yelled Sonic, "What happened?"

"Nothing…" Amy walked away sadly, _'Damn, I thought that I completed my tasks… I actually have to fight people…'_

"My next task is to give up fishing and take up a new hobby…" Big said. Big stood still for 30 minutes, thinking. Then he yelled, "I'm going to be a drummer!" Kurt Cobain walked in.

"Great, I need a drummer for a new side project band I'm making. You're in." said Kurt. Shadow snuck up behind Kurt and knifed him in the back.

"TERRORISTS WIN" Shadow said.

"Terrorists? GET TO ZE CHOPPA!" Cried Sonic, as he jumped out the window and hid somewhere… Knuckles took his card and it read,

"Stay in Super mode for five days. Damn, I hate this form…" Knuckles whined. Knuckles jumped in the air, spun around several times, then transformed. His skin color turned into pink, his dread locks slightly lifted upward, and he grew fangs. Everybody gathered around him, and started rubbing him.

"Knuckles! You're soooo freaking pretty!" said Cream.

"You look like a male version of me!" Amy said.

"My, my, my… I do say that pink is rather your color mate. Well then, tally ho!" Vector said in a stereotypical British voice as he hopped on to his Model T car and drove off to have tea and crimpits.

"Knuckles, you make me feel so hot inside…" Espio said as he was rubbing Knuckle's fur. Everybody stared at Espio in a weird way, "I'm not gay! Ninjas aren't gay!"

"He's right…" Everybody said, dismissing the fact that he's not gay.

"You're wearing pink! That must mean you're in the Bloods!" Shadow yelled, "I KILL YOU!" Shadow pulled out a gun and started shooting at Knuckles, but Shadow missed because he was shooting all gangsta style yo, an dat shi fo real son. Knuckles flew to Rouge, grabbed her hand, and teleported away.

"I'll get you next time you Blood…" Shadow walked away into a low rider car with a couple of African Americans wearing blue shirts and Calvin Klein jeans.

_Shadow_

"Yo, here's da planz homez, we atta bust a cap on Knux's azz, ja hurr?" Shadow said.

"But whatz da plan manj?" a Krypt member said.

"What if da po po showz?" another one said.

"Ya, we'd get oor azz bust ba them, forizzle?" another illiterate gang member said.

"Ayeght, I got mah planz homez." Shadow said.

"Enlighten us with your ever-so-brilliant plan, my African American gang member! I shall comply with your every command!" said Vector.

"Iight, hurrz da plan homez… yall dig it? Iight…" Shadow said.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

"Ok, Rouge! Now just jump up in the air, EXACTLY, six feet, then spin around 1440 degrees. When you do that, you stick your chest out. All movements need to be precise, got it? If not, you die, so are you ready?" asked Knuckles.

"Uh… I'll try?" said Rouge indecisively. Rouge did what Knuckles told her. Just then Rouge's wings turned into angel wings, and her clothing vanished. What was now covering Rouge was a huge yellow beam of light.

"It's… beautiful…" Knuckles said astonished. Knuckles stupidly just stared into the light. Knuckles' sight went black, and so did Rouge's. Unfortunately, Cream and Amy were walking by, and they fainted too.

_Sonic_

Sonic was currently hiding in a cave, in the fetal position.

"Terrorists, terrorists, terrorists, terrorists, terrorists, terrorists…" Sonic continued to rant on.

"Hi my name is Osama Bin Laden!" a tan man said.

"Hi! I'm currently hiding from terrorists, are you hiding from them too?" Sonic asked.

"… I AM a terrorist." Osama stated.

"FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK………………………" Sonic said as he ran off at the speed of sound.

- - -

The team assembled at the same restaurant. Rouge, Knuckles, Amy, and Cream weren't there. Shadow was sitting with his new found love, Wave, touching each other, and Big was still dieting.

"Big. You do know that you can eat now, right?" asked Tails.

"Yeah, I'm just going to stay anorexic now… I wanna weigh 110 next year." Big answered.

"Big, you do know we gotta call you Small now right?" asked Sonic jokingly.

"Nah. I may be skinny, but I'm big another way." Big said as he pointed downwards to his no-no spot, "Even bigger then that sex fiend called Tails. That's why Blaze doesn't want to have another kid with me, mainly because it hurts due to its hugeness."

"Mine too!" Vector said suspiciously, _'Damn, who am I kidding? I wish I were at least 5 inches!'_

"Really?" Espio said in a flamboyant way. Seriously, he was drooling, tongue hanging out, wide eyes, and insanely horny due to Big's huge wiener confession.

"OH GOD THAT IS FREAKING SICK!" cried Tails.

"Why else am I the only male Sonic character who wears pants?" asked Big.

"Shut up! You make me cry!" yelled Sonic. Sonic ran up to Big, slapped him, then ran away, broken hearted, and crying.

"Big, you are one big asshole… You know how much he loves wearing pants…" said Espio.

"AHHH! SOMEONE IS BIGGER THAN ME!!!" Tails yelled.

"How do girls like that pain? I mean, they can't feel anything passed 5 inches anyway..." Espio thought outloud...

"5 inches?!? So I might actually get laid for once!!!" Vector gloated.

"I feel so bad for you Vector..." Tails sighed. The team was done eating, so the team departed with the same lack of detail and thought, just as all the other bloody chapters…

- - -

Knuckles, Rouge, Cream, and Amy stood up. It was already night.

"What was that?" asked Cream. Knuckles and Rouge ran to them.

"You guys fainted too?" asked Knuckles.

"What was that bright light?" asked Amy.

"That was me… I turned Super!" yelled Rouge happily.

"Do any of you have the time?" asked Amy.

"IT'S GAME TIME!" Cream yelled.

"You're a douche bag…" Amy said to Cream.

Knuckles started looking at his arms. He had a drawn in watch on his wrist, like what everyone did in sixth grade.

"Sorry, my watch is out of battery…" Knuckles said. Just then Shadow and three gang members appeared behind them.

"Knuckles… PREPARE TO DIE!" yelled Shadow. Shadow charged at Knuckles, but Knuckles side stepped and punched Shadow's face. A gang member charged for Cream, but Amy quickly drew out her sword and attacked the gang member, but the gang member blocked it with a knife. Rouge countered a knife attack, then kicked his leg that he fell down. Cream dodged another attack, then she spun her ears, and hit the gang member's leg.

"Ahhhhhhh! She broke my leg!" cried the gang member. Amy cut the gang member's wrists, so he couldn't hold a blade anymore. Rouge kicked the guy's face while he was still on the floor. The gang member became unconscious.

Then there was Shadow and Knuckles. Shadow turned super as well, and started blasting Chaos Spears. Knuckles just flew around, dodging them all.

"Chronos Illusion!" yelled Knuckles. Just then four Super Knuckles appeared.

"Chronos Burst!" all of the Knuckles said in unison. The dark green beams surrounded Shadow, but Shadow used Chaos Blast to negate his attacks. Just then all of the Knuckles disappeared and the real Knuckles appeared, grabbed Shadow from behind, and flew downwards. Before they hit the ground, Knuckles arched his body, let go of Shadow, and flew back up again. Shadow hit the ground and was stunned for a few seconds.

"Chronos Rings!" yelled Knuckles. Just then, green rings fell from Knuckles' hand and bound Shadow to the ground.

"I'll get you next time! You damned Blood!" yelled Shadow.

"I'm not even in the Bloods you crazy, deprived, child." Knuckles reassured.

"So… I fought you for nothing?" asked Shadow.

"Yep."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!" Shadow cried out. Knuckles and the other four walked away, but never let Shadow free from the Chronos Rings. The white guy that died in Chapter 9 walked by.

"Hey there! You look all tied up. Just the way I like them." Said the white guy. The white guy closed in on Shadow.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Chaos Rectum!" yelled Shadow. Just then the white guy blew up… again…


	14. Day 13: The Ides of March

**Computer Apocalypse**

Chapter 14: Day 13

_Shadow and Wave_

Shadow woke up from his deep sleep. He tried to get up, but he found that he was still bound to the ground by Knuckles' rings of sodomy and fake tears.

"GOD DAMN YOU KNUCKLES! I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL KILL YOU, AND YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE BLOODY FAMILY!" Shadow yelled with a stereotypical thick, Russian, accent, still struggling to get free. Wave walked by.

"Shadow… Why are you chained to the floor?" asked Wave.

"Fought with Knuckles… He ripped me in half with his little red man chowder powers going on... Freakin… ripped me… freakin... I WILL CLAIM THOU REVENGE ON THY HEAD!!!" Shadow said in a Julius Caesar voice.

"Darn you must suck at fighting…" Wave complimented.

"Thanks Wave… That compliment makes me feel better at the fact I lost to Knuckles. Can you help me get out now?" Shadow asked.

"Sure, I just wanna try something before then, so be right back Shadow!" Wave said excitedly. She sprinted away and 25 minutes passed by until she came back. She came back with a giant Japanese wooden ass spanker.

"Wave… Wave..? What are you going to do with that..? Wait, just hold on Wave… Wave? WAAVVVVVVVEEEEEEE!!!!" Shadow yelled nervously.

"Don't worry, I know what's best." Wave's eyes sparkled as she walked toward Shadow.

_Whack!_

_Knuckles_

"…You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face, in a crowded place. And I don't know what to do… cause I'll never be with y-" Knuckles stopped as he was interrupted by a bloody kernelled scream.

"NOOOOOOO! AH GOD THAT HURTS! WAVE STOP! AH GEEZ! NO IT DOESN'T GO LIKE THAT! ARGH! I HATE BONDAGE! ESPECIALLY BONDAGE PORN! MY GOODNESS, HOW DOES ANYONE OTHER THAN JAPANESE PEOPLE FIND BONDAGE HOT AT ALL!? UNLESS THEY WERE COMMUNIST OR SADISTS, BUT WHAT THE FLYING FUDGE!?!?!?!?" cried Shadow.

"Crap! I left Shadow at the park since yesterday!" Knuckles yelled. He put his guitar down and flew to where Shadow was. Knuckles rushed to the park where he had left Shadow and when he got there, he saw what Wave was doing to him. Knuckles walked away, slowly and backwards, and will never get that sick image of painful romance out of his head again.

- - -

Nobody met at the apartment because it was the useless holiday Ides of March! Everybody was just hanging out and having fun.

- - -

_Big_

"To first become a drummer… I must look like a drummer…" Big walked into the Station Square Tattoo Parlor. After that he walked to the Station Square Hair Cutters.

_Amy_

"First I need to fight four characters that aren't used in Sonic games anymore… Because Sonic Team likes to make stupid new characters in every game… Like Silver and Blaze…" Amy said. She pulled out her cell phone from her bra and called somebody.

"Hello? Batman speaking." Said a weird, deep, mental voice. Kinda like Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants.

"Mighy? I just realized that I love you and I want you inside me. Do you wanna come to Station Square to love me back?" asked Amy. The phone line ended, "I guess that's a yes…" Amy put her phone back inside of her bra and walked aimlessly around Station Square.

_Sonic and Cream_

"Cream, are you sure this is going to help us fight? This just seems too hardcore and strangely erotic…" Sonic said.

"Yes, this just works on our stamina and we burn a lot of calories from doing this. Now just stick it in and pump me hard and fast big boy!" Cream said seductively. Sonic plugged the chord into the outlet and started pumping the machine to the max…

Hah, I bet you thought they were having sex...

_Shadow_

"AHAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! THIS HURTS MORE THAN THE TIME I FELL INLOVE WITH A CACTUS!!!" Shadow cried as Wave smacked him again.

"OH GOD SHADOW!!" Wave moaned.

"OH GOD WAVE! Wait, what the WTF am I doing? I could just Chaos Control myself out of here…" Shadow said as he disappeared.

- - -

Only a few of the team met at the restaurant. Sonic and Cream were still in the forest, learning to fight, Shadow was covertly hiding from the sex fiend Wave, and Knuckles was still puking by what he had seen this day. Big walked in with a million body tattoos, body piercing, and a Mohawk. He looked a lot like a sexy, but good drummer from an American pop punk band famous for the song, All the Small Things and First Date… You know, Blink 182? Everybody's favorite band back in the year 2000 unless you were born 7 years ago? You know… Blink 182? Dumb asses…

"Big! Do ya wanna join my band as the drummer?" asked Vector.

Just then Kurt Colbain ran past the restaurant with 21 people with knives chasing him. He first got stabbed in the neck by Casca, turned around and got stabbed in the shoulder, then got stabbed by everybody else who was there to kill him. Kurt turned around and saw Brutus, his best friend, a noble man, a great leader, his killer. Just then, Kurt turned his toga over his head and with his one final breath he said,

"Et…tu…Brute..?" Kurt asked. Brutus delivered the final stab. Who cares? Kurt will probably come back next chapter…

"Sure! I'll join the band!" said Big.

"Woo hoo! Our band name is called "We Touch Ourselves" and we are making a CD called "In Different Houses". I'm the singer, you're the drummer, Espio is the guitarist, and Kurt is the back up vocals and the lead guitarist... Man this'll be so hot! I'm going to go away to write a song!" Vector said excitedly as he flew off! The team left the restaurant.

- - -

_Amy_

Amy was walking home and then she saw Mighty standing outside her window. WITH HIS RADIO!

"Mighty… How did you find out where I live?" asked Amy.

"Mighty SMASH Amy hard in the mouth." Mighty said, completely ignoring Amy's question… wow, that reminds me of this dumb kid who used to stalk me…

"I really brought you here so I could fight you… I don't love you at all." Amy bluntly said.

"Mighty's heart is broken." Mighty said, on the verge of crying.

Just then, while Mighty was distracted from his rejection, Amy tackled Mighty down to the asphalt, but Mighty kicks her off. Mighty gets back up and pulls something out of his pants, which happens to be a flower vase. Just then Mighty throws the vase at Amy, but Amy catches it and throws it back, hitting Mighty's head, knocking him down. Mighty got back up, then blindly charged Amy with a knife, but Amy sidesteps Mighty's stab, then smashes the side of his face with the hilt of her sword. His jaw cracked, but Mighty back handed Amy to the floor. He kicked her on the stomach while she was down, and Mighty then sits on Amy, then punches her in the face wildly.

Amy placed her arms to her face, to block, and she used her feet to move her sword around and she stabbed Mighty's shoulder, who rolls off of her, writhing and screaming in pain. Amy stood up, then Mighty stands up to pull the sword out of his shoulder, and tries to horizontally slash Amy, but Amy ducks under the swing, and kicked Mighty's knee cap, causing him to fall over forward. She then elbows Mighty in the back of the neck, knocking him unconscious. Amy picks up Mighty's body and throws it into a stone wall, breaking his back. Mighty gets back up and coughed out blood, but then Amy grabs Mighty by the hair and smashes Mighty's face into the wall repeatedly. Headshot! Bomb Defused! Counter Terrorists win!

"Yay! Now I gotta fight Fang the Weasel." Amy said. She walked away, to leave Mighty out in the middle of the road. Just then a cool kid with a unicycle and sunglasses comes speeding down the road at a shocking 8 miles per hour.

"Mighty… can't…move… Mighty… is… gone…" Mighy said, barely able to breathe. The wheel and Mighty's neck collided, and there was BLOOD EVERYWHERE!!!

Ehem… I truly and utterly apologize for that sick, cruel, morbid description of someone's death, and I hope it doesn't offend you in anyway. I truly hope that you continue to let me enlighten you with this story after that first offence.

_Vector_

"You see me rolling… They hatin… Something something something, when you're trying to catch me ridin dirty… Tryin to catch me ridin dirty, tryin to catch me ridin dirty, tryin to catch me ridin dirty…" Was what was heard on MTV.

"ZOMG, ZOMG, ZOMG!!! That should be my inspiration for my new song I'm writing!!" Vector yelled as he got a pen and paper and started writing away with his guitar on his lap.

_Big_

"Next step in becoming a drummer… get a drum set…" Big said. He walked into the store, and 2 hours he walked back out.

"Freaking… $1000… Jeez, that's more than I make in an hour!" Big complained, "Wait, I have a perfect idea…"

Big walked back into the store, and came back out with a huge, misshaped bump in his pants. He reached out of his pants, and pulled out the item that made the bump into the car. It was a complete drum set.

"Wow, I didn't expect people to actually believe me when I said that I had a drum shaped tumor whenever I had an erection…" Big said as he drove off.

_Shadow_

"Whew… I was able to get out of those rings… Now I have to find a way to get rid of Wave's DAMN spanker." Shadow said to himself. Just then, Shadow sees Wave rush after him.

"Shadow!" Wave yelled out. She doesn't seem to have her spanker with her. Shadow starts walking towards Wave, expecting peace, love, tranquility, and nudism, but Wave pulled out the ass spanker from her pants out of nowhere.

"God damn you Julius Caesar!" Shadow cried as he ran away.

"SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHAAAAADDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!" Wave yelled playfully.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

Rouge opened Knuckles' door. She saw the red guy on the floor, surrounded by vomit, blood, urine, saliva, feces, and Ben Affleck, dead. Not really, because can you imagine how bad all that would smell? Yeah, so he was just surrounded by blood, dead.

"Noooooo! Knuckles!" Rouge cried. Just then Knuckles walked out of the bathroom.

"Oh, hi cutie! I don't live in this room anymore. I moved into your closet because I puked 98 times in this room, and it smells worse than a sweating fat man in a gym class in first period. Well, a sweaty fat man doesn't really smell bad IF he is wearing a good deodorant, but actually bad and good odors are opinions so tech-" Knuckles was interrupted.

"Who is that dead Knuckles laying on the floor?" asked Rouge.

"Oh, that's my evil twin brother. He saw something disgusting, taped it for me, and died seven days later. I saw the tape too. It was weird because the tape showed a bunch of rings, spinning chairs, middle aged women looking at mirrors, and a girl with long hair climbing up a well saying seven days in a creepy, macabre way..." Knuckles said.

"Oh…kay..?" Rouge said stupefied. They both walked to Rouge's room and Rouge rode Knuckle's turbulence again. After one hour of Sonic Riders…

"Knuckles." Rouge said with a sweet tone of seriousness in her face.

"Something wrong? You didn't like my turbulence this time? If you want, I can buy Four Tails and make it 14 inches next time we have hardcore animal se-" Knuckles was interrupted.

"No, it's not that…" Rouge said.

"Then what is it?" asked Knuckles.

"Is it love or just for teh hard-core butt secks?" Rouge asked. Just then the song 'Stairway to Heaven' plays on the radio and the couple instantly fell asleep.


	15. Day 14: Froggy and the Pussycats

**Computer Apocalypse**

Chapter 15: Day 14

_Knuckles_

"That question Rouge asked me yesterday… Is it really love or just hardcore animal sex?" Knuckles said aloud in a local mall. It caused many 40 through 50 year old perverted men to look back at him with a hint of lemon in their eyes. Knuckles thought about it for a long time, four hours to be precise, but Knuckles finally came up with the answer and sprinted off to the nearest mountain to gaze upon the rising sunset and listen to the waves as they orchestrate their beautiful melodies of the song of the Siren.

Where the hell am I going with this corny language?

- - -

The team met at the apartment. Sonic came in, slightly more muscular than before, and Cream came back with her ears actually upright and more muscular. Knuckles looks a lot skinnier due to puking a lot and Vector lost his "bling bling". I can't believe they actually made bling bling into an actual word, but anyway, Shadow just took his card and left the building, and Sonic copied. Tails picked up his task card.

"My final task is to buy a soda!" Tails said excitedly. Tails walked over to a vending machine and put some money into it, but the machine spat the dollar back out.

"Darn!! This is going to be a hard mission!" Tails said. He tried the process another time, but with the same results.

"Tails! I'll help you!" Espio said, "Katon: Keipsoijskou!" Espio spat out fire from his mouth, just like a homosexual Sharingan clan Ninja. Just then the vending machine blew out of the building, and landed somewhere outside. Screams were heard, and many lost their lives this tragic and fateful day… Amy pulled her cell phone out of her bra again and called Fang.

"Hey Fang, I'm naked. Do you want to bon-" Amy was interrupted by a click and the sound of an ended call, "Ok, he's coming too…" Just then, Sonic ran in with two tails, one hardened with the smell of teen spirit and the smell of desire.

"You're naked?" Sonic asked. Just then, before he got his answer, he picked up Amy and ran to his apartment room. Rouge pulled her card off,

"Get married… Un shiza!" yelled Rouge. She looked at Knuckles to see if he heard what she had to do. Luckily, Knuckles was blasting Megadeth in his ears, and is quite deaf at the moment. The team split apart.

- - -

_Shadow_

'_Aw man! I have to cheat on my lover! How can I if there are no more female characters in the Sonic universe and all of the girls in this story is taken? Oh wait… there is Cosmos and Sally, but Cosmos is a lesbian and Sally is a prostitute. God damn it! Not to mention that Wave would kick my ass if she found out!'_ Shadow thought. Shadow walked into a Station Square Flamerz Bar, but at the moment ran right back out.

"Holy crap! There are naked dudes in there who want to have sex with me!" Shadow yelled, "Freaken… Crazy…" Just then Shadow yelled, "Chaos Blast!" The whole bar was set on fire, and everybody in the club died a horrible, painful, and brutal death.

_Sonic_

"I have to gain my fame back! I should paint a beautiful picture! A garden of perfection, full of things I used to dream of back when I was innocent and a child…

_**Flashback**_

"Daddy! I wanna be a space marine man astro cosmonaut!" Sonic said, holding his arms out running around. Sonic's dad just looked at Sonic strangely while holding a glass of beer.

"I told her she shouldn't have drank beer, did LSD, and had a foursome with two Asians and a Communist while she was pregnant…" the dad blabbered, as the dad walked into his room to see his wife having sexual intercourse with his neighbor woman and a dog,

"I hate my life…" The dad said as he got his shotgun and aimed up at his chin…

_**Flashback over**_

"Yeah…" Sonic said coolly. He took out a paint brush and a huge piece of paper and started painting the paper green.

- - -

It was lunch time and everybody came to the Love Shack.

"Hey Big, Espio, Kurt! I wrote a song!" Vector said excitedly. Vector handed a piece of paper to the members of 'We Touch Ourselves'. They quickly eyed the paper.

_I'm a hussla_

_I'm a crocodile hussla,_

_I'm a hussla, _

_The popos, they hate me and wanna nine me down,_

_They bust a cap on my ass, and now I lay prison bound._

_Them other boys, they don't know how to act, _

_All because they know I'm bringing sexy back, UH!_

_I'm a hussla, UH!_

_I'm a hussla, UH!_

_Walking home from my gang, I banged a white chick,_

_I accidentally killed her with my HUGE (Male reproductive organ)_

_I tried and hid her body in Big's closet,_

_Them popos will never know that I did it._

_I'm a hussla,_

_Yeah, ugh, oh, yeah, I'm a hussla._

"Do you like it?" asked Vector excitedly. Vector was hopping around, waiting for an answer. Big stayed silent for a while, think of ways to kill himself, Vector, or Blaze. Actually, for two hours exactly.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT PIECE OF SHIT? THAT IS HONESTLY WORSE THAN THE CRAP ON THE RADIO, JUST LIKE 50 CENT OR ANY OTHER MAINSTREAM RAPPER! SERIOUSLY, HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN TO JAIL BEFORE? HAVE YOU EVEN HAD SEX BEFORE? DO YOU EVEN OWN A PENIS IN YOUR PANTS?? THANKS TO YOU, MY I.Q. DROPPED BY HALF AND YOU WASTED MY FIVE SECONDS READING THAT SHIT! DUDE, SHOOT YOURSELF OR ACTUALLY WRITE REAL MUSIC! GO LISTEN TO SOME 60'S FUCKING MUSIC AND GET SOME HINTS FROM THEM! I HATE YOU! I'LL KILL YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY. BLAH BLAH BLAH, I HIGHLY DOUBT THE READER WILL READ THIS PART AND I'LL SAY ANYTHING I WANT JUST BECAUSE NO ONE IS ACTUALLY READING THIS HUGE WALL OF TEXT. PUNK IS DEAD, GOD IS BLACK, RONALD REGAN IS THE DEVIL, AND POKEMON HAS HIDDEN SATANIC MESSAGES! I MEAN, LOOK AT HOUNDOOM, THAT EASILY IS A SATAN DOG! AND POKEMON ALSO PORTRAYS RACISM, JUST LOOK AT JYNX, IT'S MAD STEREOTYPING BLACK PEOPLE AND ELECTABUZZ IS ASIAN WITH THE SLANTY EYES AND YELLOW SKIN. BUT SERIOUSLY, HOW DO RELIGIOUS PEOPLE GET THAT SHIT? THEY ARE FREAKING RETARDED!! BUT ON TO A MORE SERIOUS NOTE, THE AUTHOR LOVES GUITAR, BUT HATES THOSE DAMN STUPID STANDS IN MALLS. I MEAN, DO THEY SERIOUSLY GET ANY MONEY? WTFBBQWAFFLES." Big screamed. Big ran off cursing his brains out, flailing his arms around, as he reached out the door.

"Er… That was kind of horrible, no offence. I kinda puked in my mouth from reading that, and now the darkness we call rap music has taken over my soul and now I lay dormant inside of a hollow body…" Espio said as he walked off.

Kurt just stood there, crying his eyes out…

"That… was… bloody… awful!!" Kurt yelled as he ran away crying his heart out.

Vector started crying and ran away, writing a song about his bleeding heart and his darkening soul. The others just watched them and started laughing.

- - -

_Amy_

Amy was walking home and was being followed by a suspicious looking bush. Amy looked backwards, walked towards the bush, and stared at it for ten minutes. Just then, a purple weasel jumped out of the bush, knocking Amy backwards. Fang landed on top of Amy.

"HELL YEAH GURL! I FINNALY POP YO TRUNK HOE!" Fang said. Just then, Amy kicked Fang off of her, grabbed his arm and head, and slammed Fang, face first, on the cement floor. Fang got back up and tried to pistol whip Amy, but Amy grabbed his hand. Fang struggled to break free, but Amy elbowed Fang's arm, the wrong way, causing his elbow to snap. Fang cried in pain while he was able to land a blind drop kick to Amy's left leg. Fang and Amy then got back to their feet and Fang pulled out a hand gun and shot at Amy, but Amy deflected the bullets with her sword. Amy was magically able to deflect a bullet that hit Fang's leg.

Fang fell down and Amy walked up to him. He stuck his middle finger at her, then she kicked his stomach, but he grabbed her leg and knocked her down backwards. He got up and aimed his gun at her face, stopping her in her tracks. Fang smiled as he was about to pull the trigger, but Amy grabbed his arm, and pointed it away from her, and she wrapped her leg around his arm, then pushed it the wrong way, breaking it. With both arms and a left leg down, Fang bit Amy's leg out of desparation. Amy kicked him off of her and drew her sword. Just then, Amy chopped Fang in half with the Piko Piko sword.

"Two down, two more to go… Next up is Princess Sally." Amy said. Amy picked up the top half of Fang's corpse and left the other half in the middle of the street.

_Big_

Big was playing drums, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, craptastically. He got tired from playing and went to his closet for a towel. As he opened it up, he saw the top half of Fang's body.

"HOLYCRAPWHATTHEFUCKMATE!" Big yelled. Big backed off and fainted.

_Shadow_

"Holy crap! It's the bottom half of a disembodied corpse! I must add this to my corpse fence!" Shadow said as he took the bottom half of Fang's corpse and walked away to place it upon his… corpse fence…

_Sonic_

Sonic looked at his painting. If described in one word: It was bloody horrible. It made eyes bleed just by thinking about it, made people explode if you touched it, made people puke if you knew what it looked like, and made people turn to stone if you looked at it. If you REALLY want to puke, the picture was a poorly drawn fiery spaceship falling on a small patch of grass.

"Screw it! I have to fight Tails to gain my fame back! I'm a fighter, not an artist!" Sonic said. Sonic left his apartment to ease his troubled mind.

_Tails_

Sonic's door opened up and a curious fox's head pops out of the door.

"Sonic! You in here?" Tails asked. Tails walked in and saw Sonic's painting, "Holy crap… It's beautiful…" Tails grabbed it and ran away.

_Knuckless and Tails_

Knuckles was walking home after just buying something for Rouge. On his way home, he saw Tails being poked by the police's gay prodding rods.

"No! I don't have any intention of bombing a small patch of grass! Leave me alone!" Tails screamed as he was trying to shake off the police. Knuckles walked in and drop kicked the two cops in the face… with one kick… if possible…

"Tails, what was all that about? Are you a terrorist?" Knuckles asked. Tails pulled out Sonic's painting and showed it to Knuckles.

"Holy crap, it's beautiful…" Knuckles said.

"Yeah, found it in Sonic's room and took it." Tails said. Just then, Froggy came out of nowhere and devoured the painting.

"Nooooooooooo!" Tails and Knuckles yelled in unison.

"Kill that damn frog!" yelled Knuckles. Knuckles and Tails started chasing the defenseless frog, but the frog cloned himself thousand fold.

"Cor Blimey mate…" Tails said sadly. Just then, Knuckles and Tails got Froggy owned. A few minutes of Froggy ownage, Knuckles and Tails found themselves down on the ground.

"Tails! I can't feel my legs! I think I need to cut them off to equalize the blood circulation!" Knuckles cried as he grabbed on to Tails' shoulder.

"Knuckles! You know I would do that for you, but I had to cut off my own arms off in order to save my own! I'm so sorry!" Tails said through all his tears.

"Tails… If you make it through this, tell Rouge…" Knuckles paused, "That I wanted to marry her!"

"I'm so sorry my friend… I swear that I will, but I know we're gonna get out of here alive!" Tails said. Just then, helicopters appeared above them.

"I hear the search party, they coming to save us! Too bad it's too late…" Knuckles said.

"What do you mean Knuckles?" Tails looked over to his fallen companion. He had died, "Knuckles? Knuckles? KNUCKLES!"

The ambulance carried both of them in a stretcher, and placed a white cloth over Knuckles' face.

- - -

After ten minutes of healing, Knuckles and Tails are completely fine. Tails got his arms back somehow, and Knuckles was not dead.

"That was fun." Knuckles said.

"Yeah, but I'm tired. You're going to bed now?" Tails asked.

"Sure, wanna walk there together?" Knuckles asked.

"Sure." The two friends walked off into the waiting darkness.


	16. Day 15: A Rematch: Demon vs Devil

**Computer Apocalypse**

Chapter 16: Day 15

_Amy_

Amy pulled her cell phone out of her bra and dialed a number.

"Hello, Dirty Prostitute Queens Brothel, how may I take your order?" answered a girl with a seductive tone.

"Sally, I need-" Amy was cut off.

"Whoa! I don't do girls… anymore at least, but don't tell anyone I said that. Good bye!" Sally said.

"Wait! Don't you remember me?!" Amy asked.

"Do I know you?" Sally asked.

"Yeah, I'm Amy Rose, in math class, remember?"

"Amy! It's been a long time! Haven't seen you since high school! You still pursuing that fag called Sonic?"

"Not anymore, I slept with Sonic and it was freaking amazing. He really IS the fastest thing alive…"

"WHY YOU FILTHY BITCH! YOU KNEW THAT HE WAS MY EX-BOYFRIEND! I KILL YOU! I CUT YOU! I CUT YOU GOOD TOO!" Sally screamed in a random stereotypical Latino accent. Sally hung up and the call ended as Amy walked away.

_Sonic_

"Ok, who the hell took my damn painting?" Sonic asked out loud. Sonic searched his apartment all morning. Hell, he even searched the graveyard, Jessica Simpson's brain, and Amy's apartment, and found absolutely nothing except for an empty void of nothingness. Just when Sonic opened the door to his room, Tails was standing upside down on the ceiling.

"Hey Sonic!" greeted Tails. Sonic jumped backward due to surprise and fell into unconsciousness.

"Sonic? Are you OK? I gave back your painting…" Tails said as he jumped from the ceiling to the floor. He then bent over Sonic's unconscious body and took his wallet and ran to the Warehouse.

- - -

The team went to the same old boring Warehouse except for Sonic, because he was knocked out at the moment. A man in a suit, suitcase, and a Spongebob Squarepants neck tie walked into the room.

"I'm here to tell Espio about his paper work for his ninja license. We found out that he lied through the process to become a ninja, because we recently found out that he is NOT a human, he does NOT stand higher than four feet, nor is he even straig-" the man dropped dead due to a kunai to his fore head. Just then, Espio ran up to his corpse and grabbed his legs.

"Knuckles! Help! I need to bury him quickly!" Espio yelled, "Grab his arms!" Knuckles ran forward to the top of the corpse and carried him away, out the door and into the streets.

"Where the hell are we taking this guy?" Knuckles asked.

"I don't know! We just gotta hide it fast!" Espio retorted. They ran off into the middle of the street… yeah, that's not suspicious at all… A homosexual ninja and a dumb ass carrying a corpse in the middle of the street… Yeah… dumb asses…

"How the hell was Espio able to pull himself off as a human?" asked Cream. Cream turned her head around to the bulletin board, but Espio was right behind her.

"To answer your question, I was able to pass off as a human by…"

**FLASH BACK**

Espio took shrooms, AND LSD, AND beer all at the same time, and it was his first time doing drugs. Espio looked just like those idiotic human cosplayers in a purple, chameleon, ninja costume.

**FLASH BACK OVER**

"… and I forgot how I was NOT stoned enough to pass the ninja test." Espio said. After he was done talking, he suddenly teleported away.

"What's the ninja test?" Cream asked. Espio reappeared in front of her.

"Oh, you have to be level 25, be able to learn a level 3 Firaga spell, and a Curaja spell, and have 30 speed points to switch jobs. Once that happens, you have to keep killing Giant Mushrooms in the Enchanted Forest to get 10 metals then the ninja boss back in Gamalon promotes you to a Ninja class." Espio said with a nerdish Maple Story tone to it. Then Espio ninja'd away.

Cream walked to the bulletin board, and grabbed her card. The card just poofed into Espio.

"I forgot to tell you, NEVER IN YOUR LIFE, do drugs, or you'll end up becoming a ninja." Espio said. He poofed away again. Cream fell on the ground all anime style due to confusion. As Cream got back to her feet, as if fate had done this dirty deed, Espio appeared again, causing Cream to punch Espio's face for being annoying… but Espio's a ninja, so that had no effect at all.

"Oh yeah, don't put any skill points into the Rubber Sword of Self Pleasure skill if you end up becoming a ninja… it's useless, and it's not hot at all… unless you're gay." Espio said as he vanished again. Vector picked up his card.

"Final Task: Make your band become a famous band." Vector said. Vector started doing a dance that made even Mighty look smart. Well, Mighty was actually smart until he had sex for the first time… so sad, yet so beautiful…

"Final Task: Save somebody from their death." Cream read out loud. The team split apart.

- - -

_Big_

Big walked back into his room. He needed to get some money and condoms that he left in his closet. As he opened up the door, the corpse of the business man, hanging on a rope, was waiting for him. Big jumped back and fell unconscious again.

_Tails_

"Ok, here goes nothing!" Tails said. Tails inserted the dollar in the vending machine. "Hell yeah! It works! I'm done with these tests!"

_Shadow_

Shadow was sitting on top of the building, alone, looking downward to the people below. He sees a familiar sluttish squirrel.

'_Sally? Should I cheat on Wave for her?'_ Shadow thought. Shadow jumped from the building, ran to Sally, picked her up, then ran to an alleyway.

"Shadow? Why is your loveable male reproductive organ red and white?" Sally asked while getting it on between moans.

"Well…"

**SOMEWHERE IN A MEGAMAN GAME**

Cutman was on the floor writhing in pain while holding his once-existed-but-now-cut-off genitals.

"JESUS CHRIST! HE ACTUALLY CUT IT OFF! HE CUT IT OFF WITH MY OWN SCISSOR HEAD THING! HE CUT IT ALL OFF! AHHHHHHHHHH! JESUS PICE MAN! IT HURTS SO BAD, IT HURTS SOO MUCH!" Cutman cried, writhing in pain.

- - -

It was lunch. Shadow was still with Sally in the alleyway, making some hardcore animal love, Knuckles was playing Pokemon Emerald in the corner, and the We Touch Ourselves band was talking.

"I wonder where Shadow is…" Wave said. Wave stood up, "I'm gonna look for him!" Wave pulled out a hover board from her pocket and flew away.

"Tails! I challenge you to a fight! At the beach again!" Sonic said excitedly.

"Yes mam! I'll fight right after lunch!" Tails said.

"DAMN IT!" Knuckles yelled. Knuckles threw his GBA at the wall and started crying.

"Knuckles, what happened?" Tails asked.

"Gym leaders Liza and Tate kicked my ass… Stupid Sceptile… Shoulda picked Torchic instead…" Knuckles cried.

"Uh… Damn?" Tails tried to say comfortingly, but did not know what the hell Knuckles was talking about.

"Hey Big! Espio! Cobain! I wrote a new song! Here it is!" Vector said. He handed the paper for both of them to read.

_**Another Crappy Emo Song**_

_I don't get why I can't ever learn,_

_I'd rather slit my wrists and burn,_

_All that's left in me to believe._

_And I'd take my life with ease._

_I'll die nice and slow,_

_And I doubt that you would know._

_It's a shame I had to die,_

_No one understands why._

_Until the end, I'm damned,_

_Forever, I understand,_

_It's a shame I had to die,_

_It's a shame I had to die._

"So, what do you think?" Vector cried with anxiety while doing that I-have-to-urinate-but-there-are-no-bathrooms dance thing.

"It's better than the ghetto wannabe crap you wrote before." Big said.

"And with that, I think it should be a little longer. Make it easier, like write what the Verse and Chorus is." Espio said.

"If you want, I'll write the guitar parts for it. I have a good idea what it should be…" Kurt said.

"You like it? HELL YEAH! Band practice at my house after five PM!" Vector yelled. He then just ran off, being a little, happy, gay crocodile/alligator thing he is supposed to be.

- - -

_We Touch Ourselves_

"Yeah! Let's record a CD!" Vector said.

"Yeah!" said the other 3 band members. Just then once the finished recording, they changed their name to Fall Out Boy and made a CD called Infinity on High and became multi millionaires, all because a picture of Vector's hairy and disgusting wang was posted on the interweb.

Nah, just kidding, they just blew major ass because their band sucks donkey balls.

_Sonic and Tails_

"You ready punk?" asked Sonic.

"I'm nowhere near punk… I was in 7th grade though, but I got beat up, so I became preppy…" Tails retorted. Just then Sonic turned into his Super Sonic mode, as Tails turned into his demon mode. "That's it? This will be easy…" (Warning, Dragon Ball Z-like-wannabe-fight about to begin)

"Don't be so cocky Kakarot! I've not even showed you my true power!" Sonic said. Sonic then turned into a white version of Super.

"This is my Hyper mode! With this, I'm 4 times more powerful than my Super mode." Sonic yelled. Tails charged up until he grew out a 5th tail.

"I'll still kick your ass with my 5-tailed demon mode!" Tails said cockily.

"O RLY? What if I take this Hyper Mode to a new power, a higher potential Kakarot? Be prepared to be the first one to experience my Diety Mode!" Sonic said as he charged all his Chi/Chakra/Spirit Energy/Seamen/ect. into his body. Just then Sonic slowly turned fiery red, with his eyes and fists flaming, his spikes hardened, and every foot step he took left a smoky foot print on the ground, "With this mode, I'm OVER NINE THOUSAND times stronger than Super mode."

"Hey Vegeta, what's his power level?" Tails asked. Just then, the scouting meter on Vegeta's face shattered.

"IT'S OVER NINE THHOOOOOOUUUUUUSSSAAAAAANNNNDDD!!!" shouted some constipated man with spiky jet black hair while wearing saiyin armor.

"WHAT!?!? That's impossible!" Tails shouted in disbelief.

"IT'S OVER NINE THHOOOOOOUUUUUUSSSAAAAAANNNNDDD!!!" He repeated.

"Damn you Krillin!" Tails said.

"Think you can keep up, Kakarot?" Sonic mocked. Just then, both Sonic and Tails disappeared into thin air. Tails landed a punch on Sonic's face, but Sonic exploded, causing Tails to fly backwards. Four Sonic clones appeared all around him and kicked Tails into the air, and one Sonic clone appeared behind Tails and grabbed him so he couldn't move. Just then twenty Sonic clones came flying towards him in a line and when a clone hit Tails, they exploded. Tails fell into the ground. Just then Tails grew two more tails, and his fur darkened to grey. He stood back up, but back on all fours. Just then Tails disappeared, but Sonic saw through Tails' speed and disappeared too. The earth started to shake and the waves on the beach grew higher. Just then hundreds of Sonic clones surrounded the poor little fox. The fox started breathing fire at the clones, causing the clones to automatically explode.

The clones' explosion caused the real Sonic flying up to the air, where Tails hit Sonic higher into the air and spiked him into a mountain. Sonic stayed lodged into the crater while Tails used Chaos Blast on him. Once the smoke cleared, Sonic was missing. Sonic reappeared and cloned himself and one clone got behind the fox and pinned him down. The rest of the clones suicide bombed the fox. As soon as the clones were all used, Tails' fatigued body fell to the ground, then Sonic stood above the kitsune.

"I think I won." Sonic said. The red Sonic turned back blue and the fox turned golden.

"Damn… you… Krillin… damn…" Tails said as he went unconscious. Sonic walked away from the beach.

_Amy_

"Where the crap is Sally? That damn whore stood me up! She's no longer in my top 8 friends on Myspace!" yelled Amy as she signed on her Myspace account.

_Wave_

Wave was walking around the city. On the wall, she saw a shadow of two people having sex. One of it was shaped like a hedgehog and another was shaped like a squirrel.

"God I hope that's Sonic and not Shadow…" Wave said sadly. She walked toward the end of the building and saw. She ran away crying.


	17. Day 16: Sweet 16

**Computer Apocalypse**

Chapter 17: Day 16

_Shadow_

Shadow just awoke from his deep sleep. He yawned, stretched, scratched his scrotum, and stood up from bed but woke up to Wave's angry face with a wrench in hand. Shadow jumped backwards out of shock.

"Wahh!! Wave! Sup? Come here often?" Shadow asked out of desperation.

"Nothing much Shadow… Too bad I can't say the same for you…" Wave said as she brought her wrench up. There was a deep fire in her eyes as she slowly, but creepishly, walked closer. All Shadow could do was move back, until he backed into the corner of the room.

"Crap! I'm surrounded! No! Noooo! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SNNNNNNNAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" cried Shadow.

_Amy_

Amy walked to her mailbox to see a letter from her mom. She opened the envelope and read the letter.

_Dear Amy:_

_I don't know if you know this, but your birthday is today. Yeah, I threw a surprise Sweet Sixteen party for you. So you better enjoy it you cheeky bastard. I bought your dress, which is hidden somewhere in your closet… don't ask how I snuck the dress in with out your pit-bull, bugler alarm, alarm system, spandex device not noticing I was in here illegally, that's not important… It has 25 cents in it, so you better find it before anyone else does…_

_From,_

_The drunken child beater you cried mother when I beat you with a cactus… 19 times…_

"Holy crap! I'm having a sweet sixteen!! Yay!! I love my drunken child beater I cried mother whenever she beat me with a cactus 19 times!!" Amy said.

_We Touch Ourselves_

"You losers ready?" asked Vector. The other three nodded in agreement.

"Ok, Big, count us off!" Espio said. Big whacked the drum sticks together three times, and when the last sound struck, an awful noise came from Vector's apartment. The drums made an awful car crash into pole sound, the guitar sounded like a cell phone ring tone sound, the bass didn't even exist in the music, and Vector sang in a really high pitched whiney squeak voice while playing 'Chopsticks' by Beethoven on the keyboard. It sounded a lot like Panic! At the Disco.

_After an hour of sucking…_

_Female glands…_

_Heh…_

_Glands…_

"Fudge yeah dawg! Our band pwns! We're definitely gonna become famous!" screamed Vector as he started destroying their set. Kurt backhands Vector and yells out,

"What the hell man! We suck more than that novel Jessica Simpson wrote! Excuse me, but let me make this band a hell lot better! I declare myself leader of this poop deck…" Kurt ranted. Vector began to cry, but the other two learned how to love music again.

- - -

At the meeting ground…

"Shadow! What the hell happened to you?" Cream asked, noticing a Shadow with a twisted arm, a neck cast, crutches, and a gun shot through his bleeding black heart.

"My heart…" Shadow paused for 10 minutes, crying his heart out, "Is broken in two different ways. I don't get how these tasks Eggman made are to help me when all they do is break my heart even more…" Shadow walked out of the room, and into his own room to cry himself to sleep.

"I really thought only girls PMS…" Sonic said. Sonic got blank and scary stares from girls outside the window. It was slightly awkward knowing the oblivious fact that the span that the Sonic Team was currently seized in was located upon the second floor. After an hour of awkward moments and stares, Amy then ran into the room.

"Guys! I'm having my sweet sixteen today!" Amy said with a sense of happiness in her voice.

"This is perfect for us! Amy, do you need a band to play at your Sweet Sixteen?" Vector asked.

"Do I have to pay you?" Amy asked.

"Yes, but what we charge is cheaper than Paris Hilton's body." Vector said.

"You play for no money?" Amy asked.

"No. We'll play for $20. That means we receive $5 for each of our members! Hell yeah, we're making it big!!" Vector said in triumph.

"You really need to get laid…" Kurt said.

"Too late." Said that white pedophile guy in that chapter where he died… Just then, his head exploded due to an atomic bomb that randomly landed on him, killing only him and no one and nothing else was damaged.

"What the flying fudge…?" Amy asked with a tone of stupor.

"Hey Knuckles, Tails… why are you huddled up together in the corner in an over exaggerated state of fear?" Big asked. Froggy was staring at Knuckles and Tails.

"Don't tell Big." Froggy said. Froggy's eyes turned to a deep shade of evil blood red, "I see everything." Pause, "Everything." Pause, "Everything…" The last "everything" rang through their eyes and souls. They started holding each other closer.

"Help me!" cried Knuckles.

"Sonic!" Cried Tails.

"What the hell man!?" Sonic complained, "Damn it Tails, stop pissing me off with that screaming 'Sonic' business!"

"Yes master..." Tails sighed.

"Sure, you can play at my party. Just PLEASE do not play a Greenday song. If you do, I'll turn you into a leather purse." Amy threatened.

"To tell you the truth, I was a purse that turned into a Crocodile…" Vector admitted.

"ZOMG! So was I! Do you want to be my friend?" Shadow asked trying to fit in.

"God damnit! It's not cool man, IT'S NOT COOL!" Sonics yelled at Shadow, causing him to cry.

"My last task is to find true love…" Espio said.

"My last task is to set Froggy free…" Big said. Knuckles and Tails started dancing.

"HELL YEAH! NO MORE FROGGY TORCHER!" sang Knuckles

"NO MORE FROGGY OWNAGE!" Tails sang.

"AND NO MORE FROGGY SLAPS!"

"AND NO MORE FROGGY BATHS!" Everybody looked at Tails in the LEAST homosexual way possible, well except for Espio. He's naturally like that.

"Sonic and Shadow are finished with all their tasks, so what do they do now?" asked Cream. Espio placed a hand on Cream's shoulder.

"When you're older Cream, when you're older…" Espio said while patting Cream's shoulder.

"Since we're done, that means we get to party like it's 1699!" Sonic yelled. Just then, Sonic got into an Amish suit, jumped on a horse, and went to an Amish party… If they exist... like Jeebus...

The team separated back into the unknown world...

- - -

_Big_

"I'm sorry Froggy, but I have to let you go. It's not you, it's me." Big said. Big flushed the frog down the toilet. Knuckles and Tails were hiding in a bush conveniently hidden in Big's shower. The bush started to shake like a Poleroid picture. One hour later, Big left the bathroom, and once he did, the bush exploded with pure emotion and happiness.

"FROGGY'S GONE! WOOOOOHOOOOOOO!" Knuckles and Tails said in unison. Just then, a voice came out of nowhere.

'_I see everything…'_ Froggy's voice said.

"Oh well... Let's have a Froggy is gone party!" Knuckles said. Just then, Knuckles and Tails had a white sailor suit on, and play boy girls came out of the bathroom closet, and Journey's song, Don't Stop Believing, started playing.

_Amy_

Amy was on Myspace, photo shopping her pictures for Face Book, Myspace, Myspot, and the other OVER NINETHOUSAND social networking places for lonely 40 year old men. Once she was done, she made a new bulletin to ask her 5000 friends to comment it.

"That's a good idea…" Amy said. Amy then made a bulletin about her sweet sixteen, inviting everybody.

- - -

At the restaurant…

"Woooooo! Sweet sixteen in 2 hours!" Amy yelled.

"Who cares about sweet sixteens when you can't love..?" asked Shadow.

"Go cry emo kid…" Knuckles said as Shadow cried… again…

"Amy, who's gonna be waltz dancing at the beginning of the party?" asked Espio.

"Me and Sonic, Knuckles and Rouge, Cream and Tails, and Wave and Shadow." Amy said.

"I can't dance with Shadow! He doesn't make me a happy panda!" yelled Wave. Shadow started crying.

"Oh, I am trapped in a bubble of emotions!" cried Shadow.

"I'll dance with you Wave." Espio said.

"Sure, but wanna go out with me before we dance?" asked Wave.

"Sure." Espio said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shadow cried. Shadow ran away to listen to his Hawthorne Heights CDs while hanging himself with the thread of his Hawthorne Heights T-Shirt.

- - -

_**Amy's Sweet Sixteen**_

About every Sonic character in existence was at the party, equaling to about 5000 people. Even Blaze was there, who was supposedly in jail… supposedly…The dancing waltz people had just finished dancing, and Vector's band walked out on the stage.

"This song is for couples only." Vector said. Vector looked at his band.

"1, 2, 1, 2, 3, go!" Big counted off.

"Wise, man, say… only fools… rush… in…" Vector sang. Vector sang, Kurt played the keyboard, and Big played the drums. Espio was dirty dancing with Wave while Shadow was crying in the corner of the room with Sally still hitting on him. Big got drunk and started party boying Blaze, which creepishly party boyed back, Knuckles and Rouge were making out, Sonic and Amy were having sex, and Tails and Cream were on a roof top.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

Rouge broke out of Knuckles' kiss.

"Knuckles, I really don't have that same feeling we had in the beginning of this… I'm sorry, but I have to leave you…" Rouge said. Knuckles handed Rouge a piece of paper, then was killed instantly from a rampaging drunk Big. Rouge cried, but later on opened the note. It read:  
'Without your love, I would die.'

So sad, but so beautiful. Nah, just kidding, just another one of those Myspace chain bulletins that the emo kids repost so they wont be single for the rest of their lives… they probably will, but on to the story! What really happened was:

"Rouge, will you marry me?" asked Knuckles. Knuckles pull out the ring he bought for her two days ago. Just then Rouge kissed Knuckles as she started crying. After 20 minutes of kissing, Knuckles broke out of it and said, "I guess that's a no…" Knuckles started to walk away sadly. Rouge grabbed his hand.

"No you dummy! That was a yes." Rouge said jokingly. Knuckles and Rouge started to kiss again.


	18. Day 17: We Touch Ourselves

**Computer Apocalypse**

Chapter 18: Day 17

_Big_

Big opened his eyes and found he was in an unlit room. It had a musky scent to it, as if someone was sweating profusely, but the sweat evaporated…

"Where the douche am I?" Big asked aloud. He sat up and noticed there were about 4 naked girls laying in his bed, 7 beers in his hands, seamen all over the walls and floor, and a lot of used condoms.

"Big, that was amazing… I never knew you could handle 4 girls at once." Sally said as she rolled off the bed.

"Big, you're freaking hung like a moose, can I have your number?" Cosmo asked. Big started shaking, as he's done what no other man has done before…

"WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!" Big cried. Just then, Blaze walked into the room, "Uh… Blaze, it's a funny story… I can explain…"

"BIG!!!!" Blaze cried as she tackled Big into the wall.

_Vector_

Vector sat up from the ground, in the middle of the street. He was still intoxicated from the Sweet Sixteen yesterday.

"Ahhhh! My head burns with the burning, fiery, intensity of a thousand suns!" Vector whined. Just then a business man walked up to Vector as Vector struggled to stand upright.

"Excuse me, but I saw your band perform last night, and I was in utter awe. You have beautiful vocal and instrumental harmonies, and that solo was so melodic and matched the different yet perfect rhythms of the bass and guitar. The drumming had a perfect tone and certain edge to it, which made the song sound so much… crisper. Everything matched so well, that I felt like I was having sex with the songs you played… What was that last song you played before you slept with that 8 year old girl?" the man asked.

"Uh… that last song was called 'Is it Straight if I Masturbate to Jail Sex?'. My band wrote the song a few days back… It's a break up song about Espio and his last relationship." Vector said drunkenly.

"What's your band name?" the man asked.

"We Touch Ourselves. Why'd you ask?"

"Well, I'm a record deal owner for Station Square records, and I'd like to sign you up for a record deal. If you say yes, you'll be rich, sexy, and famous. If not, you are dumb and will never get another shot at fame, unless you become a porn star." The man offered.

"SWEET JESUS!! HELL YES!!! MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE!!!" Vector cried in ecstasy. He ran up to hug, kiss, feel, and caress the neutral man standing before him. Not really, but he was going to do it until:

"Ok, you just need to pay $1000 for recording and shit." The man said. Vector felt his heart sink below the ocean as the man handed his business card and walked away into the sun set.

"DAMN YOU TOM CRUISE! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!!!" Vector cried, "…What the hell? I slept with an 8 year old? That's not legal in some parts here… I have to keep that on the DL…"

- - -

Espio, and Kurt were the only ones to meet up at the meeting grounds.

"Where the hell is everyone? Are they still drunk from yesterday?" Kurt asked.

"I don't know… That means we're all alone now…" Espio suggested, "So, I heard you were bisexual when you were younger, before you married Courtney Love…" Espio walked closer to Kurt's mouth.

"Ahh! What the hell man!? You have a girlfriend!" Kurt yelled as he stumbled backwards. Vector ran into the room with a huge smile on his face.

"Guys! This is serious business! This business guy wants us record our music stuff! We'll be rich and famous!" Vector yelled happily while hopping up and down.

"Really? Damn, we were that good yesterday? I thought we blew ass…" Kurt asked.

"That was me." Espio said. The other two guys took a step back.

"Yeah, he really liked that last song we played. The only thing that stopped me from saying yes to it was that we need $1000 for the recording and stuff." Vector sighed.

"We'll all need to get jobs…" Espio said.

"Damn… I suck at job interviews…" Vector said.

**FLASH BACK**

"So, I see you went to a community college of New Jersey… Are you experienced at all for acting??" asked the interviewer man.

"For acting? Nah… My last job was a place at a burger store…" Vector admitted. Just then, the man tackled Vector to the ground ripping off their clothes, "No!! Not like this, not like this, please!!" Vector cried as the man started kissing his neck and touching his no-no spot…

**FLASH BACK OVER**

"Uh… Damn?" Kurt tried to say comfortingly.

"Yeah, just try to get some money for this, so no need for interviews." Espio said.

"Well… I'm not good at that either…" Vector said.

**FLASH BACK NUMBER 2**

Vector stood on his sidewalk behind a hand made wooden counter that stated, "Lemonade". Vector stood there for 5 hours until a man in his forties drove up next to him.

"Hey there whipper snapper. What's up?"

"Nothing, just really bored…" Vector said.

"I can fix that! I got some cookies and N'Sync posters in my mini van, would you like to come in with me so I can show you some stuff?"

"Oh boy!" Vector yelled as he ran into the car. In just 20 minutes, you heard a poor, innocent crocodile scream, and the sound of an unwanted and un natural romance between a zoo-pedophile and a crocodile.

**FLASH BACK NUMBER 2 DONE**

"Holy crap, you honestly must be one miserable child…" Espio said.

"Nah, no matter what, I'll always be happy!" Vector yelled while pointing his finger at the sun.

"Hey Vector, you're green." Kurt insulted. Vector started crying.

"MY GOD, THAT MAKES ME SOO DEPRESSED! I'M GOING TO WRITE A SONG ABOUT IT AND CUT MY WRISTS DUE TO LACK OF SOMETHING BETTER TO LIVE FOR!!" Vector cried.

"Ok, stop with these shenanigans, we need to get jobs now. Just find a way to make $250 each, and we'll meet up here later. Someone needs to tell Big, and now let's get some money!" Espio directed.

"Will do, I'll go tell Big." Vector said as he wiped away his tears. Espio teleported somewhere secluded, and Kurt was… on the phone… with someone… horny…

- - -

_Kurt_

Kurt found a job on the newspaper he read a while ago when his phone rang…

"Hey there, you have dialed the hot sex or emotional phone line. Press 1 for hardcore phone sex or 2 for emotional problems. You have selected option 1… Press 1 if you are a guy, 2 if you are a girl, 3 if you are a transvestite, or 4 if you are undecided… You have selected option 1… Press 1 if you're black, 2 if you're white, 3 if you're not those first 2, 4 if you don't know, or 5 if you're undecided… You have selected option 4… Hey there, I'm Kurt." Kurt said all professionally.

"Hey there, I'm Mike. You sound hot…" Said a desperate sounding voice on the phone.

"Hey Mike, are you ready?" Kurt asked.

"Hell yeah! I'm already naked and have lots of lube with me." Mike said.

"Ok, then here we go. Oh baby, oh baby, oh baby!" Kurt said monotonously.

"Hey, I'm cumming." Mike said.

"What the hell? Already? Jeez, you're a virgin aren't you?" Kurt asked.

_Espio_

Espio looked upon the dark shadowy figure. There were men that stayed quiet, lined up, with guns guarding the entrance. The shadowy figure moved his face forward, lighting up to only show half of his face. The man took one puff of his cigar…

"So, what's the job?" Espio said.

"Espio, I will pay you $100 if you can kill this man by tomorrow." The voice said as he threw Espio a picture. It was a thin but muscular man who had a shiny bowl haircut, wearing a green spandex jumpsuit, orange leg warmers, bandaged sleeves, weird looking eyes, and has thick bushy eyebrows.

"Have any idea where I could find him?" Espio asked.

"He's most likely training in the forest or somewhere… He's a ninja, he should be training somewhere there… You're a bloody ninja, find him yourself you lazy ass…" the boss said.

"Double the bounty and I'll kill him within 1 hour…" Espio said.

"Deal." The boss said. Espio vanished into a puff of smoke.

_Vector and Big_

"FIND DA COMPOOTER ROOM!! Damn it Big, where the hell are you?" Vector sighed as he was running around Big's block. As Vector turned the corner, he saw Big laying on the floor, with Blaze pointing a shotgun, 2 feet away at his face.

"THIS IS WHAT YOU GET FOR CHEATING ON ME!!!" Blaze cried.

"Blaze! It doesn't have to end like this!" Big cried.

"Damn it! Big!! Watch out!!" Vector yelled as he ran towards the dysfunctional couple. Blaze's hand on the trigger squeezed slowly, but at the last second, Vector jumped in. There was a sound of a single shot that scared off little animals hidden in the alleyways and sewers. Vector took the bullet.

"Vector!!" Big cried as he looked down at his friend.

"It's Ok… Don't worry about me…" Vector said as he coughed out blood. Vector's eyes shut and his arms grew stiff and heavy. Vector died.

Nah, that really didn't happen, but what really happened was…

"Damn it! Big!" Vector yelled as he ran towards the couple. He then punched Blaze in the face and took the shotgun away.

"Ahh… Thanks Vector." Big thanked, "What's up?"

"This guy wants us record our stuff! We'll be famous!" Vector yelled happily, "But we need $1000, so everybody is getting a job."

"Damn, I did not expect to become famous…" Big sighed, "Oh well, 'tis good, I'll get a job. I already was planning on getting one before this happened."

"Nice, we'll get $1000 in no time!" Vector said.

"No! I won't let you become famous!" Blaze yelled, only to be met by a shotgun pointed directly into her face.

"Shut up whore. Iron my shirt bitch. Make sure dinner is ready by the time I get home." Big said.

"Yes husband." Blaze said sadly as she walked away. Big and Vector separated.

_Espio_

Espio blocked the punch, a few inches away from his face, but felt a well placed kick in his stomach. Espio fell, catching his breath.

'_Damn, his Taijutsu is amazing…'_ Espio thought.

"Give up! And I won't kill you THAT painfully!" the man said. Espio stood back up and did a lot of hand seals.

"_Seal, Ox, Tiger, Llama, Cactus!_" the seals ended, "**Daton: Kuyolaksvi no jutsu**!" Espio said as a giant, thick iron ball surrounded his body.

"Think that'll work? I'll just break the through the steel!" the man said confidently. He jumped in the air and then did a well-placed drop kick to the shell, but it did not show signs of breaking. The man then tried with one last punch, to punch through the shell. All it did was knock the shell backward 20 feet.

"_Earth, Wind, Fire, Water, Heart, Captain Planet!_" the seals ended, "**Katon: Koiunfaas no Jutsu!**" Espio yelled as a wheel of fire hit Lee from behind. The man's back was scorched as he fell to the ground.

"Damn it! He tricked me!" he cursed, "Fourth gate!" he transformed into a brown skinned… Super Saiyin wannabe… eh… thing? He undid the bandages on his arms as they wrapped around the giant iron shell. He swung the improvised flail at Espio.

"Oh holy crap…" Espio said as he teleported behind his enemy. Espio tried to use a fire jutsu, but the man's bandages wrapped around Espio like what tentacles do to Japanese schoolgirls… minus the pleasure… Espio got thrown down through the ground. The man then slingshot the giant iron shell at Espio, automatically killing him.

The man turned back normal, battered and bleeding, as he landed on the floor.

"I win Gai-sensai!" He said in triumph. Just then, the iron shell shook. It slowly started to levitate, and on the bottom, a yellow version of Espio lifting the rock up.

"God damn it! I'm getting pissed off! I've never used my transformation before!!" Espio yelled at himself. Espio then threw the shell towards the man's direction. Unfortunately, the man was too tired to run away, due to the 4 gates draining his health, so he just raised his arms up to try to catch the shell.

Espio turned back to his original pink/purple form, and he walked back to the bosses layer.

_Big and Vector_

"Excuse me miss, but I was wondering- ATTACK HER WHILE SHE'S NOT LOOKING BIG!" Vector yelled as Big nailed the woman on the head with a bottle of beer. Needless to say… she went unconscious… quite easily…

"What do we do now?" Big asked.

"Take her weed! Hurry!" Vector asked.

"What? Not the money?" Big asked.

"Dude, I have a plan, just do it!" Vector commanded.

"But she lives in a mansion! She has money everywhere!" Big argued.

"GOD DAMN IT BIG! JUST DO IT, OR I'M GOING TO GET BLAZE OVER HERE!" Vector threatened.

"Yes boss…" Big said as he pulled out a huge bag of weed from her house…

"Ok, now, follow me!" Vector said.

_One hour later…_

_Knock Knock_

A pirate came out of his doorway.

"Excuse Mister, but would you like to buy some weed?" Vector asked.

"Sure."

"FUCK YES!"

_Knock Knock_

A priest stepped out of his doorway.

"Excuse me holy father preacher rabbi, would you like you buy some weed from us?" Vector asked.

"What kind of weed? The plants or vegetation?"

"FUCK YES!"

_Knock Knock_

A police stepped outside of his doorway.

"Excuse me mister but would you like to buy some weed… uh… I mean a Nintendo Wii?" Vector said.

"Nintendo Wii? Yeah, I've been looking all over for one…"

"FUCK YES!"

_Two hours later of their weed business…_

"Ahh… we sold all of our weed… we're out now…" Vector said.

"Dude, we didn't make any money at all. As soon as they answered, you just yelled "FUCK YES!" and threw a bag of weed to them and walked off, not collecting the money from them, or caring if they even wanted the drugs." Big said.

"Uh… are you serious?" Vector said.

"Yeah…"

"DAMN IT!" Vector cried as he kicked the air.

"Ouch!"

- - -

It was lunch time, but still, nobody was at the restaurant.

"Eh, they're probably still drunk." Big said.

"So, how much money did we get so far?" Vector asked.

"I got $200." Espio said.

"I got $250…" Kurt said.

"Vector and I got nothing…" Big said.

"Don't worry, Big and I got a plan that will give us $500 in less then an hour." Vector said.

"You're serious? What is it?" Kurt asked.

"It's a secret…" Vector said as he started dancing.

"Asshole…" Kurt complained. The band members ran off to get the rest of the money.

- - -

_Espio_

"So… I need $50 more dollars…" Espio said walking past an ad for a job. Espio suddenly stopped and looked at the paper, "Paying $50 to the person who finds my invisible elephant… I'll take it!" Espio grabbed the paper and ran off with it.

_Vector and Big_

Vector stood outside of the bank, in a ski mask, and a black car, waiting for Big to give the cue. Just then, when the sound of sirens cried out, Big came rushing out with bags and threw them into the open car window, as Big got into the passenger seat.

"Quick! Them popos be rushin in soon." Big said. Vector floored the gas pedal as the car made a huge revving sound.

"Big, shoot the police!" Vector demanded. Just then Big stuck the AK47 out of the window and started shooting accurately at to cars. There were three police cars pursuing the duo, and one by one the cars blew up.

"Damn! Now we have 3 stars! Helicopters are gonna be bustin our asses soon…" Big said in a stereotypical African American voice.

"Don't worry, I know someplace we can get our car spray painted, those cops are too dumb to know it's us!" Vector said. Vector pushed on the gas harder as they duo sped off.

_Kurt_

Kurt stood outside of the restaurant.

"Damn, I already have my $250… I have nothing to do but to watch this peaceful town…" Kurt sighed. Just then, he saw a black car rush past his eyesight, being chased by 2 helicopters and police cars exploding.

"Ah… the most peaceful place on Earth…" Kurt sighed.

_Espio_

It was already night. Espio spent all day searching for the invisible elephant and now he was walking down a lonely road, on this boulevard of broken dreams. He did not know where it goes, but it's only him, and he walks alone… (Insert depressing guitar riff and a boring music video here)

"Damn it, maybe someone already found it…" Espio said, "Nah, I'm a ninja! I'm going to use my super-cool ninja lying techniques!" Espio walked to the address left on the poster and knocked on the door. A short blonde kid, clad in an orange jump suit and whiskers opened the door.

"Hello there! I found your elephant…" Espio said while pointing behind him.

"Nan dattebayo! Arigato, chameleon-san! Ohayo! Hinata-chan! Believe it!" the blonde yelled. Just then he handed Espio $50 and walked back into his house.

"Uh… that was weirder then an episode of Heroes…" Espio said as he poofed away.

_We Touch Ourselves_

Kurt was the first to show up. Then Espio poofed in 2 hours later.

"Damn it, please don't tell me I'm alone with him…" Kurt whined. Just then, Big and Vector ran in, still in their ski masks.

"We each got our $250?" Espio asked.

"Uh… yeah." Big said.

"W00T!! Now we're going to record or songs!" Vector cried.

"Eh… it's too late. It's like 11 PM… we all know that Vector sleeps at 9:30 PM, so we'll record tomorrow morning…" Kurt said.

"Yeah! I honestly can't wait until tomorrow!!" Vector cried.

"Same, but we have to go home right about now…" Espio said.

"See ya tomorrow…" Big said.

"Yeah." The other members said as they walked back home.

_Knuckles and Tails_

"Wait, so there's no plot for the other characters? Ah bloody hell, I just proposed to Rouge too, there should be a chapter dedicated to my loving!" Knuckles said.

"That would be horrible… We all know that the author sucks at making serious romance stories… He already tried that with his old Naruto story, which he deleted because it sucked, but he made it unserious again…" Tails said.

"Maybe another lemon?" Knuckles asked.

"Nope, the narrators burned out of ideas for lemons. I mean, the furthest he's ever gone with a girl is third base… So all we get is a brief mention of you sexing up Rouge... again…" Tails said.

"Ah bloody hell…" Knuckles cried as he sulked off into the distance.


	19. Day 18: Chocolate Covered Dinosaur

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter 19: Day 18_

_We Touch Ourselves_

"Is it straight if I masturbate to jail sex? Is it straight if I touch myself when I drop the soap? Is it a problem? Should I fix it? Is it straight if I masturbate to jail sex… yeah." Vector sang as he put the microphone down as the guitar's sound faded. The other band members stopped playing and the people from the outside, watching them, rushed into the recording room to greet the band.

"That. Was. AHHHSOME!!!!" yelled a prepubescent teenager boy.

"Can you autograph my wii?" a prepubescent girl said while unzipping her pants.

"What!? You have a wii? Oh God… So last night, I did it with a girl that had a wii? Oh God, that must mean I'm gay… Oh hell no, I just said I'm gay out loud so I just came out of my closet… I'm becoming depressed because no one understands the pain of being gay… I MUST KILL MYSELF!!!" the prepubescent boy said as he overdosed on some information, automatically killing himself…

"What the hell? That was really weird…" the girl said holding a Wiimote in her hands. Espio took the Wiimote, signed it, and passed it along to the other members of the band, and handed it back to her… which caused her to faint…

"I knew I found something special when I saw your band play…" the business man complimented.

"Thank you! That means so much to us!" Big said in an Asian voice.

"Speak for yourself you asshole…" Espio said.

"Yeah, now we need to record eleven more songs. Want to do 2 more now or do you want to take a break?" the manager said.

"We'll do one more, then we're off to breakfast." Stated Kurt.

"Which song should be track number 2?" Big asked.

"How about 'It Burns When I Pee'?" Vector suggested.

"Hell yeah!" Espio yelled. The people left the room to watch and record We Touch Ourselves. Just then the bass intro started as Vector sang,

"Oh I met her on a highway, and I plowed her in the back of my car, in the back of my car, in the back of my car. When I got home, my wii wii was crooked and bumpy, and now it burns when I pee, why does this happen to me?" Vector sang as the grand pause started, then the guitar and drums kicked in.

- - -

Somewhere in a local Station Square Starbucks…

"H-Hey b-arten-nder, give m-me ano-another cu-cup of ch-aacow-wate mil-lk p-pwease…" Tails said drunkenly while shaking his glass, making a loud and annoying sound. Ever since his lose to Sonic, he's been drinking an excessive amount of chocolate milk. We all know what happens when you give a fox chocolate milk right?

"What the hell..? IMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER!!" Tails said as he began growing thick layers of… chocolate milk?

All of the loyal patrons of Starbucks stared at the lunatic fox as he started changing his form into a chocolate covered – damn it, he's off…

_Cream_

Cream was walking down a street, listening to her iPod with the song 'How to Save a Life' playing. In all honesty, she completely hated the song, she just kept it playing because she needs to learn how to save a life for her final task. She was walking along the road as she heard a loud rawr.

"SHOOP DA WOOP!!!"

"What the hell?" Cream said. She looked up to see a… 50 foot tall version of Barney the dinosaur with what seems to be made of a layer of chocolate milk?

"Meow!" someone cried. Cream looked up to see some random kid in a random snail suit about to get milked on. Just then, Cream jumped for the snail-kid thing, saving it from its death.

"Mission completed!" Cream said in her victory pose. Just then, she jumped back to avoid another chocolate stomp, "How the hell am I going to beat this monster?"

"SHOOP DA WOOP!" Tails yelled as he stomped on the rebuilt Station Square Flamerz Bar. Everyone in the bar died a horrible and gruesome death… again…

"I need back up!" Cream said as she sprinted for the apartment complex, dodging projectile covered milk.

- - -

The rest of the cast of this PATHETIC story was in the same room, just waking up.

"Ahh! Why am I in the same bed with Amy and Rouge in Cream's room?!" Knuckles screamed, waking everyone up.

"Knux, that was amazing…" Rouge said sleepily.

"Why are all three of us naked?" Amy asked.

"Did you just plow Amy?" Sonic asked really pissed off.

"Sonic, I can explain…" Amy started until she was interrupted.

"When did Amy join in on me and Knux?" Rouge asked.

"Obviously when you weren't looking…" Amy said.

"Why did Amy not want me to join in on the hot 3 way..?" cried Sonic.

"Wait, so that other girl I was plowing wasn't Rouge's evil twin?" Knuckles asked.

"I have an evil twin?" Rouge asked.

"Yeah, she's a great teaser…" Amy answered.

"…Ew…" Rouge said.

"Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" Shadow asked as he walked out of the bathroom.

"Dude… I just had a three way with two female animals…" Knuckles said.

"So? Big had a five way with three prostitutes and a female vegetable thing called Cosmo…" Espio said.

"Ah… Cosmo is a horrible kisser…" Amy added.

"How do you know?" Espio asked.

"I know everything…" Amy answered.

"Wait, weren't we just back at the recording studio?" Kurt asked.

"Bermuda Triangle." Shadow answered.

"Why does my ass hurt?" Vector whined.

"Uh… I swear to Shiva that it was not me… I promise… it was… uh… Big! Yeah, they'll believe that." Espio said in a nervous manner while pointing at Big.

"What did I do?" Big asked.

"Everything…" Shadow said out of nowhere. Just then, Cream burst in the room, panting and sweaty.

"Sonic team! Assemble!!" Cream shouted as she pointed her finger at the sky.

"What the hell do you want? You freaking rabbit…" Sonic said, still sad that he wasn't in the 3-way.

"Guys, there's a huge dinosaur thing that's destroying Station Square! It already destroyed the Station Square Flamerz Bar!" Cream shouted.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Espio cried in a Luke Skywalkerish manner.

"Why are you sad Espio? You have Wave… don't you?" Kurt asked.

"YEAH YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT!! YOU'RE FREAKING LUCKY THAT YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND!!!" Shadow cried, still not over Wave… freaking emo kids…

"Uh… I don't care that the Flamerz Bar got destroyed again… I was… uh… screaming because I know that my friend Big loves visiting that place… yeah, I was screaming for Big's loss, not mine… Yeah, they'll believe that…" Espio said suspiciously while pointing at Big.

"What did I do?" Big asked.

"That vegetable thing called Cosmo?" Sonic added.

"Damn… you got TORCHED Big… freaking… Sonic ripped you a new one…" Shadow said.

"Dude, go play World of Warcraft you geek…" Knuckles said while pointing at Shadow.

"Everybody! GET DOWN!" Cream yelled in the governator voice. Everybody followed, as the apartment's ceiling got ripped off by Jesus. I mean the black Barney monster. Every stood up again and stared at the monster.

"Holy crap! How do we kill it!?!?" Sonic asked.

"Let's call Captain Planet!" Shadow suggested, "Heart!"

"Hah! You're the gay Indian boy with the heart power!" Big laughed at Shadow.

"Shut up big, you're the black guy." Shadow said. Big started crying at the… description of his skin color??

"Seriously, how do we beat it!? It's coming this way!" Sonic yelled.

"Heh… you said beat it… heh… sexual innuendo… heh…" Espio laughed.

"Just watch me!" Knuckles said as he transformed super and glided headfirst to the dinosaur, but got sucked into the monster's stomach.

"Knuckles!" Rouge cried. Knuckles then got thrown out of the monster's stomach and crashed into a building, creating a crater.

"I have seen the end… no one was spared… not even the children…" Knuckles managed to say before he passed out.

"Damn it! What do we do?!?" Big cried in a huge state of panic.

"Guys, follow me!" Sonic said as he turned into his Deity mode, while Rouge and Shadow turned into their hyper mode and they all charged at the beast, as Espio stood from the sides, using ranged ninjutsu.

"Yeah, we're definitely screwed…" Kurt sighed.

"3… 2… 1…" Amy counted as she saw Sonic get thrown back into the asphalt, unconscious, then Rouge, then Shadow, then Espio kissed the asphalt. All that was left to fight were the sideline people who can't fight, like Krillin. And Jackie Chan too, but I might get horndogged for saying that.

"DAMN!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!" Vector cried, but Amy drew her Piko Piko Sword.

"Amy! You stand no chance! The final boss just beat down the best fighters in this story!" Cream cried.

"Don't worry, I know what I'm doing, I'm not dumb. I know what's best for America." Amy said as she charged the chocolate covered dinosaur. Just then, out of nowhere, there was some sort of catchy pop-rock song playing in the background, preferably the Sonic Adventure final boss song.

"3… 2… 1…" Cream counted off, waiting for Amy to kiss the asphalt, but instead she got a gigantic,

"SHOOP DA WOOP!" the dinosaur roared in pain.

Instead of Amy getting her ass kicked, this is how the fight scene went: Amy charged straight into the base of the monster. The monster tried to stomp on Amy, but she rolled at the last second, slashing her sword at his foot. Then, Amy ran up the side of a building, then pumped toward the middle of the dinosaur, and she slashed at the chocolate covered stomach.

"SHOOP DA WOOP!" the dinosaur roared in pain, but Amy wasn't done yet. Amy then placed her sword on the ground and did a single sand sign. She then picked the sword up again, and threw it towards the monster's face.

"Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Amy yelled. As her sword was still flying in the air, it multiplied 50 times, and all hit the monster's face.

"RAWR!!" the monster cried in pain as the chocolate milk melted away, into the ground. It took 10 minutes for all the milk to get drained away, and at the place where the monster fell, there lay an unconscious Tails. Cream then picked the poor kid up and brought her to her apartment to rest and a shower, 'cause the foxy bastard smelt like chocolate milk.

"Ah… this was quite an eventful morning…" Amy sighed. As the whole fight scene was getting cleaned up, everybody gained consciousness and separated.

_Amy_

Amy was sitting on her bed, thinking about the meaning of her cyber life.

"Damn it, I'm the only one still working on these tasks! But I need to fight one more person until I'm free…" Amy complained. She pulled out her phone and called someone.

"OK, look, I never had the money for the whole crack deal, so stop calling me…" a human voice said.

"Chris? It's Amy." Amy said.

"Oh… What's up?" asked Chris.

"Nothing much. Hey, I got some crack, would you like some?" Amy asked.

"I got no money… Spent it all on a liposuction I didn't even need…" Chris said.

"Oh, it's free because I need to get rid of if." Amy said.

"Hell yeah! I'll be there in a few hours. Thanks Amy." Chris answered.

"No problem." Amy said.

_Sonic_

"Hey! Vector gave me his new CD called 'In Different Houses'!" Sonic said. Sonic then turned the CD case over to read the song titles.

'_Is it Straight If I Masturbate to Jail Sex'_

'_It Burns When I Pee'_

'_Now Bend Over… AND SCREAM'_

'_Seamen on Your Poopdeck, Baby'_

'_Vector Has a Small Weiner and Is Still a Virgin' _

'_The Best Lemon in the World Trilogy'_

'_Rock Out With You (Insert Male Genitals Here) Out… If You Have One'_

'_I Got Fondled in Church By an Old Guy In a White Robe'_

'_So Hard (My Weiner)'_

'_Is It a Problem if My Anus is Bleeding Profusely?'_

'_This Song is Too Beautiful That if We Title It, It wouldn't Be as Beautiful'_

'_Erectile Deficiency'_

"Hell yeah!" Sonic said as he put it into his CD player, "Is it straight if I masturbate to jail sex? Is it straight if I touch myself when I drop the soap? Is it a problem? Should I fix it? Is it straight if I masturbate to jail sex… yeah."

- - -

It was lunch at the Station Square Diner, and everybody was there.

"Damn it! This is so hard!" Knuckles yelled as he started shaking his Nintendo DS violently.

"What is?" Tails asked.

"Your penis?" Espio asked as he took off his pants.

"Freakin… Espio, it was funny the first time, but now you have to shut up about that stupid penis gag!" Sonic barked at Espio.

"Ha! You said penis gag…" Shadow laughed.

"What about penis gagging? I swear, I didn't do it to Tails while he was sleeping this time!" Espio said.

"What did you do to me?" Tails asked.

"Everything…" Shadow said.

"What the WTF?" Tails asked.

"DAMN IT! SCEPTILE DIED!" Knuckles cried as he chucked the DS into the wall.

"Er… Get better??" Tails tried to say comfortingly.

"Oh well, I'm gonna buy Pokemon Diamond tomorrow, so I'm good." Knuckles said.

"Guys! We just released our CD, 'In Different Houses', and within one hour, it sold 2 million copies!" Vector said.

"How the hell does that work out?" Amy asked.

"Time travel, my dear discolored rodent, time travel." Kurt said while patting Amy's head. Just then, the record deal manager walked into the scene.

"Vector, due to the success of your CD, we have made a tour schedule for you with the bands 'At the Drive-In' 'Nirvana' and 'Billy Talent'. The tour starts in 2 weeks, so you better pack your stuff, cause we're going to the UK." The manager said, "I've sent all your friends here the CD, so they could listen to you."

"I really like that 'So Hard (My Weiner)' song… I feel that I can relate…" Tails said.

"Yeah, I listened to it. The songs are really catchy." Cream complimented. Just then, another business guy walked into the restaurant to talk to Vector.

"Hey, I'm a music video producer. I want to make music videos for 6 songs on your CD. Will you say yes?" the man said.

"YEAH!!! MY DREAMS ARE COMING TRUE!" Vector said.

"At least you have dreams… My dreams died as soon as Wave dumped me…" Shadow sulked.

"Freaking emo kids… go black your wrists and cut your eyes." Sonic said.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS PAIN OF BEING A MAN ANYMORE!!!" Shadow cried as he jumped out the window, in a sad attempt to kill himself. Unfortunately, the building was above water, so that did nothing to Shadow, but fortunately, there are sharks in that water, but unfortunately, the sharks happen to be vegetarians, but fortunately, the sharks explode when touched, but unfortunately, it's an explosion of Love!, but fortunately WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW!?!?

Uh… that was pointless… but all you need to know is that Shadow survives, because emo kids lack the balls to kill themselves. So, after Shadow's attempted suicide, everybody splits up with the same lack of detail, just like every other chapter in this story.

- - -

_Amy_

Amy was just walking do the street on her way to Sonic's apartment for some Sonic Riders action, and maybe some Sexy Beach 3 too. That, and Sonic just got a new game for the DS call 69:Touch Me Harder, and it has wireless single card play, so she wanted to try it out.

"Amy! I found you!" Chris said. Amy turned back, "I need the crack, I've been off for a week, and my wiener is having special craving for some crack."

"Uh… Yeah, I lied about that so I could get you here." Amy said.

"WHY YOU BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU!" Chris said as he pulled out an AK-47 from out of his pants? I wonder what else he can put in there (Insert small male genital joke about Chris here).

Chris started gunning Amy down, but Amy quickly jumped behind a wall for back up. As Chris was reloading his gun, Amy threw three smoke grenades, completely covering her as she thought of a plan. She hid behind the wall of smoke, and she threw a flash grenade through the smoke. As she heard the explosion, she charged through the smoke, and slashed Chris' stomach with the Piko Sword. Amy picked up the corpse and walked away.

_Big _

Big started packing his stuff up.

"Pants: Check. Drum set: Check. iPod: Check. iPhone: Check. iRack: Check. iRan: Che- wait, where the hell is my iRan?" Big asked. He opened his closet to see Chris' corpse hanging in his closet.

"ZOMGWTFBBQMATE!" Big said as he passed out.

_Sonic and Amy_

"Ahh, since you and Cream are done with your tasks are all done with your tasks, I guess we can all just hang out for 11 days." Sonic said.

"SONIC! STOP TALKING AND PUMP ME IN!" Amy moaned.

"Er… Yes mam…" Sonic said.


	20. Day 29: King of Parties

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter 20: Day 29_

_That's right, a time skip… Too busy being social and having fun, and it takes away from my inner nerd time… I'm going to work really fast on this, and then quickly finish the sequel, then work on other fanfiction trilogies._

_Sonic_

Sonic stood on top of a big building listening to the sounds below…

"Ah… tonight seems like a good time to go to New York…" a voice said as he walked off into his black Convertible.

"Heheh…" Sonic laughed as he walked away.

_We Touch Ourselves_

"Ahhh… I love being famous…" Vector said.

"Uh… Vector, our fame just started… you have no right to gloat on being famous… yet…" Espio said.

"I know, but fame leads to the same schedule…" Vector said.

"Really? What schedule?" Big asked.

"Week one: Become famous. Week two: Become super mega rich. Week three: Get a serious drug addiction. Week four: Get out of rehab. Week five: Have sex with Paris Hilton. Week six: Wish I DIDN'T have sex with Paris Hilton. Week seven: Release a new song that would be a single. Then it all repeats from week two…" Vector said while having dream clouds in his eyes.

"Just to let you know, not even Paris Hilton would do you…" Espio said.

"Bleh, I could always play 'Fill in the Skank' and do one of those currently popular skanky people in place of Paris…" Vector countered.

"Oh yeah, you can't live out that schedule because it's the end of the month, and we'll be back in the real world…" Espio added.

"GOD DAMMIT! I HATE LIFE!" Vector said as he started crying.

"Does this mean I'm staying hear all by myself since I'm a partial OC and not part of your world??" Kurt asked.

"I have no clue…" Big said.

"NO!!!!!" Vector cried.

_Sonic and Tails_

"Tails! Guess what?" Sonic screamed eagerly.

"What..?" Tails whined.

"I was invited to be in Brawl!" Sonic screamed. Just then Tails punched Sonic in the face.

"SHUT THE HELL UP!" Tails shouted… with a hint of envy.

"Jealous…" Sonic taunted.

- - -

Somewhere in a local Station Square Diner…

"Hey guys! Party at my house later to celebrate the last day of us being here!" Sonic screamed.

"Woooooo!" Everybody screamed.

"Yeah! My first party!" Shadow said, quite loudly. Everyone started laughing at him.

"Oh yeah, Shadow's not invited." Sonic said.

"Damn it!" Shadow cried.

"Hah! Go play World of Warcraft you loser!" Knuckles taunted.

"Shut up!" Shadow cried.

"What are you? On your 9th level 100 character? Huh?" Knuckles added.

"Shut up! The highest level is level 60!" Shadow cried.

"You got like 3 World of Warcraft girlfriends who are actually 40 year old men who live in their mom's basement?" Knuckles added.

"I HATE YOU KNUCKLES! THEY SENT ME PICTURES, THEY ARE REAL! THEY CALL ME, AND THEY THE HAVE PHONE SEX WITH ME! THEY SOUND LIKE ROBOTS, OR LIKE THEY'RE ON STEROIDS, AND ONE SOUNDS LIKE KURT COBAIN, BUT STILL, I LOVE THEM AS MUCH AS THEY LOVE ME!" Shadow cried as he ran away.

"Jealous…" Knuckles taunted.

"Holy crap Wave! Look what you did when you left him!" Cream said.

"Eh… he's happy and having fun… I see nothing wrong with him… He has more than three girlfriends!" Wave said.

"You're so right…" Rouge said.

"Good thing he's not in Brawl…" Sonic said.

"SHUT UP!" Tails creamed with a hint of envy as he smashed a table on Sonic's head.

Before Sonic went unconscious, Sonic said, "Bring bathing suits! There's a pool! And Knuckles, Tails, Cream, and Rouge, clean my mansion… It's four blocks down this street and to the right." Sonic laughed.

"WHOA! Sonic has a mansion?" Everyone scream. Sonic would've answered… but he's unconscious from the table to the head.

"Wait… Shadow was Mike..?" Kurt all of a sudden asked.

"Ahhh… Kurt, you so crazy…" Vector said.

"Say that again and I'll impale you with a bald eagle." Kurt said bluntly.

"Ahhh… Kurt, usedtan loco…" Vector dijo. (Translation: Ahhh… Kurt, you so crazy…)

"Entiendo español used ramera!" Kurt dijo como una águila de cabeza blanca Vector empalado. (Translation: I understand Spanish you bitch! Kurt said as a bald eagle impaled Vector.)

"What the hell is going on? It's like a whole 'nother language!" Knuckles cried as he shielded his ears.

"Let's go clean up Sonic's mansion guys…" Tails said as the four walked off.

"Yeah, I need to be Sonic's sexy nurse and heal him…" Amy said as he carried Sonic off into the distance.

"Yeah, let's go…" Kurt, Big, Wave and Espio all walked away.

"Sí, apenas me sale para aquí morirme. Assholes." Vector said as he bled to death. (Translation: Yeah, just leave me here to die assholes)

_Shadow_

"You know, I'm sick of everyone hating on me, and me being miserable about it…" Shadow said, "Today, I'm going to change my self to be happy!" Shadow said.

_Somewhere in Sonic's Mansion_

"AAHH-CHOOO!" Tails sneezed.

"Dude, that was loud as hell." Knuckles stated.

"Eh… I only sneeze like that when black hedgehogs say something outrageous…" Tails said.

"Tails, are you high? Starfox McCloud will NEVER say anything outrageous…" Knuckles stated.

"I guess you're right… Hey wait a minute…" Tails figured out, "What kind of animal IS Fox anyway..?"

_Back to Shadow_

"All right… I need friends…" Shadow thought… Shadow walked into Wal-Mart.

_Amy and Sonic_

"Ahh… I'm awake, what time is it?" Sonic asked. He sat up just to see Amy in a sexy nurse uniform.

"Sonic, relax. I'll just do some diagnostic tests on you and you'll be free to go…" Amy said seductively as she unbuttoned her uniform.

"Holy crap, I don't have medical insurance!" Sonic screamed, but was silenced by Amy's kiss…

_Shadow_

Shadow was walking down a street holding a yellow paper-back book in front of his hands…

"Ah… I wonder if this book would help me at all…" Shadow sighed. Shadow then walked into a club called 'Station Square: A Generic Club Name"

- - -

_Station Square Diner…_

Everyone appeared at the diner for lunch time… except Shadow…

"Dude, Knuckles… I think you wrecked him emotionally…" Sonic said.

"Nah…" Knuckles sighed as his Parasect leveled up, "YES!!!!!"

"YEAH!"

"ALL RIGHT!"

"Wait… there he is!" Rouge said while she pointed at him…

"Rouge… that's Kobe Bryant, a fellow African, but he's completely unrelated to Shadow…" Amy pointed out.

"No! Over there!" Rogue corrected, to which everyone looked. They saw Shadow walking with a bunch of human emo kids.

"Oh my God! He has friends!" Knuckles shrieked.

"Oh my God! Look at that emo kids' tight ass girl pants! Jeez, that kid has a huge erection!" Espio shrieked. Shadow walked by.

"Oh hi!" Shadow said as he walked past.

"Espio. Recon. NAO!" Everyone said at the same time.

"Hah… Jinx…" Knuckles laughed.

"Shut up Knuckles… at least I'm in Brawl!" Sonic said.

"I HATE YOU SONIC!" Tails cried as he cock slapped Sonic.

Wait, what the hell? Ew…

Espio jumped in the air, did a back flip, shot out random air, then turned invisible… Stupid Sonic Heroes game… after 6 hours, Espio came back.

"Private Espio reporting for duty SIR!" Espio stated as he saluted Sonic.

"What's going on with Shadow and his emo friends?" Sonic asked.

"At the same time we're partying, he's hanging out with his friends." Espio said.

"At ease private." Sonic said.

"Wanna go beat him up then go to the party? It's like 10; we spend 6 hours here waiting for Espio to give us that tidbit of information." Vector suggested.

"Sure." All the males suggested. Needless to say, they DID get owned. After beating them up, they went to Sonic's mansion.

- - -

_Sonic's Party_

Around 200 people showed up to the party, even though 190 of them weren't invited. Hell, most of them were humans. None the less, Sonic's mansion had EVERYTHING.

Sonic's epic list that proves he has everything

Everything

End of list

Well, that was useless…

_Sonic and Amy_

Sonic and Amy had a private hot tub, one out of 10 hot tubs in Sonic's mansion.

"Sonic, since when did you ever have a mansion?" Amy asked.

"I really don't know. I can assume that I had amnesia as soon as this FanFiction started… I remembered that I had it as soon as Tails heard that I was in Brawl and when he punched me." Sonic answered.

"Sonic, you never cease to amaze me…" Amy said as she placed her head on his shoulder.

"I could amaze you even more…" Sonic suggested.

"Hot tub sex?" Amy asked.

"I wasn't suggesting that, but sure!" Sonic said as Amy pulled him under the water…

_We Touch Ourselves_

"Man oh man! Sonic's mansion has a stage full of instruments!" Vector said in awe.

"You guys thinking what I'm thinking?" Kurt asked.

"Gay man orgy?" Espio butted in.

"Nope! Something even better! Let's rock out!" Vector said as the entire band started playing.

_Knuckles and Rouge_

"OH MY GOD…" Knuckles said in awe.

"What?" Rouge asked.

"Sonic has the Perfect Nintendo Entertainment System! It doesn't even come out for 20 years!" Knuckles said.

"The PNES?" Rouge asked.

"YEAH! ROUGE, HE EVEN HAS SUPER SMASH BROTHERS BRAWL 3!!" Knuckles cried.

"Even I'm in that game right?" Rouge asked.

"HELL YEAH! ROUGE! LET US DO BATTLE!" Knuckles declared.

"Ah… I love his dorkiness…" Rouge sighed.

P.S: Say PNES out loud, as loud as you can, and it might come true…

_Tails and Cream_

They walked around the mansion until they saw Vector's band playing on stage. There was a huge audience, and they were moshing like crazy. When the song ended Vector started talking.

"Alright, this next song goes out to the couples of the audience. Sum 41, With Me." Vector said. The intro started with a slow paced tempo. Tails looked into Creams eyes as Vector started singing.

"Hey Cream, would you like to dance?" Tails asked.

"I'd love to…" Cream answered.

"And I want you to know, that with everything, I won't let this go. These words are my heart and soul…" Vector sang on. They paused for a moment and stared deeply into each other's eyes.

"I'll hold on to the moment you know, 'cause I'd bleed my heart out to show, that I won't let go." Vector sang on. At this point Tails and Cream were having the most loving kiss they have ever had in their lives.

_Overview_

As the party rages on, it nears 12 Midnight. 11:47 P.M. to be precise. Just then, one man in a black Convertible walked into the party.

"What the HELL! WHY ARE THERE RANDOM PEOPLE IN MY MANSION?" The man yelled. Everyone stopped to look at the old man. Just then Espio teleported and struck the man dead with his blunt ego… kunai…

"It's not yours anymore, bitch." Sonic said. The party rages on.

- - -

_Shadow_

"So, what are we doing?" Shadow asked.

"You'll se-FALCON PUNCH!" One emo kid said. The punch landed in Shadow's stomach, leaving him unconscious.

"Ugh… what the hell?" Shadow asked in-between breaths.

"Gay man orgy." Another emo kid said. As all 5 emo kids jumped on top of Shadow for some love…

"NOT LIKE THIS!! NOT LIKE THIS!!!" Shadow screamed as his pants were ripped off… if he wears pants.

- - -

_Somewhere…_

"My God! What have I done? The world's going to end! I'll need to leave a message when they come out…"


	21. Close to Conclusion

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter 21: Eggman's Lab_

_In a run down lab…_

The Sonic Team has just woken up from sleep. They were trying to remember why they were in Eggman's lab…

"Oh yeah! It was the last day, and we all made it! So this must be what happens to us when we return!" Knuckles explained.

"How on Earth could you have figured that out when you couldn't even figure out that you're still naked?" Sonic asked.

"OH GOD!" Knuckles said as he shielded his family jewels with his hands.

"I don't mind…" Epsio said. Just then, Rouge kicked him in his family jewels.

"Jerk…" Rouge said angrily.

"Oh! Jealous Rouge?" Vector asked.

"Jerks…" Rouge sighed.

"UH!!! WHY DID ROUGE HAVE TO WEAR STEAL TOED BOOTS! OH GOD! I'M BLEEDING! Uh…" Espio said as he fell to the floor.

"Hah… that sucks…" Shadow said.

"You know what else sucks?" Knuckles asked.

"What?"

"YOUR EXISTANCE IN SONIC THE HEDGEHOG GAMES!" Knuckles shouted at Shadow. Shadow started crying.

"I'M GONNA GO JUMP IN MY BATHTUB WITH A TOASTER!!!" Shadow threatened.

"You okay Espio?" Big asked.

"Eh… the pain went away and all I feel now is pleasure…" Espio said as he jumped up to his feet.

"Good thing that's taken care of…" Big said.

"Wait, what the hell?" Amy asked incredulously at that disgusting comment.

"Wait a minute…" Vector said as he looked around the room, "Kurt isn't here…"

"Damn… that's right…" Espio said.

"Man… he was like a brother to me…" Big sighed. The three all huddled up crying their eyes out. That's when Espio placed his hands on their asses…

"Hehe… sweet…" Espio snickered.

"Hehe… sweet…" Amy said as she hid her camera.

"Wait, look! There's a letter from Eggman!" Cream said as she pointed to a letter by the TV. Sonic walked up to the note as he read it aloud to the group.

_Dear Sonic and friends, _

_I have accidentally caused the end of this world along with my companion Charmy. A few days after I got rid of you, I made these micro mechanic bacteria that would be implanted and infecting everyone in the world, making them my own slaves and under my control. It worked, but soon after, me and Charmy were infected via the bacteria's evolution. As the bacteria evolved, many of the people now have turned into zombie like creatures with rotting muscle mass and no sense of thought. Since Charmy and I were one of the last people infected, we have a few days until we turn into one of them, and by the time you come out of the simulation, we'd be like them. So Charmy spent our last days making sure you guys get back safe and sound. There is no way you could reverse this so I have two requests for all of you: Go back into the simulation. And my final request: Bring me and Charmy with you. I beg for your forgiveness, and I swear that I would never do something like this again. I understand if you don't forgive me, but at least just bring Charmy, for I had converted him to being evil._

_From Eggman_

"Holy crap… Sonic said as he dropped the letter with tears in his eyes.

"Can't we just go get the Chaos Emeralds and use their powers to bring them back?" Cream suggested.

"Unless you want to go all Leon S. Kennedy style and fight through millions of zombies with nothing but a handgun and ten bullets, be my guest. I just know that it's best we follow Eggman's words." Espio stated coldly, which caused Cream to look down at the ground.

"And besides, the 7 Chaos Emeralds aren't Dragon Balls; we can't wish to reverse this with the power they bring us. We could only turn into Super versions of ourselves and kill more zombies…" Sonic added.

"Yeah, I guard them too, and I don't even know what they're supposed to do. Damn lack of plot in Sonic the Hedgehog games…" Knuckles sighed.

"Mobius…" Tails quietly sighed.

"Well Tails… work on the computer… we're going back in…" Sonic ordered.

"Yeah. Nowhere else to go…" Knuckles said.

"All right…" Tails sighed. Everyone in the room breathed silence as they stared tentatively at Tails working on the computer.

"Run Computer Apocalypse Simulation. Alter programming. Alter no tasks, no penalty. Alter time to infinite. Insert characters…" Tails said monotonously. He looked at Sonic.

"Add them in. Nothing worse then being brain-less for the rest of your life…" Sonic answered.

"All right… it's done…" Tails said.

"Eh… it can't be that bad." Sonic added.

"Yeah, we'd be immortal!" Tails said as he slowly turned into a green light then vanished. Sonic followed in terms of vanishing.

"Forever… immortal…" Knuckles said with tears in his eyes.

"That just means that our love will never die!" Rouge said happily as she hugged her lover.

"Just what I wanted…" Knuckles sighed as they vanished next.

"…That's… so beautiful!!" Vector cried, "I wonder when I'll have my lucky day?"

"Well Vector… my mom actually adopted me. She's still single…" Cream said.

"YES! Other than my fame, I have something else to look forward to!" Vector said as he vanished.

"Hah… that means our fame will last forever… eh Big?" Espio said.

"Hell yeah…" Big gloated as he pondered some thoughts, "OH GOD! FOREVER WITH BLAZE!"

"Hah… you and your messed up relationships make me laugh…" Espio said while laughing.

"It's not funny!" Big cried as Espio and Big vanished.

"Oh God! Back there where I got raped… FOREVER!!!" Shadow cried as he fell to the fetal position.

"WHAT!?!" Cream and Amy shouted together in astonishment.

"Yeah, on the lay day, my emo f-" Shadow tried to explain as the last three people vanished into thin air.


	22. With an end comes a new beggining

**Computer Apocalypse**

_Chapter 22: Epilogue_

_A strange green light formed in the middle of Station Square, where the heroes have first begun their adventure…_

Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Rouge, Cream, Vector, Espio, Big, and Shadow were there…

"Well… I need scissors! 61!" Sonic said aloud. Just then another green light appeared, taking the form of three people: Eggman, Charmy, and… some kid who wrote a story called Computer Apocalypse, but he's not important. Just then, that kid ran away.

"Charmy!" Vector and Espio cried out.

"Guys!" Charmy cried as he ran to his team.

"We have so much to tell you!" Vector started.

"You and Espio had sex?" Charmy interrupted.

"Not yet…" Espio answered. Just then a man with long dirty blonde hair walked up to the team.

"Kurt!!" Big cried as he hugged the man.

"No homo." Kurt added.

"I am offended…" Espio said.

Somewhere else…

"Thank you Sonic… For forgiving me, you know? I don't think I could ever repay you." Eggman sighed.

"No problem, I understood your agony of being mindless for the rest of your life. I took mercy and brought you back. Just please, no more doing bad evil stuff and turn everyone into zombies anymore alright?" Sonic asked.

"I promise!" Eggman answered.

"Well, I suppose we're friends now…" Sonic said as he shook hands with Eggman.

"Well… it seems like it's all uphill from here…" Tails sighed.

"NOT FOR ME!!!" Shadow cried as he saw Wave kiss Espio.

"Ohh Shadow…" Everyone said at the same time.

"Wah, wah, wah…" Knuckles sang.

END CREDITS

Author: Louis

Epilogue

Knuckles and Rouge got married… They lived happily ever after, having 4 kids, a dog named Alligator, and lived with Sonic and Amy in the stolen apartment. Their kids' names are uh… Nails the Echidna-bat, Arms the Echidna-bat, Thief the Echidna-bat, and Pinky the Echidna-bat… not really, but that's what Sega would name them…

Sonic and Amy too also got married… But Amy is unfertile and Sonic shoots blanks, so they cant have kids. You'd think it's a bad thing, but they're permanent buck fuddies (Switch the B and F). They do it every day, and it gets pretty damn wild. They shoot famous internet videos such as 'Two Cups, One Girl' and 'Vanilla Rain' that gets sold in stores such as FYE and Babies 'R Us. In their videos, they invented the spider position and the Spiderman. Such a happy ending for them.

Tails and Cream continued dating, in a cute little relationship, until Tails got hit by a car. Not really, but after 6 years of dating, Tails asked Cream to marry him… but we'll save that for another story…

Eggman… he became a Playboy mansion owner, and lived a happy life off of naked people. He's so sexed up that he forgot how to make robot things. But it's all good…

We Touch Ourselves became a world wide phenomenon with such classic singles such as 'Seamen on YOUR Poop Deck Baby', 'Stairway to Heaven: Techno Dance Remix', and 'Chocolate Rain'! They became super rich, super popular, and super heroes, but we'll save that for another story… but they didn't become super heroes. Just out of ideas for things that start with super…

Espio… No one ever found out if he was gay or not… he visits the Station Square Flamerz Bar, until it got burned down again, but he does have a girlfriend… Confusing, but he still kicks ass either way… He asked Wave to marry him, but that shall be saved for another time…

Big… Gets beat by his wife, Blaze, everyday… Sucks, but he's famous!

Vector… He's still virgin, but he has some plans to hook up with Vanilla… but his story will be saved for another day…

Kurt… uh… damn it…

Charmy… he's We Touch Ourselves' roadie and mascot… nothing else interesting about him… he was featured on the We Touch Ourselves' sophomore album called 'On Our Friend Charmy'… Heh… We Touch Ourselves On Our Friend Charmy… heh…

Shadow… He sucks and phails with a capital PH… he's the only one who ended up sad and miserable. Ever since Wave left him, he cries to her picture every night while dousing himself in kerosene… bleh… I don't even know what kerosene means…

That unlucky Indian guy went off to be the Prince of Persia, but since he's really unlucky, he died. He went back home, and got blown up by an A-Bomb. He then went off to play Super Smash Brothers Brawl and his Wii and TV exploded, kill everyone in a five mile radius. After he died, he went to sleep peacefully.

That white guy who died like 700 times a few chapters ago got arrested for giving beer to a kid he was trying to seduce.

That kid who the white guy tried to seduce ended up being a successful drug mule. His income is over a mill- No I was kidding. He gets nothing. He lives a miserable life.

The man who arrested the white guy went on a mission to Spain where he had to rescue the presidents daughter in a zombie infested island… he never came back…

The president's daughter asked the policeman for some 'over-time' and they had sex and eloped to Green Hill Zone Act 2. No one heard from them ever since…

The President cried over the loss of his daughter… Then he sent off nukes to everyone in the world because if he couldn't find his daughter, then whole world must suffer.

The world got blown up, but Sonic and his friends lived, because Mobius does not equal Earth, so they're safe.

That random kid who came with Charmy and Eggman AND who wrote Computer Apocalypse, he wrote more stories on some dumb website. Then he became famous for being the bassist-vocalist in a famous band called Banana Antics… or Bananarchy (Banana-Anarchy). What ever sounds cooler…

_**El Fin**_

_I'd like to think that with every ending there is a new beginning… not only does the ending leave you with more, it creates new questions, completely cancelling out the perfect idea of an ending… There are no such things as endings, and this story shall live on…_

**SEQUAL: COMPUTER SYMPHONY COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU**


End file.
